Day: August 10, 2003

Ok, I’m reading this book on shapeshifting for the modern world. I can’t recall the name of it, so if you want that, you’ll have to email me to get it….anyway, one of the concepts in there is that it’s not a matter of becoming, so much as it’s a matter of being. One example was that of a girl who’s dream it was, was to be a dancer. She’d try-out, and try-out, but never make a dance troupe. She lamented her problem to the local shaman/priest-healer (in Africa), and he asked her to dance for him. She did, and he asked if she danced every night, she said she did, and he said he saw a beautiful dancer before him, and if she already danced every night, then she was a dancer. Why would she need someone else to confirm what she already was, and by rejecting her, was rejecting what she already was. In regards to shapeshifting, the point is that, in order to take on the appearance of whatever shape you wish to shift to, you must be that shape, not become that shape. The same could be applied to every day life, don’t become the person you wish to be, be that person. It’s definitely a perspective shift, more than it’s a shape shift. It’s something I’m going to be working with more, given that I used to walk through a conservative university campus in all my gothy glory, and not have anyone bug me, or look at me because I didn’t want them to. I wasn’t trying to be invisible, as much as I was seeing them as invisible. I think that’s a bit contrary to what I’ve been trying to say, but hey, it happens. 🙂

Ok, I just watched a segment on CNN about gymnastics and how elite gymnastics is evil. First thing I would like to say, are those parents a bunch of morons? They sit there and wonder about whether they’re pushing their child too hard, yet sit back and don’t put a leash on the coach when their kid breaks something. They had two kids training on injured limbs, bones, and muscles and they didn’t do jack shit. I was a pretty high up gymnast in my day, and I NEVER saw anything like that. When I broke or injured something, even if I wanted to train on it, I got side-lined, the way it should be. I can’t believe any coach would pull that bullshit, regardless of what name they wanted, or what name their gymnast wanted. The one thing they did get right was the fact that the kids themselves push harder than anyone. Gymnasts, at that level, are nuts. Seriously. Once you hit it, there’s no going back. The only thing that you can hope for, is that there’s a good fluffy crash pad when you land. The one thing I would advocate more of, is outlets and resources for the gymnasts – aka access to psychologists, therapists (medical, muscular, and mental), time out (vacation, when they need it). Yeah, you have to keep training to stay where you’re at, but if you’re burning out, then you’re going no where fast anyway. Even stepping back and scaling down practices would help. But, they don’t. To the point where I’m less concerned with whether the parents are forcing their dreams on the kids and more concerned with whether the coaches are forcing their dream/goal of most 1st places on the kids.

I feel really weird. I’m not sure exactly what kind of energy it is, my Scotsman thinks it’s energy that was directed at him, but I really don’t know. Our outing today was really good all morning, and then lunch happened. I don’t know what is up, or what happened, or if anything went wrong. I just feel this utter need to start crying and I’m not sure why. It’s this outsider feeling popping up inside me again, but I’m not sure if it’s directed at me. I just really don’t know.