Month: August 2003

I guess I should fill-in on the Dragon*Con updates….

So far, things aren’t THAT bad. Yesterday (Friday), I missed the EFF panel I wanted to get in on, all because I couldn’t find a damned sock! Well, not to mention, Atlanta traffic. So, spent some time with a couple of friends of mine, caught a glimpse of the iriedanym, but only managed to make her look everywhere but towards me. I got bored pretty quickly, visited the dealer’s room, saw Crais – from Farscape – by the gods he’s hot. He’s on my list of people to stop by and oogle. Almost depleted my energy supplies in that room because it was fucking hot and way too many people who wouldn’t move. So, made it out, made it up to pyynk, kelly, tigger, and tori’s room to rest a bit and cool off. Eventually made my way home because, well, I was too fucking bored. Today was ok, the evening started out like shit because I wanted to catch James Marsters’ band, but the line for the venue was going out the door and around the block. Thankfully, after a bit, I made it in and managed to be up in front of the stage. I was fairly pissed because of the hotel people. Not only do half of them not speak English, they’re lazy, and complete assholes. During the Cruxshadows’ set, I decided to leave and try to find my Scotsman. Gave him a ring and he said he’d meet me in the lobby. I got up the stairs, placed myself near the elevators, but out of the way of any fire walk, or any type of traffic, only to be told to “keep moving”. So, I moved a few feet over and two other girls took my spot. No one complained that I was there. I think it was because someone decided to take my picture. Anyway, I got to witness 3 hotel security workers yelling at a Con attendee, for dropping his drink, to pick it up. One of them on a bullhorn and none of them calling for housekeeping for a mop. So there’s this big puddle of something on tile floor (with lots of women – and men – in heels). But the container it was originally in was picked up – by the attendee. The hotel sucks. I’m seriously considering whether or not I’m going to attend next year. Apparently, the hotel staff hates the Con. To and extent, I can understand why, but to go the distance at irritating everyone (they called the Atlanta Police in, as well as the Fire Marshall) just to be a pain in the ass.

The End.

It’s odd, if I turn my head to the right, the pressure on that side of my head increases, going up the back of my neck over my head and under my eye in my ocular sinus. If I turn my head to the left, the pressure disappears. It’s following my right Bladder meridian. Of course, this is also the side of my face that hit the cement first, after nailing the guy I fell onto. I wish I had a video of it so I can analyze it and see what the effects are.

Ok, I’m feeling a bit better, not much, but I’m alive. Anyway, now on to the fun stuff of yesterday.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE HEADBANGERS IN ATLANTA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?????? All I saw yesterday, with the exception of a mosh pit that could fit on the head of a pin, were girls doing the booty call dance. WTF?? You don’t shake your booty to Disturbed! You jump up and down and see how many people you can nail head first. Now, I know I did a gothy, bellydancer-ish move to Godsmack, when I saw them, but damn! It was to Voodoo!

Also, yeah, I admit, I’m lacking in the chest area and don’t have much to talk about….but my friends that are more endowed than I have complained about back pain and whatnot, so what do I see? Women, who decided to go get painted by some artist, with their breasts hanging down to their waist (if you were listening to 96Rocks yesterday afternoon, this would be who I am referring to). Not large perky breasts, but ones that made you wonder where, exactly, they were connected. Seriously, support, sometimes it’s not just desired, but required. And have some decency (I say the same thing about various pagan groups who feel the need to offend others at festivals by disrobing, to ‘feel’ nature). I’m a skinny person with, what many would describe as a great body. No one will be watching me run around topless, anywhere – unless you manage to spy in my house, but still, good luck seeing me. Why? Because of this issue of decency that I was brought up with. No, it has nothing with being prudish, because if it is, then you sure as hell haven’t seen some of the clothes that i wear. I don’t have issues with people loving their bodies, in fact, I advocate it. It’s the first step towards positive self-esteem, as well as learning to appreciate the need to be at a healthy weight and activity level. However, loving your body does not mean shoving it into someone else’s face (yeah, i know, that can be said towards the skinny people who wear the tight clothes). But hey, even skinny people can look like shit in things that they wear, which can also be a bit on the lacking decency lane.

So…..I went to Ozzfest today. It was, um, interesting. I saw the first couple of bands on the second stage, they were ok, but I was waiting for the main stage (this year they separated the main stage to 5PM till 11PM). Anyway, the humidity and heat here are unbearable. I finally hit the point that I felt I could eat around 1.30P, but I wasn’t in a great condition. By the time I got to the counter of the food line, I was a bit dizzy, as I walked away down I went. Some fucking bastard stole my hot dog and water while I was down, but left his sunglasses….on my head. Anyway, one of the theatre employees caught me as I went down, and was kind enough to keep the drunk away from me that tried to drown me with water. Well, came to the first time, nurse in one of the lines checked my pulse and asked about whether I was hypoglycemic because she couldn’t find my pulse when I went down. Then out I went the second time. The employee guy was trying to keep me conscious, spilling water on my back and my head, my eyes were completely black and all I remembered was saying, “I’m going out again.” Down I went for the third. By then, the EMT’s got there and got me to the health tent. That’s where I realized I had someone else’s sunglasses, as well as my own. Anyway, seems the EMT’s weren’t thrilled with the way the concert was providing for the heat. I wasn’t the only one with heat sickness in the infirmary. There was another guy who was bordering on heat stroke and was ready for the IV. When I finally got out of the infirmary, they had set up a mist tent, at the other end of the venue, no where near the field where everyone was passing out. But, the bands I saw were good. Dani Filth still sounds like he’s hocking up a hairball with nails attached to it. And I can’t speak for Marilyn Manson, because the heat sickness conveniently got to me during the intermission before them. Granted, I didn’t get to see the Ozzman, so I’m disappointed in that, but I did get to see Chevelle and Disturbed, so that made my day. End of story.

Scorpio for 8/21/03:

“The Big Texan Steak Ranch restaurant in Amarillo, TX has a standing offer to its customers: If you can eat its four and a half pound steak in an hour without getting sick, the meal is free. Oh, and you’ve also got to finish the side dishes — salad, shrimp cocktail, baked potato, and roll. Only about one in six brave souls succeeds at the test. Given your tribe’s current astrological omens, however, I think five out of six Scorpios could win the bet this week. Your appetite — not just for food, but for pleasure, wisdom, adventure, and self-transformation — is gargantuan.”

FreeWill

Worst part, I’ve eaten there. Of course, this would explain why I’ve been extremely hungry lately, in multiple ways.

And another thing, while I hate the fact that I look 18, and am always asked when I will be graduating h.s. Now, it’s fun to sit back, look them straight in the eye and say, “My ten year reunion is in 2 years, but thanks for the compliment. I’ll remember it in another 20 years when I might look older.” The best part is the fact that I sound about 14-15 on the phone. Not that I have a high-pitched voice when I talk at a normal decibel, but that’s just the way technology works. So, when a soliciter calls on my business line, I can pull an, “I’m sorry, but this is a second line.” And they respond, “Are you over 18?” Answer, “No.” Reply, “Can you please have your parents call us when they get home?” Answer, “Sure.” *click* Seriously, I hate the fact that I look much, much younger than I am, but it does have its bonus moments, and annoying sales calls are one of them. Least, when I get dressed up, it doesn’t look like the people I hang out with are pedophiles, or something. Maybe when I’m slacking.

Ok, so I probably need to quantify that last entry….

The book on shapeshifting I’ve been reading. I finished it, and actually had a buzz that lasted. Anyway, the writer of the book is part of this organization (Dream Changers), which does the things that I’ve been wanting to do for years, but always figured them for flights of fantasy. As I don’t have money for any of the overseas travel right now, I’m contemplating signing up for a couple of the local workshops and seeing where they take me. One of the things that I’ve always looked for, was a means to sustain myself while immersing myself in my spirituality. Gaining my CMT was a step towards that goal, this book falling in my lap is another stone in that path. But, even if I don’t get that far, I’ve had an absolute moment of clarity, which pulled together so many aspects of my life that never clicked till tonight. I guess this could be what Erynn referred to as the Imbas flood (not in those words). Needless to say, the first thing that came to my mind, was my gram asking me, “You’re filled with such hatred. Why?” I’ve never been able to answer that question, and as I thought about it, I thought about my school pictures. In kindergarten, every single picture you see me in, has me with a huge grin on my face. As the years progress, the smile fades and is slowly replaced by a plaster image to pacify the photographer and my parents. My gram was right. I have been filled with an unnamed hatred for years. I’ve always figured it was just me rebelling against my parents and feeling stiffled by what I viewed as their desires for me, and the fact that I don’t look like the daughter they wanted, and I don’t have the job I thought they wanted for me. But it’s not that! It’s the fact that for most of my life, I’ve been trying to control my environment through my perceptions and ideals, which I hold everyone up to. The fact that most people fail, and I don’t want them to, is what has caused the anger because I don’t let people be. Granted, I’m not expecting myself to suddenly embrace every ignorant person, but I can see myself being more permissive with the people who, honestly, just don’t have a clue but are seeking to find it. The people who refuse to get the clue hitting their forehead will probably continue to find my wrath. *eg* But for the first time, I am completely at ease with myself and confident in the fact that I will attain my goals, I will be successful with their attainment, and I will be able to run around and do what I’ve always wanted to do, deep down inside, become connected to the outlet I came unplugged from.

I’m feeling happy. I meditated this afternoon, early, and I’m still feeling in that happy place. I was practicing some of the techniques I read about in my Shapeshifting book. it was very cool to sink into my shiatsu mat and just keep sinking, like i was being engulfed by the whole 2 inches that separated me from the floor. I was fully conscious of what was going on around me, yet i was in my own little world. very much like the night my scotsman and i were supposed to go to dinner with friends, but i wasn’t able to make it because i couldn’t open my eyes or move from where i was. the thought hit me, at the moment, that i was the car i wanted. it was very cool, yet at the same time, one of those really odd things/thoughts i have. seriously, who wants to shapeshift into the car they want, and not be inside the thing at the same time? strange.

anyway, i have ordered the boots that i want, but my credit card is higher than i expected, so next month is limited spending so i can pay it off over the course of the next two months. all’s well, i still haven’t heard from the school. i’ll give them a call on tuesday to see what is up. in other worlds, i sanded my floor this morning, felt great when i finished, probably why i’m still on a happy high. i accomplished something of value today. next stop is to baby myself with a scented shower and hairwashing. i’m still thinking about the pup, too much. i still haven’t figured out why.