Month: August 2005

Scorpio for this week:
FreeWill Astrology

Painter Henri Matisse (1869-1954) departed so recklessly from the traditions of his art form that some critics believed he threatened to undermine civilization. That seems unbelievable to us today. Can you imagine any modern painter, musician, writer, or filmmaker being accorded power like that? I can’t. Those whose creative expression carries the greatest clout do their work in the areas of business and technology. Having said that, I’ll now make an exception: You currently have the potential to wield a dramatic influence with your creativity in every realm except business and technology.

Damn it, that is where I need it! Anyway, getting a lovely bruise up my shin, my arms and knuckles still hurt, I am beat but I am not dead. Gods that was fun. 😀

Behold! I am the kooky new-age baby-killer! Bow down before me so that I may bless all the animals and fruits so that they may go forth and populate this planet!

(yeah, that’ll be out there for some of ya, but I gotta laugh at the people who don’t realize my absolute distain for the human race and get pissy because I view humans as just another annoying animal).

Oh look another lazy day!!!! My captors have dozed off, and are showing me exactly what the weekend is supposed to be…..lazy! 😀 I love this family. At some point, we will be taking the family trip to the stores to pick up things, then it’s off for me to visit the Dog and his wonderful wife. Apparently, a time-share has been negotiated, but I don’t know when it was negotiated.

I have things mulling in my head at the moment, but I don’t believe it appropriate to let out, yet. Maybe, they will never be appropriate to let out, but, this is my journal and theoretically I could give less than a rat’s ass on who I offend. I guess I’m too nice sometimes, if it’s even possible for me to truly be uninhibetingly (is that even a word?) cruel. But I will admit, I am hitting the point where my nice, mature woman is going to say, “fuck it, little bitch, have at it.” and a few heads will roll and some people will get really, really pissed with me. However, given that I don’t have the whole story, least I don’t believe I have the whole story, I’m not going to let the little bitch out and I will refrain till I believe that I have the whole story. Yes, my readers, this is a bunch of mystery for you all, even to those in my inner sanctum, so don’t think that I’m purposefully leaving a select few in the dark, because everyone else is standing there with you. I guess it’s mainly based on the fact that there are no rules right now, but they will be negotiated, they have to be because it’s getting ridiculous and limits do need to be set. At this point, I feel like I’m being walked across from so many different directions, in my professional life and in my personal life. I believe in being open in communications, for a reason, and I’ve got so many people holding on to some “dark” secret that’s pretty shallow and not very dark. In some cases, it’s a childish reason and in other cases, it’s a valid reason. Both, of which, are bloody annoying to me. Yes, I do get offended on many occasions, but I do temper myself and reserve the lashing out to those who are very close to me, not because they are the ones that can handle it, but because they are the ones I trust with seeing that side of me. At this point, I truly am tired of playing the grown-up, of taking the high-road. I just want to sit back and just start yelling for no apparent reason, about every wrong I feel has been done to me since day 1 of my existence. I would like the safety to be the child for once, again. I would love to break down the brick wall that prevents that, to cease being the cold and calculating assassin and instead just run head first into the fight, baring my teeth and ripping open the eventual dead carcass of my opponents. But no, it is not my responsibility to do that. That lies elsewhere and not with me, however much my tongue longs for that first taste of blood.

Of course, this all could just be the result of an overload and this is just that grain of sand that pushed the limit and broke the wire. I really need to sit down and sort through everything that I’m taking issue with, again, to find out what all is relegated to where. It doesn’t all lie in one hand, that is just a minute speck of everything…..

But just remember… all comes back to me somehow, no matter how deep the hole is dug.

Not much going on, just listening to the sound of my male captor happily snoozing away in the other room, my female captor clinking away in the kitchen, sitting on the floor of the soon-to-be-office in my fight shorts and my oh-so-wonderous OIF shirt my Zoomie got me. Watching my fight chat slowly move by my eyes. Got the most hilarious email from my Zoomie today, even my female captor was laughing her ass off at it. Dumbass women who dress like sluts then get pissed because some guy oggles them like a slut. I’ll never understand that about women. Even I can suck up the fact that I’ll get at least one pigheaded statement or look when I’m dressed up. Hell, the last time my female captor and I went out on a concert date, we were completely dressed down in cammie cut-offs and tank tops – and still got the jaw drops that made us laugh. Yeah, anyway….not much else going on. Kinda feeling a bit irked on a few things, but those things are being taken care of, ATM, so nothing to really worry about. Right now, I’m just enjoying the fact that I don’t have to answer the phone, and I can sleep in. It’s also kinda cool, because I’ve always loved the “camping out” part of moving into a new place, and I get to do that here. 😀 Anyway…….not much else, unless you want to hear how much I miss my Scotsman and how many weeks until my Zoomie gets here…..

Scorpio for this week:

Located north of the Arctic Circle, the Northwest Passage is a body of water that joins the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Large parts of it are frozen over most of the year, though, so it’s not a practical way for ships to travel. The U.S. regards the Northwest Passage as international territory, but Canada recently claimed it as its own sovereign territory. Canadian Defense Minister Bill Graham foresees a time when global warming will have melted so much ice that it will become a viable sea route of great value to his country. Be like Graham this week, Scorpio. Peer into the future and scan for potential resources that are as yet unrecognized or unready. Make them yours now, while they’re still cheap and available.

FreeWill Astrology

Last I checked, I’m always looking into the future.

So, I impressed WT with my aim today and he got me off a little by letting me get my hands on Val. Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. That girl is a lovely piece of rifling. Yeah. Anyway, got most of the stuff packed for tomorrow, WT snagged me a nifty pair of shorts to fight in, so I’m happy. Talked with my dad a bit, he’s going to help me out with my trip to Italy funding. With that said, I think he’s figuring me out, and I believe if there is any genetic wiring for my sexuality, it came from him (well, not the bisexual part, anyway). He was asking me about my Zoomie, and how I’m meeting the people I go to visit and whether or not my Scotsman has issues with it. When I clarified and soothed the nerves, the response was, “That’s good! I hope you can pull it off. Don’t turn down a job to go unless you have a better offer (and not a maybe) for later.” The job part was in reference to the fact I’m going to be talking to some local orthopaedic clinics to see if I can do referral massage for their rehab patients. I figure that will keep me fairly steady, and hopefully I can get a now ‘n then gig with the UFC or some local fight groups. Definitely want to start working with athletes again.

I’m having a low day. I requested the paperwork to up my credit line yesterday, and in going over all my contracting wages I realized that there’s no way I’m going to get the increase. My gross monthly, at this point, is less than my car payment. I was doing so much better when I was actually working doing massage. I continually get harped on because of the job situation, mainly because I have hope that I can actually make this company work. I also want to be doing more work with athletes and getting my hands dirty, instead of doing the “ohhhhhh, how good that feels” stuff. I’ve talked with one sports org at this point, gotta get my resume together for that *fingers crossed* and hopefully something will pan out at some point.

At any rate, I feel like shit, my boss is skimping my therapists on pay again and he claims he’s gonna have cash for me tonight, and I think he’s lying. This might be the straw for me, especially given a $200+ invoice is due on Friday.

Sorry about the lacking of substantive posts of late. I’m gearing up for my trip to LeJeune, trying to get job stuff settled here, downloading my fights and other stuff from the TiVo. Last night was UFC 54, it kicked ass, and I was happy to share it with WT and pop his Ultimate Fighting cherry. 😀 Even my Scotsman got into a few of the fights on the card. I was saddened to see Diego Sanchez win, not because I think he’s a shit fighter, he’s not. He just needs to learn humility, and if he doesn’t grasp the concept now, he’s going to be hurting down the line when he hits a slump and pulls a Frank Trigg and can’t pull himself out. I spent most of the night doing play by play for the chat I mod, because not everyone gets the opportunity to watch this stuff live. ET and I have decided that we’re going to hit up one of the fights in AC this next year. About 3 weeks till she gets here, and we’re gonna do some damage, of course, that’s because my Zoomie is gonna be here with me (yes Ala, I’ll get pictures of us together). I guess my lack of posting is also because my days have been taken up with trying to fix my computers, missing my Zoomie, and all the other prep stuff. I need to reconnect with myself because all this other stuff has placed my focus back outside, instead of inside.

Other funny things, WT was laughing at my mouthguard last night. It’s a kid’s size small, cut down and boiled. Yes, I have a tiny mouth, the Dog makes fun of me by reminding me to breathe so I don’t gag. *giggles* Though, he’ll laugh hysterically when he actually sees it. I need to make a run to the A/N store tomorrow to pick up a pair of shorts for our sparring match. The Marines are funky with their facility dress codes, so I plan on playing it safe and keeping covered.

Eh, looking forward to my trip, roadtime always calms me, but need to call the credit union tomorrow and see if I can get my credit limit upped so I can afford prog and get my tickets to Italy before they get last minute expensive.