Oh look another lazy day!!!! My captors have dozed off, and are showing me exactly what the weekend is supposed to be…..lazy! 😀 I love this family. At some point, we will be taking the family trip to the stores to pick up things, then it’s off for me to visit the Dog and his wonderful wife. Apparently, a time-share has been negotiated, but I don’t know when it was negotiated.
I have things mulling in my head at the moment, but I don’t believe it appropriate to let out, yet. Maybe, they will never be appropriate to let out, but, this is my journal and theoretically I could give less than a rat’s ass on who I offend. I guess I’m too nice sometimes, if it’s even possible for me to truly be uninhibetingly (is that even a word?) cruel. But I will admit, I am hitting the point where my nice, mature woman is going to say, “fuck it, little bitch, have at it.” and a few heads will roll and some people will get really, really pissed with me. However, given that I don’t have the whole story, least I don’t believe I have the whole story, I’m not going to let the little bitch out and I will refrain till I believe that I have the whole story. Yes, my readers, this is a bunch of mystery for you all, even to those in my inner sanctum, so don’t think that I’m purposefully leaving a select few in the dark, because everyone else is standing there with you. I guess it’s mainly based on the fact that there are no rules right now, but they will be negotiated, they have to be because it’s getting ridiculous and limits do need to be set. At this point, I feel like I’m being walked across from so many different directions, in my professional life and in my personal life. I believe in being open in communications, for a reason, and I’ve got so many people holding on to some “dark” secret that’s pretty shallow and not very dark. In some cases, it’s a childish reason and in other cases, it’s a valid reason. Both, of which, are bloody annoying to me. Yes, I do get offended on many occasions, but I do temper myself and reserve the lashing out to those who are very close to me, not because they are the ones that can handle it, but because they are the ones I trust with seeing that side of me. At this point, I truly am tired of playing the grown-up, of taking the high-road. I just want to sit back and just start yelling for no apparent reason, about every wrong I feel has been done to me since day 1 of my existence. I would like the safety to be the child for once, again. I would love to break down the brick wall that prevents that, to cease being the cold and calculating assassin and instead just run head first into the fight, baring my teeth and ripping open the eventual dead carcass of my opponents. But no, it is not my responsibility to do that. That lies elsewhere and not with me, however much my tongue longs for that first taste of blood.
Of course, this all could just be the result of an overload and this is just that grain of sand that pushed the limit and broke the wire. I really need to sit down and sort through everything that I’m taking issue with, again, to find out what all is relegated to where. It doesn’t all lie in one hand, that is just a minute speck of everything…..
But just remember…..it all comes back to me somehow, no matter how deep the hole is dug.
Tell me about it. Been sorting through all the junk I’ve been accumulating my entire life for the last 3 years. It’s been interesting to dig through it all, but it also makes me more irritable to the stuff I see happening now outside of me, knowing that it’s not for me to take care of, I can only respond to my actions towards it. But, I am waiting for it to be brought to me. Maybe by then, I’ll have a more respectable means of approaching it.
Hey, I’m part of that accumulated junk.
You’re not junk. 🙂 Nothing to worry about.