Month: July 2005

I’ve finally got the bug up my kiester to play catch-up with what’s being said in the “pagan” world. I wish the self-proclaimed Queens would quit speaking for the general pagan population…

Starhawk opens her mouth, again…

Most of my issues are with her “theology”, or “thealogy” as she likes to call it. First off, my goddess is a war goddess and if you piss her off, she’ll be more than happy to wash your blood-soaked clothes where you can see her. Second, my goddess isn’t the only goddess, there are quite a few gods I talk to from time to time as well. Third, well, we all know my opinion on the war. And with that, let me say that in regards to IWB and other UN organizations like that….well, if you want to go off on them, go off on the UN for being as much of a fuck-up as it is, currently. Yeah, we need to take care of things at home and in countries less fortunate than us, and we do what we can, within the confines that the culture in those countries allow. Honestly, I think the World Bank could give a free ride to all those countries, and it still wouldn’t solve the problems created by dishonest government, gerrymandering and power struggles. Those are my base opinions as a human.

Now, my opinions as a reluctant member of the “pagan” community. I wish she’d shut up on this topic. First off, while I don’t have a concept of evil, I do have a concept of what you don’t do and what deserves retribution in the form of armed conflict. Hell, look to the Celtic Myths to see how many cattle raids started because some woman got her panties in a twist over a bloody cow. You want warrentless wars, try those on for size. I’m not a peace-nik, peace is simply a stop on the railroad of life, it cannot exist as a constant and the boundaries of this world are ever-changing. Even as we walk into a “global” world where boundaries don’t really exist, there will still be some type of grouping, whether it be by culture, ideology, religion or political opinion. Those are the lines that wars will be fought over.

With all that said, I still don’t grasp what point she was trying to reach. It’s like reading Stuart Piggot and his interpretation of celtic religious history, only to reach his epilogue to see him claim that Druids did not exist. Any more holes and she’d have a water strainer.

Scorpio for this week:

Mountains are not always as static as they seem. Due to the collision of two tectonic plates, for example, the Himalayas are growing at the rate of about a half-inch per year. And in 1972, the flooding of an underground river moved a mountain in the Caucasus range over a mile in eight days. Likewise, Scorpio, a situation you have always believed to be fixed and inert is now susceptible to change.

FreeWill Astrology

Wow, for once the boy might be on time. Thank the gods for awesome friends. Speaking of, I find it interesting that the caption for my image this month is “Total Commitment”. Looks like my plans have changed and it’s time to focus inside again. I need to go to the mountains again.

Also from FreeWill:

Many people believe that happiness is a rare commodity attainable only through dumb luck. “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness,” said novelist Willa Cather. “One only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world’s end somewhere.” I disagree. My perspective is the same as the Buddhist researchers Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. In their book How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People, they reveal that the number one trait of happy people is a serious determination to be happy. Bliss is a habit you can cultivate, in other words, not an accident that you stumble upon by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world’s end somewhere.

Very true. And it’s one thing that so many people forget. Everything must come from inside, we cannot gain it externally.

Just wanted to send a massive thanks out to all my netfriends and other oddities who’ve sent their energies to me this last weekend. I’m feeling much better today, in fact, I’m smiling more than anything and laughing pretty hard too. You guys are awesome, and you’re a good reminder for me, when I doubt myself. Even if it does require a steel-toed boot to my head.

For those of you who’ve been tapped as photoshoot bodyguards, if you are interested in Mixed Martial Arts fighting at all, please let me know, as I’m setting up my list of escorts to those. I’m even willing to shell out for the ticket and transportation to and from the event. I’ve got a few on the list as it is, but I want to make sure I can confirm attendence.


Today, I feel dead inside. My meeting went well, just got back from it and spent most of day in a meeting. I couldn’t focus much, but at least we made some headway. I’m angry, upset, and empty. My Scotsman has been wonderful these last couple of days, been helping me plan and work through all this stuff. Have gotten wonderful suggestions from several people, thank you very much, I’m working with those and setting myself up for the future. I still have a few people I’ll need to talk to, in the meantime. Gods, I’m trying not to bury this within myself, which is what I’m struggling with, because I want to, but I know I don’t have time to wait for it to re-surface.

Anyway, goal tonight is the range. I need to sleep.

Well, I’ve figured out what my keen sense was about. Funny, how you spend so much time looking elsewhere, that you fail to look closest to you. For once, it was all about me.

Ok, wacky mood still on….this is good. Got the check-in from one of my boys in Iraq, still waiting on the other. *fingers crossed* So far, his name hasn’t come through the obits repots, so that’s good. Had a funny conversation with that boy yesterday (the one in Iraq that checked-in). He’s got too much energy running through him, seriously needs to get laid, but knows it’s not gonna happen. So he’s cracking me up with all the shit he’s laying on me, my gods it’s a riot. He kept apologizing for talking crude, and I’m sitting there telling him it’s cool, he’s not surprising me. Hell, I’d probably think something was wrong if he wasn’t! Anyway, he tells me this is why I’m cool, because we can sit and talk like that, and he can think of the things he wants to do to me. That fact that I’m good looking and can have serious conversations. Yeah, reinforcing the fact that I’d have made a great courtesan or something similar (no, I don’t equate modern call-girls in the same light). So we joke about that for a bit and I have to head out to run my days errands.

On to other stuff…
Drama is calming down, we’ll see how the rest of today goes. Have libidoergosum time scheduled in sometime this afternoon before the fight. Doing some more cleaning up around the house for weekend visitors. Gotta get my EFT (money order, not cool guy) out to get my edits for my portfolio then gotta write the bio (I hate that shit). Oh well, such is the life and it’s a requirement. I’ll come up with some lame crap to say about myself. 😀

Other things stolen from FreeWill

Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter. Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that “the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that’s a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don’t know how to solve.

I find this amusing due to how my boys see my dating life – loving the challenge of the hunt.

In other news, I’m in a seriously wacky mood. I mean really wacky, bouncy, almost mature childish. It’s kinda funny, bringing issues in some respects, but overall I’m in a seriously good mood. I fear for my friends at the fight tomorrow, wacky freak and violence is a hilariously dangerous mix.

Oh yeah….GAME ON!!!!!!! (hockey hockey hockey) Oh yeah, and as waymerich found what Detroit did with their Octopus last year (those at pitbullpotpie‘s tequila and porn party know what I’m talking about), I guess we’ll have forgive them for putting their octopi to bad use. :X

Scorpio for this week:

When I saw the grandmother of one of my friends dancing exuberantly at a party in a San Francisco warehouse, I was confounded. “Isn’t she 80 years old?” I asked my friend, who was one of the DJs. “82, actually,” he said nonchalantly. “She’s in great shape.” But my amazement wasn’t based merely on how much energy she had; her agile movements were stunningly sensual. I’ve rarely seen young dancers display so much erotic abandon. I decided that she’s a rare example of a person whose aging process has not made her rigid and cautious, but just the opposite: It has lightened and liberated her. She’s a good example for you right now, Scorpio. You should be cultivating the kind of maturity that will loosen your inhibitions and banish your fears.

FreeWill Astrology

Hrm, maybe that’s what the PFC who opened the door for me on my way to the Apple Store was smiling. And it wasn’t because I was acting like one of the shadows in an iPod commercial (yes, I danced my way through the train station and the mall).

So, I went for my morning meeting, Therapist I was to interview never shows up, doesn’t call. Go fig, I love these candidates I’m getting. So, I take care of a few things and head over to the Apple Store to see exactly how dead my 1st gen iPod is. Well, it’ll be $110 for a harddrive installation, that includes parts. Or, I could get 10% off that lovely U2 iPod I’ve had my eye on. The good part, is I can wait on either one, not something I have to get done now, so I can save up for it. I think I’m going for the U2, as much as I love to say I own a 1st Gen iPod, I just don’t think it’s worth it to shell out the cash to replace the harddrive.

Otherwise, got a rush of anger on the train into the city. Seems that my empowerment (Unpretty – TLC) song also brings reminders of past abuse up, and as much as I thought I had dealt with that, apparently I haven’t. So I get to my meeting, having to squash the adrenaline rush. Did pretty good, being there relaxed me a bit till it was time to try and get in touch with DQB (who’s non-communicative, again). Then, I get to the Apple Store and get that news, so I snag a power adapter for my Mini for my car and a new case, then head out, call my Scotsman about the iPod. Yeah, need to stop doing that.

As for keen sense – I have reminded myself of a few choice things that have calmed that down a bit, this is something I need to be Zen about, vs a hyper-sensitive witch. I can’t save the world, and things happen as they happen and sometimes…there’s nothing I can do about it. I need to put that on the first post-it note reminder in my brain. If I don’t have the info, then I shouldn’t worry about it till that info comes in.

Oh yeah, swim suit was on the door stoop when I got home. I like it so much better! The top fits a whole bunch better, even though I have to crawl into it. And the bottom fits (thought it would be too small), even has the little draw-string to keep me from losing them if I get the chance to go diving.