Day: July 26, 2005

I’m tired, worn out from the crap that’s been going on, and it’s only Tuesday. The really sad part, is my weekend was as close to a vacation as I could have gotten and it was nothing but absolute bliss. My goal is to track down the Whipping boy for a trip to the mountains tomorrow, or at least an escape to a coffeehaus in another city/state. I don’t know what’s going on, still having a slight disconnect from my Zoomie, which I’m slowly tracking down to his popularity and my desire to shun limelight. Yes, I talk about a bunch of personal stuff here, laying it all out and taking judgement as it comes, but really – I hate crowds, I hate lots of people, and I hate “adoring” fans who are so sickly sweet they’d melt if you added water. I know this is a contradiction in terms, especially in regards to my latest pursuits. I’m shoving myself into the limelight so that people can fawn all over my image, desire me, and shower me with all the attention in the world. If they do, power to them, otherwise, a simple “Wow, that’s hot. So what motivates you?” would rock my world. I like things to be in-depth, the people I will end up friends with are ones that will actually sit down and talk with me. Maybe that’s what I’m missing right now, meaningful chatter. Maybe that’s where the disconnect truly is, he’s slaving away at new-found success – which is great, and I’m happy for him. Means more growth to who he is, and I walk along the sidelines doing my own thing, waiting for a break.

Anyway, with things slowing down, a bit, I’m hoping to get some new entries into my pillow book. I have 3 in my head and I need to write them before I forget them. Might have to make notes to trigger the memories in the meantime.

Ya know, summer is not the time to look inward, that’s what winter is for, so why am I facing the wrong direction?