Some secret parts of me hate that I can feel anything. It’s easier to feel cold and empty, and accept that, than to feel warm and ful-filled. When you’re cold and empty, you can’t lose anything else, when you’re warm and ful-filled, you can be drained. Sometimes, I just want to curl up and lock the world away, shut everyone out and hang up the “closed” sign. Cut all ties, and let the ribbons fall as they may. Sometimes, it’s just because it’s the easier route. Sometimes, it’s because I’m not strong enough to understand what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. It is difficult, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it though this.
Edit: I think I might actually puke over this. Least I got some good tears out.
I found a new show I like….”Over There” on fox. Though, guess that was a given. At first I was hesitant about watching it, but it’s turning out to be pretty good.
So here’s what I have on slate for tomorrow:
up and out of bed by 9ish
gather outing stuff
stuff the Cat Box o’Doom
take care of early morning work duties
run to bank for deposit
leave by 11A
Call Whipping Boy to let him know I’ll be in his area
Write in my pillow book
Explore the area
Meditate in a spot that’s comfy
Record sensations during meditation
Soak in a cold stream
I’d say that’s a good start, as much as I wish to take the scenic route again, it’s faster by hwy and I stay in cell range longer.
I was all up to head out of town today, and then I woke up at 10A. Oh well, haven’t heard from the Whipping boy, so I’ll have contemplative time tomorrow, such is the life of the busy schedules. Had another incident with the hotel, the only good thing is that we followed protocol and the hotel staff didn’t, woot! I’m getting really annoyed with a few of my employees, seriously, how difficult is it to follow protocol that was verbally conveyed, as well as written out? BAH! Anyway, yeah. That’s it. Nothing else at this point.