Month: March 2005

Scorpio for this week:

It’s illegal to hunt whales in landlocked Utah, ride a bike in a swimming pool in California, and walk on your hands while crossing a street in Hartford, Connecticut. You risk arrest in Nova Scotia if you water a lawn while it’s raining, and could be thrown in jail for eating ice cream on Sunday while on Ottawa’s Bank Street. I recommend that you research all the similarly dumb laws that are on the books in your part of the world, and systematically break them. APRIL FOOL! You’ve got better revolts to attend to than that, Scorpio. Don’t waste your time rebelling against irrelevant laws that few people know about. Direct your dissent at dumb rules that are truly hurtful.

FreeWill Astrology

Hrm. I think I might start a revolution. I’m itching for some violence, ATM.

So far, I’m doing good. Up today just before 9a, and I’ve almost got my presentation taken care of and ready to go. Just have to email it off to the wonderful people at my local Office Depot, head over there to pick up some stuff and presentation, run by the bank, grab food, and I’m good to slack off the rest of the day. I haven’t found time to meditate yet, but as I get up earlier and earlier, I can start watching the sun come up and spend some time in that space.

I do have to say, having the house opened up has helped A LOT! I’m doing much better at staying on a positive wavelength, sitting in my office helps too, it’s the brightest room in the house and I’m surrounded by windows. Gonna hit the gym this afternoon too, probably after I pick up my presentation and talk with the other boss man. Though, with that track record, I’m doubting that is going to happen.

So, my experiment in being a Daywalker is interesting. I dragged my butt out of bed this morning at 8am, got luxpagani to the airport on time and managed to clean the house and get some stuff done on the prelim meeting stuff. This afternoon will be a visit to Skellie to look at my piercings, the Scotsman is worried that my eyebrow stud is being rejected and I need that looked at, as well as sending off for the new stud to go in it. Trying to figure out my schedule for the rest of this week and it’s not working. Seems I have a recruiting fair to be at on Thrusday from 11A to 3P, as well as a meeting that’s supposed to take place sometime before that, plus a meeting for drinks in Lenox (shudder @ the location). So we’ll see how I can fanagle that one.

Plus, finally heard from the boss (funny how I only hear from him when I contact him), flakey crap as usual. He claims he’ll be at the meeting tonight on-time, but we know the track record on that one. Phone meeting in a few with my cool boss to go over prelim stuff.

Oh yeah, did some house-cleaning, imagine that, and made me some lunch soup. Need something else, though, because sugar is currently dropping again.

rawr.

I almost died when I was 15, nasty virus attacked my brain and almost killed me. Every day, I have the reminding ringing in my ear that’s annoying as hell, saying “death happens every day, I can take you at any time.” Well, I’m sick of it. Yes, I love death, I love the concept of it and I have no fear of it, in fact, I love staring it in the face, taunting it to try it again.

So, this summer, I’m going to start living again. My Evil Fraternal Twin woke me up this last winter. Struck the match that relit my fires, and I’ve been doing what I could, since, to stoke the wood to progress from smoke to actual flames. Finally, I’m being consumed by the ensuing fires.

It’s time to re-learn those little things that gave me small pleasures as a child. The sand between my toes, the branch sticking out of my foot or my brother’s during our summer game of “chinese downhill” (ask and I’ll explain) at the dunes on the Indiana side of Michigan lake. The smell of salt on the air, the numbness in my limbs from the frozen waters. I actually had a tan back then, if any of you could believe it. My Indian came out then, the wild child running through the woods of the farm, barefoot, communing with the spirits, and dark of skin. Gods, the days when I didn’t get 2cd degree burns after being outside for 15 minutes.

I will be traveling more, job will enable it, and I can homebase from the Armoury, with my Scotsman anchoring. This summer, I will jump out of a perfectly good airplane, float in the ocean, fall towards the Earthface and bounce back to the sky, learn to enjoy being in my skin. The one thing I was never comfortable with, being human.

(x-posted)

Last night, I made my “Irish” version of Indian coffee. Came pretty close and had a nice kick. Anyway, I’ve always considered Indian coffee to be fairly weak, but that’s because the main goal is for the flavour to come out, not the caffeine taste. So, in my strive to sufficiently “air out” my caffeine system, I halved the amount of beans, added a shot of Baileys (compliments of my grove, as it was they who drank my last bottle, not the ancestors), and 3 bitty scoops of raw sugar. Kicked ass. My Scotsman hated it, but I was the one drinking, not him.

Anyway, I’ve decided to be a bad goth this summer (like I really was one to begin with). It’ll probably kill some of the model work I do, but hey, computer editing could fix the problem. So, onto what I’m going to do….

I’m gonna get me some sun, add some colour to my skin, maybe even my cheeks. My da’s comment about the sea yesterday solidified it. My goal this summer is to return to my roots, not necessarily in going back to the places I was when I was growing up, but going back to the foundations and the things that evolved who I am today. Being the carefree, malicious spirit I once was, frolicking in the sea mist under a bright hot sun, and hopping back across the burning grains of sand to my towel. May the Gods bless the scientists who came up with SPF 75, the waterproof version.

So far, I’m doing good. For the last couple of days, I’ve limited myself to 2 cups of tea or weak coffee, and I prep my Nalgene bottle the night before with the mornings rations of water. Been drinking about 2 of those a day, so far. Hoping to up that as I can actually spend time, DURING THE DAY awake.

I’m also becoming more aware, more serene and beginning to feel like the basics of my foundation are coming back. I’m learning to spend time flitting between the realms, while functioning physically on this one. My main happiness is that I’ve finally gotten the TV turned off for most of the day. Granted, I spend that time sitting in my office, staring out the windows or looking at a computer screen.

Today, while I would love to go to the gym, that will have to be relegated to tomorrow, thanks to the need to hop on the train to go pick up my check from the hotel I don’t work at. Why? Because my boss doesn’t believe in stamps. And this is the 3rd meeting in a row that has been cancelled. Sometimes, I wonder how serious he is about getting this business going anywhere, because it’s everyone else working round the clock to get it functioning. He seems to feel it’s ok to function when he’s around, but run off and cease functioning. Got me.

Scorpio for this week:

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do,” said English journalist Walter Bagehot. I don’t agree with that in general, but it could temporarily be true for you, Scorpio. There may be no other activity that will generate as much satisfaction as refuting the low expectations others have had of you. Even classic thrills like sex, drugs, and rock and roll may not generate feelings equal to the bliss you’ll enjoy when you accomplish what some supposedly knowledgeable person said was impossible.

FreeWill Astrology

I’ve gone through the majority of my life in this manner. It’s how I’ve gotten to where I was 5 years ago, and I’ve let it all go. It was too stressful on me, because I was always fighting against something. After my illness in h.s., my dance coach and teammates got pissed because my coach put my back on the gym team, when I could barely walk (went back to work on motor skills and relearn all that crap). They spent the majority of my rehab pulling the usual “what earned your spot, the fact that the head coach acts like you’re his daughter?” So that season, I took the all-around and the top 3 in every event, and moved up 2 levels.

I was told I couldn’t play on the Hockey team in college. So I tried out, suffered the nightly beatings by guys who didn’t want a girl on their team, beat back, earned the respect and solidified my place. Next year, spent the summer in the gym and on the ice and ready for round two with the new guys coming in, earned my spot again.

Got through college in 3 years, because my parents wanted me to stay there forever (they still tell me they’ll finance my Master’s degree and even Med. School).

This has given me great training, focus and determination when I need it. But damn, it’s tiring, almost like a full-time job. Why? Well, as a gymnast, I spent 17 years on full-focus with not many breaks to cut loose and be a kid.

Right now, I’d rather spend some time proving myself wrong. I want to get over my fear of falling and my fear of heights. I want to spend time floating in a secluded pond under the speckled sunlight through a canopy. I want to prove to myself, that I can enjoy myself and have fun, relax and let go, and live the fantasy in my head, even for a brief moment.