Month: April 2005

Scorpio for this week:

For a limited time only, everything will be pretty much the reverse of what it usually is. Do you have an unlucky number? In the coming week, that number will be a sign that good fortune is nearby. Do you have qualities that you regard as weak or undeveloped? You can now make them work to your advantage. What are the things you’re afraid of? Deal frankly with them and you will stimulate a big boost in your courage. Are you weary of worrying about your enemies? They are about to become great teachers, maybe even helpers.

FreeWill Astrology

My fears are made real and the goal is to approach them, just need money to take care of that pesky fear of heights (Tom Petty’s Free Falling seems a good theme song for that one).

Anyway, I woke up to a lovely dream of sharks, blood, sand and a hot guy. So far, good morning. Need to see if it’s warm enough to get some sun, eat and hit the gym.

Talked with my mum yesterday, trying to explain the respect and anxiety I have towards my friends and lovers going overseas (I’m sure she’s suspecting something at this point). I’ve never understood the logic that she has about walking towards death, to her it’s almost selfish to be willing to die (suicide or current conflict). I can’t seem to impress upon her that it’s selfish of me to hold someone back from a path that would satisfy that need within the soul of another, regardless of the potential loss of them. One of the things I’ve been proud to pride myself on, is my ability to fully support the dreams and desires of those close to me, even if it calls for the potential sacrifice of something I want, namely their presence. I have several around me, who’ve been kind enough to assist or provide a means for me to access and follow my dreams and life goals, how can I turn my back and reject the same of those same people? It is not my right to deny fulfillment to others, unless it is something that goes against my code of honour, at which point I’ll request they find someone else willing to provide, or is something that will ultimately cause detriment to another person for no good reason.

And for clarification on my warrior stuff – being in the military does not the warrior make. In today’s modern “warrior class” (if there really is one in the American culture), women are fully capable of being both mothers and warriors. However, there is a certain level of distain that some, not most, have for the warrior mother. There are several current military examples that I will pull out of my linkage so the air can be made concrete. But till then, one paraphrased example. The widowed warrior who continued the fight, and ultimately died leaving two children behind with their grandparents. Several “think tank” women have used this example as a means of why women should not be in combat, not because the children were deprived of their father, but because they were deprived of their mother. Their argument is that she should have been discharged to care for her children, despite the fact that this women willingly chose to continue her duty. And that is one example, I have a few more where the father is now the primary care-taker, but the argument still stood – a woman left her children at home.

Scorpio for this week:

For a limited time only, everything will be pretty much the reverse of what it usually is. Do you have an unlucky number? In the coming week, that number will be a sign that good fortune is nearby. Do you have qualities that you regard as weak or undeveloped? You can now make them work to your advantage. What are the things you’re afraid of? Deal frankly with them and you will stimulate a big boost in your courage. Are you weary of worrying about your enemies? They are about to become great teachers, maybe even helpers.

FreeWill Astrology

My fears are made real and the goal is to approach them, just need money to take care of that pesky fear of heights (Tom Petty’s Free Falling seems a good theme song for that one).

Anyway, I woke up to a lovely dream of sharks, blood, sand and a hot guy. So far, good morning. Need to see if it’s warm enough to get some sun, eat and hit the gym.

Talked with my mum yesterday, trying to explain the respect and anxiety I have towards my friends and lovers going overseas (I’m sure she’s suspecting something at this point). I’ve never understood the logic that she has about walking towards death, to her it’s almost selfish to be willing to die (suicide or current conflict). I can’t seem to impress upon her that it’s selfish of me to hold someone back from a path that would satisfy that need within the soul of another, regardless of the potential loss of them. One of the things I’ve been proud to pride myself on, is my ability to fully support the dreams and desires of those close to me, even if it calls for the potential sacrifice of something I want, namely their presence. I have several around me, who’ve been kind enough to assist or provide a means for me to access and follow my dreams and life goals, how can I turn my back and reject the same of those same people? It is not my right to deny fulfillment to others, unless it is something that goes against my code of honour, at which point I’ll request they find someone else willing to provide, or is something that will ultimately cause detriment to another person for no good reason.

And for clarification on my warrior stuff – being in the military does not the warrior make. In today’s modern “warrior class” (if there really is one in the American culture), women are fully capable of being both mothers and warriors. However, there is a certain level of distain that some, not most, have for the warrior mother. There are several current military examples that I will pull out of my linkage so the air can be made concrete. But till then, one paraphrased example. The widowed warrior who continued the fight, and ultimately died leaving two children behind with their grandparents. Several “think tank” women have used this example as a means of why women should not be in combat, not because the children were deprived of their father, but because they were deprived of their mother. Their argument is that she should have been discharged to care for her children, despite the fact that this women willingly chose to continue her duty. And that is one example, I have a few more where the father is now the primary care-taker, but the argument still stood – a woman left her children at home.

Well, it’s sooner rather than later. My Zoomie is off running around prepping, and reality hits. Some of the guys that they’re replacing got nailed recently. I’m sure I’ll get the notice in a day or so, if not this afternoon.

See, I can understand the wanting to make me not worry by saying, “It’s ok, everything will be fine.” But the fact is, the chance is there, there is no guarantee. There is always the chance that today is the day to pass, for everyone. Being in a violent area just ups the ante.

Be honest, trying to sugarcoat does nothing except make lame attempts at detaching from reality. That’s the reality of a warrior that some close to me either don’t want to admit, or aren’t ready to confront (general comment, not really directed at any one person). If you’re not ready to admit and acknowledge that reality, then you aren’t ready to walk into battle, you’ll only risk the lives of others by your own inner conflict and it will affect the decisions you would make in the heat of things.

The physical result of life is death, no matter how you look at it, we live our lives because the only alternative is death, so why not live to the fullest and not fear death? All of our physical bodies are going to die, so why live in fear of it?

I can’t say that there’s a whole bunch of useful things to be said today, because there’s not. I’m in one of my thinking modes, of sorts. Can’t say I’ve sat down much with the female warrior idea in the last couple of days, because I’ve been soaking up all the Zoomie time I can get, so I’ll probably put that on the agenda for later.

Job stuff is coming ok, not much to say there other than the fact I need to get a copy of our revamped handbook and sit down to create a full agenda for the meeting. Definitely have some issues on the whole, as I can’t single anyone out. That massively sucks, but I have to, end of story.

Spent a lovely time last night with poisongirl, she gave me giant pick-me-up hugs, literally. We have a week full of wonder and entertainment planned, will be much fun. Also got to chat with her about some of our mutual funk, helped me out a bit.

Was also pointed to an interesting thing going on in the Federal legislative bodies. Seems they want to bury abortion providers in paperwork instead of legislating the medical practice illegal – to the point that they are defining a woman as someone who can get pregnant, regardless the physical maturity to do so (that’s a paraphrase). So what about those of us who can’t get pregnant (having the equipment is not a guarantee of functionality)? Does that mean we’re men? But that’s all silliness. In seriousness, that’s a troubling fact because any legal definition of being a woman that is that imperfect, will cause problems down the road. My Scotsman does not believe it will pass muster via Roe v. Wade, but it’s still disturbing that any woman up there hasn’t thrown a shit-fit yet.

I’m still waiting for the temp to get into the 70s, I need some more sun.

My legs and arms are hurting from the gym yesterday. Least they’re hurting in the right spots this time. My knees are holding up ok, but I can feel a fluid overload after my walks, which is not good. They’re responding to the individual reps nicely. I’m hearing less crunching in the joint, so maybe all the scar tissue is almost ripped up. Least, that’s my hope.

Ok, enough rambling for now.