Scorpio for this week:
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do,” said English journalist Walter Bagehot. I don’t agree with that in general, but it could temporarily be true for you, Scorpio. There may be no other activity that will generate as much satisfaction as refuting the low expectations others have had of you. Even classic thrills like sex, drugs, and rock and roll may not generate feelings equal to the bliss you’ll enjoy when you accomplish what some supposedly knowledgeable person said was impossible.
I’ve gone through the majority of my life in this manner. It’s how I’ve gotten to where I was 5 years ago, and I’ve let it all go. It was too stressful on me, because I was always fighting against something. After my illness in h.s., my dance coach and teammates got pissed because my coach put my back on the gym team, when I could barely walk (went back to work on motor skills and relearn all that crap). They spent the majority of my rehab pulling the usual “what earned your spot, the fact that the head coach acts like you’re his daughter?” So that season, I took the all-around and the top 3 in every event, and moved up 2 levels.
I was told I couldn’t play on the Hockey team in college. So I tried out, suffered the nightly beatings by guys who didn’t want a girl on their team, beat back, earned the respect and solidified my place. Next year, spent the summer in the gym and on the ice and ready for round two with the new guys coming in, earned my spot again.
Got through college in 3 years, because my parents wanted me to stay there forever (they still tell me they’ll finance my Master’s degree and even Med. School).
This has given me great training, focus and determination when I need it. But damn, it’s tiring, almost like a full-time job. Why? Well, as a gymnast, I spent 17 years on full-focus with not many breaks to cut loose and be a kid.
Right now, I’d rather spend some time proving myself wrong. I want to get over my fear of falling and my fear of heights. I want to spend time floating in a secluded pond under the speckled sunlight through a canopy. I want to prove to myself, that I can enjoy myself and have fun, relax and let go, and live the fantasy in my head, even for a brief moment.
Those sound like good goals to me. You’ve definitely worked hard in your life.
If you want a nice spot to float, I know just the place, though it’s a river, not a pond.
Up there or down here?
Both actually. The Boise River up here, and the ones running along it like the Payton (? Gotta look up that name), are just filled with gorgeous little hideaways suitable for happy mindless zen floating. But in Cumming, not far from where I lived, there’s a pond that I used to like hanging out at. I don’t think I’d recommend swimming in it, though; it was a bit murky and probably an open cholera breeding ground. But pretty. Someone living nearby had brought up some plastic chairs of the $1.99 Albertson’s variety and set them up near the pond’s edge.