So what’s going on with me? It’s called stress. Not so much around the business, as that is going well and holding steady, but personal stress because I’m not at the point where I can rely on the business for all of my income but given that I need to focus on it – well, can’t really be going elsewhere to make-up the difference. I’m confident that the ad campaign my marketing person is working on, is going to boost things, but still.
growth
Obligatory birthday post
This morning, at 1something AM, I turned 33. This is the first year since I started acknowledging this day, again, that I have nothing planned (except some post-election celebratory foodage with friends – that has nothing to do with my birthday). Instead, I’m working, which is odd, and doing some reflection (in fact, this post is starting at 1:04am on 11/2). When I started this decade, I thought I was moving into something grander than what my 20s were about. Something about finding my course and starting out on the path that was mapped out during that wonderful decade. I’ve grown past the need to heal and step forward from that nightmare, looking at the joy and sunshine that actually existed.
Instead, 2 years ago, I was sitting in my room on the 8th floor of a hostel overlooking one of the most beautiful cities in the world wondering what in the hell I was really searching for and whether or not it would be worth making the trip home. In that weekend, I learned to stop letting things get away from me without saying anything and start recognizing the truth that was in front of me. That was my map, half of my own doing, and half of circumstance. Regardless, the hell I went through, that year, I don’t regret it.
Anyway, today is mostly a reflection (it’s Nov. 3, 3.49pm EST), the day is rainy, my office is cold and I was just informed that my gas won’t be turned on till Dec. 1. Chase is a bitch and I had to yell at them this morning. There was no stoup for me today, as the Biscuit was closed (but Kroger makes a very, very yummy chilli). The positive – my credit card machine arrived and it’s charging. I’m reading through the fun stuff and should be able to run all charges tomorrow. Tonight is dinner with friends, to celebrate the actual change that has occurred in DC (though, not near enough, maybe next election cycle).
And no, this post did not go where I was wanting it to go. Oh well, Geek Depresif. 😉
Hey look! I’m not dead and just posting horrorscopes!
Heh, anyway, this weekend was pretty busy. I created a psycho Friday/Saturday schedule, of back-to-backs at both my office and with my private clients, including a straight 4-hr/30m break/1.5-hr Saturday. Though, it was fun and I was surprised at how not-so-stressed I am over it.
Sunday was a celebration of the Su-ness. So Happy Birthday psychosu!!!! I love you, you’re amazing and you’re looking fabulously hotter than normal!
I’m still learning to trust in the universe, in fact, I’m about to take a huge leap of faith. I finally put in my resignation, and I will be focusing completely on my company. This means my budget deficit is 100% on my shoulders, which, funny enough, I can tolerate more than relying on an outside company to help me fall short. So right now, I place my trust in the universe to put the doors there, and in me to find and open them.
And on that note, since it’s been almost 24-hrs since I started this post – apparently, I needed to learn a lesson in generosity (or keeping track of my stuff).
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
I might be a bit rambly, here, as I really don’t have anything in my head to focus a topic.
I guess I’m a little late on the spring cleaning, but at least the attitude is growing more positive as the summer progresses. Not necessarily in the sense that everything is going to happen the way that I want it to, but in that it’s at least going to happen. I’ve let go of a serious dead end, least in the emotional sense, and I’m building the foundation necessary for the structure to replace it. Pretty much, I’ve made the decision to rely only on the income of my business and focus on its growth, than relying on outside sources of income. It detracts from my focus of growing my business, even if it allows me to leave more of the business income with the business. I also need the time to talk with a colleague about an idea that would benefit us both, and that definitely requires time.
I’m also moving more towards a more sustainable lifestyle. Yeah, kind of redundant, considering the lifestyle I’ve been living for the last 3 years. But, I’m cutting back on the distance driving, and as soon as the credit debt is paid down some more, I’m going to start budgeting more on my MARTA card for Atlanta trips, since all the shopping centers I frequent are either in my immediate area or on a MARTA rail line. On the days off, I don’t mind spending the extra time necessary to do my shopping by bus/rail – which will also give me the unwinding time I’ve been needing.
Now, to get that exercise routine going. That’s the major hindrance right now. My body doesn’t acclimate to heat very well, which has really cut into the hour walks/runs/bike rides. And that inability to wake up in the mornings….well, that pretty much cuts out the prime time to do all that. But I’m getting there.
(And these feelings are greatly helped by the fact that my house is becoming more and more organized.)…speaking of…I will be needing some assistance with some renovations, in order to get the place ready for guests in September. Namely, adding a door/wall to split my bedroom off from the hallway/bathroom. Will know more after speaking a bit more with my renovations guy.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
If you have been engaged in any S&M scenario, even metaphorically, now would be a good time to quit it. Whether you’re the person who’s whipping or being whipped, the connection is no longer serving any worthy purpose. The good news is that freeing yourself from compromising entanglements will make you fully available to explore new frontiers in collaboration. You will also be blessed with an influx of intuition about how to reconfigure bonds that have become blah and boring. And what if you’re not currently involved in any S&M scenario? Congrats! Your assignment is to transform one of your pretty good relationships into a supercharged union that’s capable of generating life-changing magic.
FreeWill Astrology
I wish it wasn’t true, but unfortunately I’m engaged in the usual S&M scenario, where I’m beating myself up. And no, there is no purpose to the situation.
I’m trying to somewhat get on a schedule again. Somewhat failing. Mainly because I’m trying to get the house in order, second issue is food. I’m finding that I’m naturally falling into Ayurvedic habits, which I really like, but my summer habits mean I eat less at each sitting and my work/training schedule doesn’t actually mesh very well with an increase in meal/snack times.
Sooooo, what to do?? Well, as soon as I can get the bills under control, I’ve got my ideas to help me with all of this. Summer meals tend to start with granola, yogurt, berries. An hour later, some eggs and coffee. Then lunch. This is where it falls off the planet and the issues occur. I’m usually at work and working, which means….no food. If I’m in Buckhead, I can snag a decent salad and I’m fine (the Biscuit rocks on this).
And this is where I’m looking for ideas. From my travels, I have some good ideas on stuff and plan to incorporate them.
Oh summer….
I’ve decided that Tuesdays are pretty much a no work day, similar to Sunday. It’s reserved for emergency clients only because I realize how much I need down time. I’ve been moving into that thing that I never wanted to become…a workaholic. And it’s detracted from my whole goal in balancing that work/personal experience thing.
I’m also stuck not doing the thing I really enjoy and find that I end up sitting on my ass doing nothing, instead of being active and having fun because I’m too tired from either being constantly on my feet and moving, or sitting around in an office doing nothing. Which I hate more than anything else, as it encourages me to be lazy.
I want to do more writing, but the creativity is not there, the head is not open because it’s clouded with all this work stuff and worry. Almost feels like someone stuffed me in a straight jacket and just keeps tightening the straps. Every time I try to get back to the gym, something comes up that prevents me from going, I can’t complain much because the money is needed, but I find it hard to tell myself to be patient for a bit longer. It almost feels like an exercise in futility. Where am I supposed to draw the line where I’ve been patient enough? I know where I’m going to draw it, but why do others seem to think I should hang on longer? Just too many questions, with very few answers.
Can’t wait to have the house pretty much finished. That will open up mornings. But at least the HVAC system has been installed…now I just need to get the digital thermostat. Have I mentioned how much I hate analog ones? They’re so inaccurate.
Well, I am at a crossroads, again. Another chapter is ending, and the prologue for the next is being written. I’m contemplating the continuation of my personal site, as it needs to evolve again. I know I will always be Freakchylde, and the name will need to evolve as well. I need a newer definition of who she is, as this next part of my life comes into play. She still is who she is, and then some….but what is that ‘then some’?
We will find out soon enough. 🙂 Time to return to the roots, so I can get some direction for the leaves and branches.
That said….anyone know of a small-type willow that can thrive on a second story condo patio? It feels weird not having one around.
Freakchylde's 