Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
If you have been engaged in any S&M scenario, even metaphorically, now would be a good time to quit it. Whether you’re the person who’s whipping or being whipped, the connection is no longer serving any worthy purpose. The good news is that freeing yourself from compromising entanglements will make you fully available to explore new frontiers in collaboration. You will also be blessed with an influx of intuition about how to reconfigure bonds that have become blah and boring. And what if you’re not currently involved in any S&M scenario? Congrats! Your assignment is to transform one of your pretty good relationships into a supercharged union that’s capable of generating life-changing magic.
I wish it wasn’t true, but unfortunately I’m engaged in the usual S&M scenario, where I’m beating myself up. And no, there is no purpose to the situation.
I’m trying to trust in the universe, and I’m getting little trickles here and there that give me more freedom to trust. Which, oddly enough, has been my albatross for the majority of my life – trust. I am willing to say that all the work I’ve been doing for the last 10 years has finally moved me to the point where I can work on this subject. I’ve had way too much fodder to not trust, than I have to trust.
I honestly think it comes down to that wonderful recurring dream, where I’m 1 year-old and my dad leaves me on the side of the pool and I jump in to follow and go floating to the bottom – with no one noticing. Call it a Freudian slip, literally, but the connection to how I view men has been completely tied up in it, and probably one of the reasons that I am the way I am, and why I’m not dependent upon a male partner to take care of me. The world hasn’t given me much reason to change that habit, at least in regards to what I view as the important needs – the emotional ones. Those have been dropped time and time again, the minute I give myself over to trust someone with them. Failure of mine? Yeah. Failure of my partner to realize that those are what need to be guarded and protected? Definitely. I recognize that I’m pretty self-sufficient and that tends to leave guys wondering what place they hold in my life. I’ve tried leaving things to partners, that I could do, for the purpose of letting them have that meaning – that failed, miserably (on multiple levels).
But hey, trial and error, right? So where am I now? Oh yeah – Your assignment is to transform one of your pretty good relationships into a supercharged union that’s capable of generating life-changing magic. – So far, it’s working pretty good. And given the situation I find myself in, we’re going to find out if this works in the super-charged kinda way.
Another fault of mine? Inability to ask for help when I need it. It’s not because of the way that I was raised, necessarily. Yeah, my Dad (again) told me that I was responsible for paying the consequences for my mistakes, financial or otherwise. But that’s not the reason. It’s back to that trust thing. I always feel like I’m asking TOO much. Coupled with the partner history, I’ve been made out to be a free-loading materialistic bitch on some occasions, and to varying degrees. Are there times when I just want to give up and let someone else take care of me? Always. I’m tired to the point of exhaustion and completely stressed out. I can trust though, from one simple conversation a month ago….”This is all about you. Sleep in, stay up late, be lazy. I’m here to take care of you.” And so far, it hasn’t been a half-truth. I am optimistic.