Month: February 2007

Scorpio for this week:

As I contemplate the growing wonder of your animal magnetism, my urge to spout poetry is uncontrollable. You’re like a dancing heron or a singing tiger or a snake spelling out words by assuming different letter-shaped poses. You’re a crazy-mirrored funhouse full of tool-using ravens. You’re a convention of laughing hyenas partying at a watering hole on the other side of the tracks from paradise. In short, you’re as impossible to predict as a drunk hummingbird, as dangerously smart as a shape-shifting fox from Japanese mythology.

FreeWill Astrology

Hrm, I guess that would be the first time I’ve managed to make someone sprout poetry, by my shear existence. But I do like being a bit unpredictable. Maybe that will be a positive thing for the upcoming tournament. Though, I really like the Raven, heron and fox references. I’ll have to contemplate them more, in the frame of things.

I love my IRA account. I really do. Every quarter, I lose money because they withdraw not on the quarter as I originally requested, but apparently a month early, or whenever they feel like it. The last withdrawal was in November, the recent withdrawal was last week. I just found out about it, because I looked at my online account stuff to find out that I had an overdraft that hasn’t come into my mailbox yet. Why? Because my IRA contribution was withdrawn a month early. At one point, I thought I had their pattern figured out, but apparently they changed it up on me. So I go into my online account for the IRA, to find out that they’ve ceased doing online account maintenance and replaced it with forms to mail-in. So I call them up. Oh wait, that 24-hr account help is no longer an option, I have to call during regular business hours. I’m at the point where I don’t give a shit how good a fund Oakmark is, I’m ready to move it back to e-trade just for the sheer customer service capabilities. Or maybe, I’ll just transfer it to my brother to manage. Fuckers.

I am not sure what did it, but something in my snapped last night. Between trying to explain to people, who not only insisted on reading into things, but also not letting go of what they’re trying to force upon me to see what I’m actually saying, and trying to get my friend’s wedding profile to stay put – instead of forwarding me to an mtv site, I lost it. My throat is a bit sore today due to the grunting and other sounds of frustration. I’m almost back to square one at work, even if it’s a benefit to those I work with. I don’t like going in circles and pretending I’m a dog chasing my tail. I appreciate the fact that the change up of things at work means that I will be putting in more hours, which will hopefully even out my schedule. But having been asked if I’m going to be in town the week I requested off at the end of March is not a positive sign, in my book. Yes, I’m taking on more responsibility, due to the fact that I’m going to be the one here, but I will not go back to working vacations. On my off-time, work is on the back-burner. It’s something I look at when I have the inkling, not something that is always on my mind. I’ve also considered the offer to work part-time at the gym, which would probably benefit my training, in the long run. But it would also require the hiring of someone at the office, which, I’m wondering if we need to do that anyway.

At any rate, I’m back to being generally frustrated with people. Seriously, I have to sit back, and wonder how a species that is inherently so stupid, has managed to propigate itself to the top of the food chain. Or maybe I just need to start going back to TownCenter Border Pagans, so I can have my brain picked and stretched. The only problem, is that it’s at the same time my Kundalini class is doing after-ritual discussion. :/ Oh hell. I just need mental stimulation period, of the high-intellect kind, and I’m not getting it where I used to find it.

Scorpio for this week:

In the coming weeks, you’ll attract cosmic assistance whenever you add to your repertoire, branch out artistically or socially, or start gathering seed money for a project that may take years to ripen. Mythically speaking, the coming weeks will also be a good time to have intimate relations with a fertility god or goddess, and to plant magic beans that will grow into a beanstalk that reaches the sky. “Is that it?” you may be asking. “Nothing but good news?!” My only caveat, which is pretty minor, is that you might add a few pounds to your frame. If you’re a hetero woman, that could be caused by a pregnancy unless you’re careful.

FreeWill Astrology

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Weighed in at 128 today, up from 123 (yeah, whole lot, but when you’re trying to maintain weight so you weigh-in at 129 or under, with a 5lb gi on, it’s a lot). Though, we are coming upon the beginning of the light half of the year (which, should have started to sprout last month, but seems to be delayed a bit), so I guess it’s time to start talking to Brigidh again, as well as my usual conversation companion, or maybe spend some time with Lugh this year. At any rate, I’m not seeing a pregnancy, as that would require me to be something other than celibate, and the fact that I’d do enough damage before I even found out I was pregnant. At any rate, tomorrow is the gym for cardio, as is Friday. Going to stop by the Apothocary to see about stuff to assist me in maintaining weight and eventually stuff to help build muscle for when I start lifting weights again. I’m still sore from Kundalini, but I don’t think yesterday’s training session helped that any. Lots of jump/sprawls will make for very sore shoulders.

At any rate, I do feel an awakening coming. I’m definitely on the right path with my Kundalini work and meditation sessions.

This weekend was wonderful. Stared out the window at work a lot, then Sunday, my Scotsman took time out of his housework schedule to take me out for a date day. It was great. I love being able to go out and spend an entire day just talking to him. He took me to see Letters from Iwo Jima, and I have to say, Ken Watanabe has officially replaced Sean Connery as my favourite older actor. He did a wonderful job in this movie, as did the man who played 1st Lt. Nishi. Afterwards, we went out for Japanese (how typical), but it does give me a greater appreciation for the culture, even though some of the things they did in the name of the Emperor. Afterwards, it was out to a cafe for dessert and coffee. We just sat and talked about my fears, things we want in life and a few other things….like how to get around that whole kid issue. 😉 But I do have to say, I very much appreciate my Scotsman. As odd as our set-up is, it works and it’s low-key and we take care of each other. The last couple of weeks he’s been my rock, as I try to integrate the latest knowledge of myself into the rest of me. He’s let me have my time, down to the fact that I spent all of yesterday out of the house, while he took care of house chores. He knew I needed the decompression time from my life and from work, so he let me take what I needed. With that said, I went to my first Kundalini class last night. OMG, that stuff is amazing!!!! I actually got my hip and shoulder to open up some more, granted, I’m sore as hell, but it was nice. 2 hours of ritual yoga, complete with chanting, singing, breathwork and asanas. Yummy! It really wakes up your senses, in fact, my throat chakra is much more open now. Spent the bulk of the time chanting, so it ended up very activated, and it’s very happy right now. Hell, even my Jits today was on spot, I became aware of a lot of stuff, to the point I managed to best one of our purple belts. I think if I keep this up, I’ll be totally ready for Pan-Ams. And honestly, I’m pretty happy I shut down my IMs. I’m half-way through Chapter 2 of my Danish, and it’s all clicking for me. Not to mention, the tummy stuff is slowly being resolved, as is the anxiety problems I’ve had.

I spent most of the day relaxing and working. I took time out to write down the ritual notes for my full-contact fights. Once I figure out how to write it up, I’ll be posting it on my blog. Now to start working on the coire meditations and the ritual for my bjj tournaments. I’m definitely feeling better in my headspace, and starting to get back to normal. And as far as the tummy issues, well, apparently my stomach is stronger than some of my friends. I’ve been having poisoned peanut butter on my toast every day. Go me! But thankfully, the most I received was a very vocal tummy that had a bit of distemper. But at any rate, I’m going to continue experimenting with my breakfast and see what we can fix up.

Tomorrow, is movie time, meditation, writing and cleaning!

I had to share this one for today:

You might seek out extra private time today and the quiet solace can do you a world of good. Unexpected visitors or a change in your schedule can increase your anxiety level, so it’s important to do whatever is necessary to replenish your energy. Don’t be afraid of turning off your computer and pulling the plug on your phone. If at all possible, get out and enjoy the comfort and beauty offered by nature. (

And how true it is. I’ve been spending the last week using every available time to de-stress and meditate. It seems to be helping my headspace a little, but that will be the following post. At any rate, I have a 1.5 hour opening this afternoon, that is now completely dedicated to me. The last couple of weeks have taken a toll on me, and while I really enjoy my friends, and enjoy taking care of them as I can, I can’t do it right now. It’s one reason why I’ve taken time off of IMs (and no ET, this has nothing to do with our chats. I miss them actually). I’ve had too many people coming at me left and right demanding my time, in fact, at this rate, I’m sure I pissed off a teammate for demanding he tell me what he was talking about in email instead of over the phone. I’ve come to the conclusion, that until I feel satisfied, I’m going to be selfish. I’ve gotten tired of putting everyone else ahead of me, and right now, I need to come first. I know I need to learn to guard myself so my “Can I help you?” vibes get quashed when I’m not in therapist mode, but I also need to get better about helping people help themselves so I don’t become the designated “go-to” guy for mental stability. Which brings me to stress. I’m a massage therapist, people tend to think that we are the most laid back people ever. WRONG! I have to deal with clients who don’t like me taking time for myself, because it takes out the time they wanted for a massage. I have to deal with high-strung clients who expect me to take their relaxing breath for them and rush me because they have no concept of “loose scheduling”. And that’s fine for them. I will not take that route for myself. Anyway, I’m convinced it’s manifested in my post-lunch upset stomach, as well as my hyper-alertness (though, my fighting doesn’t help that either). The result is a diet change, to figure out if it’s breakfast (though, the way today is setting up, obviously it’s not) or something else. I have plans to go see the nutritionist at the gym, as well as acupuncture and a trip to my therapist.

The positive in all of this, is that it makes me look forward to my trip to Scandinavia all that much more. At any rate, this is why I don’t answer my phone, and you don’t see me on IMs.

Scorpio for this week:

“My God, these folks don’t know how to love,” wrote novelist D. H. Lawrence, “that’s why they love so easily.” He certainly wasn’t referring to people from your tribe. You Scorpios may find it easy to entertain gusts of lust, but you’re too smart about real love to dive casually into its mysteries. You want to be a perpetual student who’s in humble awe of the primal power of deep attraction. You know intimately that no matter how sweet and light love may sometimes feel, it always has the potential to sweep you into the unpredictable depths and change everything forever. Meditate further on these matters; it’ll prepare you for the coming weeks.

FreeWill Astrology

Hrm. I’m hoping this just ends up another “Oh, SHIT!” moment. Especially given, that in a couple of weeks I’ll be at my friend Jeremy’s wedding. And we know what happens at those things…