Some secret parts of me hate that I can feel anything. It’s easier to feel cold and empty, and accept that, than to feel warm and ful-filled. When you’re cold and empty, you can’t lose anything else, when you’re warm and ful-filled, you can be drained. Sometimes, I just want to curl up and lock the world away, shut everyone out and hang up the “closed” sign. Cut all ties, and let the ribbons fall as they may. Sometimes, it’s just because it’s the easier route. Sometimes, it’s because I’m not strong enough to understand what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. It is difficult, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it though this.

Edit: I think I might actually puke over this. Least I got some good tears out.

8 comments

  1. oh, dear

    *hugs*

    Honey, I don’t know what I can say or do because I have felt like this before too, so I know that nothing sounds good when this happens. Whatever is making you feel like this… I don’t know. SOmetimes you just have to cry a lot and get your emotions out of the way. Then you can think logically about things.

    Ya just have to cry and eat comfort food and watch sad movies… Drive somewhere… Anything. Talk to a complete stranger…… Get a spa pedicure… Whatever works for you. But you get through, even though it feels like you won’t.

    Call me if you need to talk.

    Like

    1. Re: oh, dear

      Yeah, went to the mountains today. Didn’t help much. Can’t do the comfort food because I did that last week (M&M cookie ice cream sandwiches – 6 of them). The thing that sucks, I’ve got a headache now. But things are slowly getting settled.

      Like

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