The internet at the office is up and running, figured out the networking panel so all I need now are more cables, and an extension cord. Makes me happy.
Today is gonna be pretty good. Just need to run a couple of errands this afternoon then off to yoga and a mentor meeting. I’d like to get my habits down so I can head to my Kundalini yogini’s new spot. Life is just so much better when I see her once a week. I’m ready to start getting the office a bit more organized. Looked at pictures of other therapist offices, so I think I’m going to go back to that. I feel like my work room is too “corporate”. So, pretty curtains, since they’re the easiest. 😀
My mentor group is next up for presentations on the throat chakra. We have several ideas on what all we want to do for it, but we’re going to sit down and be more concrete tonight. I’m excited!!!!
Today was awesome. I had a new client come in from one of my ad deals, she wanted a Thai session. I love that modality and I’m really sad that not a lot of people want it. But we talked most of the time and I was so in tune with what was going on, I was able to just move her into each position and was able to note when she was sinking into that place, where releases were going to happen. The best part, is she walked out balanced and you could see it in her physical stance. I LOVE IT! Also finished stitching up the turbo pup’s bed, that he destroyed yesterday. Not completely like new, but the stuffing won’t fall out of it anytime soon, unless he takes his claws to it again.
I’m also learning how the office is networked. Had the internet installed this week so I just need to go invest in some network cables to get the outlets to work – I hope. I love that this place came pre-networked. Now to just install all the wall heating units and the office is completely on its way!!!
This week has actually been pretty good. I’ve had plenty of downtime to reflect on this last weekend, and some of the issues that have come up. And interesting side effect is that my throat chakra is blocked again. OH YAY! So, not sure what else is in there, but I have plenty of time to self-reflect.
Wednesday, I picked up Sven – a classmate’s pug puppy. Been a useful disruption to the household and has been a source of amusement for all – even the cats. They’ve started coming out and being somewhat social, even though they’re standoffish. Lexus, Elan and Pneus have taken to coming into the bedroom to sniff around. Sven isn’t sure what to make of them, but he’s taking his licks pretty well. Even managed to annoy one of my neighbors yesterday at 9am. Bonus points!! I just hope it was the downstairs neighbor, whose puppy was overly whiny when she wasn’t home (but I mainly wish for the 10-3am conversations around the bong during summers when my doors were open, when I had 7am wake-up times).
For turkey day, I picked up some prepped chicken from WF, along with some taters and some really tasty decaf coffee (but will get to that later). Defrosted the croissant dough and went to work. I made myself a wonderful meal and am quite proud of it. Homemade mashed taters FTW! Now, decaf….wonderful taste, no jitters or sweats! I’m totally thrilled, now to just save up to buy a smidge at a time. Going to try out the WM decaf, too. I just wish that the Atlanta court system could have gotten its ass in order so that I could have gone home, instead. Oh well, working on Christmas, instead. 🙂
So, this afternoon and tomorrow for work, then off to see the Muppets with some classmates. Sunday, gonna restart the yoga program and take a super low day. Ease into it and finish off with a yoga class in the afternoon. I need to quit sitting on the bed. It’s driving me and my back nuts. But, I have stuff to do at the office now, and since I have internet, it’s even better!!
I had a release today on the way to work. I felt it coming a mile away, finally. I still have some more and had mini-ones this afternoon. That said…
I really hate you right now. I really, really do. You spent the whole time we were together trying to “teach” me to hold things in. You strangled me in a worse way than physically putting your hands around my throat. I couldn’t write anything here because I was too worried about what you would think, what you would assume and having to explain myself. You tried to make me into some weak woman, who had to depend on you – because you NEEDED to be needed. Then, the one time I really needed you. The one chance you really had to protect me. You ran away. You shut me out and left me on my own to take care of myself. You lied to me. You told me a flat face lied and you knew it was a lie. I trusted you with the deepest part of me and you ran away. There is nothing that can make up for that. And I really wish there was, because now I have to deal with the fallout within myself. The trust issues I have, with myself. I question my feelings, I fight with myself just to even feel something.
I was rebuilding myself from the previous physical restrictions. You knew this, you knew my history!
Because of that. You are an asshole. You are just like those other guys. But you know what? They’re better. They’re better because they’re up front about who and what they are. They don’t hide behind a mask or a costume. I told you once that hell is paved with good intentions, and I hope you wear your wool sweaters, because I do not want, or need, anything from you. Ever again.
I hate that I had to learn this lesson, twice. But at least I’m in a better place. I’m glad you kicked me out. I have the best life I could think of now. No lies, no hands on my throat, and no one using me as a project. Just the people who love me, and love everything about me. Including my faults.
This is mainly just to remind me to write about this. But I had an amazing experience with Rounding this weekend and have lots of introspection to write about. Unfortunately, it’s not all in verbalized forms yet.
The parts that are:
My daddy issues are not with my actual father. We have been repairing our relationship for quite some time, and given the point when my injuries occurred and flare-ups happen – it never happens with my father, just with males who have taken, or attempted to take, an over-whelming patriarchal position in my life.
I have not taken adequate time to mourn for those I’ve lost in my life. Doug, David F., Don, my Uncle – I’ve internalized much of my sadness because I never felt that I was in a safe place to cry over their passing. I honestly think that is the source of my lone tears that appear for no reason.
I am in the presence of some amazing people. Some I am just opening up to, and others who naturally knew me, I am lucky as hell right now and hope to keep it up.
So, the weekend brought the discovery that my entertainment set-up was making the mantle fall off the wall. It’s good, because I wanted to remove it and didn’t know how. Bad, because it would have been nice to keep the technology out of the bedroom. I despise technology in the bedroom with a passion that beats out that thousand sun saying. The positive, is that my bedroom is getting cleaner and more organized. I’m also finding that I focus on this room more and not the 100 other things that need to be done in the rest of the living space. That means that one bookshelf has been completely cleaned off and is prepped to head to the office, one alter has been created/restored, and I’ve actually been relaxing. The downside….I’ve spent waaaaaaaay too much time in my bedroom. I’ve got cabin fever at this point, so I’m setting up my remote speakers, so I can listen to my podcasts and music in the living room.
I’m also tired of being on my own. I look forward to YTT weekends just so I can be around people and in the company of people (they’re super awesome to begin with). My neighbor and I are going to start doing dinner out once a week, because she’s kinda in the same boat and just wanting to be social. I realize I’ve pretty much done this to myself, but hey, not much one can do when social events are held on the other side of town from where I live. I’m going to keep doing burger Thursdays at NRT, and will post to my FB for those who are interested, sometimes it will be earlier than others, depending on what my Thursdays looks like.
Yoga is coming along, I figure about 2-3 more test run-throughs and I’ll pass. Still having difficulty in getting the practice going, the lack of homework is nice, because I can do what I want and create my own routines. I think I’m just going to separate out the homework and my practice, the only problem is finding the time for both. But hey, wide open schedule = plenty of time. I just need to stop being LAZY!!