Nerves hit yesterday at 11.30AM. They progressed during the day, only made worse by a friend in town I’ve been wanting to hang out with, and finding that wasn’t possible. So compound that with my general insecurities about friend-making and possibly annoying the ever-living fuck out of the person and causing problems that shouldn’t have been there to begin with. GAH! So what do I do? I head to Chatt to the overlook of lots of sparkling lights, making the Earth like the Heavens. On the way up there, I hit my dark spot, ready to destroy all my opponents. Then my boy Z called. Broke the mood, but the events of the last couple of days I’ve held on to, so that I can return to that dark place tonight and be ready tomorrow.

This is the one thing that bugs me about the chosen path I’m taking. Very few understand the need to be in that place. And they don’t help me stay there, they break me out of it, but don’t understand when I separate out from them. Maybe I should have told my friend that this weekend was set aside for me, made things easier on the both of us. Who knows, that could be my own fears talking, and probably is. Time to go to the gym, I should just expect the solitude, instead of seeking against nature. One of the first triads I learned – Of the 3 people who are cursed, one is he who works against nature. Maybe I should stop being who I want to be, and just exist as the person I am. Unfortunately, she’s not a very pleasant person to be around.

One comment

  1. being alone

    i was pretty much un-alone for almost 30 years. the past five have been a learning experience.

    when i do get lonely it sucks that no one is around, but when im just being me, or having a “dark space” it is a blessing.

    BTW i’d hang with you anytime.

    Like

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