Month: April 2006

Ok, they want to be in this country illegally. So they write a new anthem, sung to the Stars and Stripes, but in Spanish? Can someone please clue them in? Apparently telling them to stop flying the Mexican flag (symbol of the country that can’t support them), didn’t hit home hard enough. Call me strange, but if I was going to go live in another country, and either try to become a citizen or legal worker of that country….I’d at least start working on learning the language and abiding by the laws. Not make the people who are citizens learn my language and my laws. *shakes head*

How do you segregate yourself out of society? Prove how much different you are. *sigh*

Scorpio for this week:

The Sun and Mercury are lighting up your astrological House of Relationships. Uranus, the planet of awakening, is animating your House of Creativity, and is in a sweetly harmonious aspect with the expansive planet Jupiter, which is invigorating your House of Beginnings. What does it all mean? You have a fantastic opportunity to experiment with the ways you conduct your intimate alliances. I suggest that you have major fun as you introduce previously undreamed-of innovations into your three best bonds.

FreeWill Astrology

Hehehehehehehehe, FUN!!!!!!

In all the years that I’ve participated in male dominated sports, or on all-male teams, this is the first time that I almost had to leave the mat in tears. I have no idea how I managed to keep it together, outside of the fact I’d have to ask permission to leave, and explain why. There was no fucking way I was going to say “I need to leave because I’m about to cry.” I don’t know how I got through the last three partners either. Though, my last two, I actually started getting a bit more aggressive and going for stuff, which helped a bit.

BUT GODFUCK! Guys, I don’t give a flying rat’s ass if you don’t want a girl in the gym. If that’s the case, either go to class at a different time, or suck it up because she’s not going to leave to assist your fucking ego the size of a peanut shard. You earn yourself no points by strong-arming us, and you don’t help us learn anything. As much as I enjoy the knowledge that I can now make it through a class like this, and survive the set-up. I’m pissed about the fact that I learned jack-shit to nothing, if it weren’t for two of my parnters seeing my weaknesses and asking me if I wanted to work them while I was with them. One even taught me a few new moves. Seriously, if anything I took away from this experience at this point, I’ve taken greater appreciation for my teammates, my training partner and my instructor. Because they fucking rock my socks. They don’t look at me and go “You want me to roll with a girl?” They see it as a good opportunity to work their technique and work with someone who’s more flexible, smaller, and more likely to get out of subs they can slap on a larger person with no problem. The best roll I had this entire week, was with a pro-level fighter, because he wanted to roll. He didn’t want guys being a blanket, he just wanted to roll and it was all technique. I mean, I suffered through each workout, pushing myself, knowing that the next workout would be easier. Today I made it through a 1.5 hour class with only 2 breaks for water. I did full conditioning and sucked it up and kept going on the rolls. I learned nothing outside of those two guys helping me out today, and I feel like I wasted my fucking time with it.

Scorpio for this week:

As you enter the Season of Unleashed Desire, here are a few guidelines to help you navigate your way through the interesting complexities ahead. (1) Consider the possibility that you have a lot to learn about what you really want. (2) Find out whether your chronic anger is obstructing the full bloom of a potentially beautiful desire. (3) Be careful about desiring experiences you don’t understand. (4) Meditate on the likelihood that some of your desires are superior to others, and that maybe you should cultivate those superior desires with more determination that you do the mediocre ones.

FreeWill Astrology

1) Yeah, some of this has been in my head today, with a few words left over from Sunshine, said in Vegas.
2) I’ve also had my realization that I do want to be able to rely on someone to take care of me when needed, and the disappointment that results is the stem of my anger. It was the main reason why I decided to stop having such high expectations, and just taking things as they come.
3) Everything in due time, I guess. Not sure what experiences I don’t understand, except maybe the ones that consume me.
4) Nothing like prioritizing.

With that said, I have more pics up on UFC 59, including a few of me. 😉

So, I guess I’m a little bit more high maintenance than I thought I was. So I’m going to admit it, and accept it. What I can see, from my own observations of myself, is that I will shut down in order to provide what I need for myself. When I’m with someone, I need to feel loved, and need to be shown that I’m loved. When I don’t get that, I kinda feel left by the wayside and clam up and look elsewhere. I guess I still have that fantasy of being consumed by some fictitious fire that will never exist.

Scorpio for this week:

“Dear Dr. Brezsny: Usually I gobble up your words. They’re soul food that nourishes me for days. But last week’s ‘scope gave me indigestion. Was there a hidden meaning? Can I coax a deeper interpretation out of you? I promise I’ll give you the secret handshake and tell you the secret password. (It’s ‘swordfish.’) Would it help if I told you I once drank Red Bull from Maya Angelou’s slipper and that I’ve gathered gossip about you that thus far I’ve chosen not to reveal? Help me out. -Scorpio Who Hates Secrets Unless I’m Keeping Them.” Dear Scorpio: I think the problem is that you’ve been keeping so many secrets for so long that you’ve come to assume that every situation is crammed with secrets. The truth is, this is a highly unsecretive time for you. You should proceed as if there’s no good reason to hide anything and as if everyone is willing to reveal themselves freely.

FreeWill Astrology

Actually, I got last week’s with no confusion. 😛 Wouldn’t say there’s so much of a secret behind everything, as much as there’s always a greater story. But I’m in an absolute gigglefit about “who hate secrets unless i’m keeping them.” That’s a good description of me, outside of the fact that I’ll remain open, only as much as those around me remain open. Especially in relationships, as I’m a huge communication junkie. Of course, that other phrase comes to mind as well…”Dance as if no one sees you”. 😀 I’m gonna have a great weekend. Leave tomorrow for Cali, I’m so psyched. And at least one of the friends I made last weekend will be there. Hoping the other one will be as well.

Scorpio for this week:

Your power animal is the Hawaiian fish known as the humuhumunukunukuapuaa. It has two spines, and that’ll be a good symbol for you in the coming days: You’ll need to have a powerful backbone as you weather challenges to your integrity and authority. The humuhumunukunukuapuaa is also able to wedge itself into tight spaces to seek temporary refuge from its adversaries. That has a metaphorical resemblance to a skill I hope you’ll cultivate. Finally, the humuhumunukunukuapuaa looks like a pig and makes pig-like grunts. You’ll benefit from having a similar ability to confound people about what kind of animal you are. Having multiple identities will keep you strong.

FreeWill Astrology

Heh, this kinda goes with the fact that my training partner made me growl at practice the other day, and I met a cool new guy that talked with me over this stuff tonight at dinner…..ponderous man, really ponderous.

At any rate, I’m dead tired.

Go House Reps on Capitol Hill! Normally, I hate you all, but you finally did something right….

Repub’s push to commend cops… (and no, I don’t care if it’s being pushed by Republicans, and if Democrats were smart, they’d get behind it too).

Now, as for McKinney, ditch the race card because the last shooting in a fed building was a white guy, and you’re not white by any stretch of the imagination. These people don’t get paid to recognize you, they get paid to keep you safe. If you want to leave a lasting impression on each of them so they remember your face….try being nice to them because I’m sure they’re used to people being rude to them every day, which makes you a face in the crowd.

At any rate, I’m glad you’re not my Rep anymore because you don’t represent your constituents, who might be primarily black. But at the end of the day, we’re all people and you need to represent the people, not yourself.

With that said, I hope the Black Caucus steps away from her for this, as well.

This is gonna be an interesting ride…..Today, I start my preps for my vacation this week and the one that starts next week. My Bitch fights Thursday, but it won’t be televised…again. (fuckers). But I do get to hang with my friends that I don’t get to see much. Work-wise, the business officially changed hands yesterday. Not really going to see any changes till May, so we’ll see how things improve – or don’t.

I’m mulling over competing in May’s NAGA competition, but it really depends on whether or not I get decent mat time in Cali. I feel something ready to burst out of me, but I’m not sure what it is, yet. The goal, for Cali, is to spend time with ET and to spend time with myself and my Bitch, and the new friends I’ve made over the last month. I’m hoping to work on developing some new habits while I’m out there, as well. I’d like to see myself start my mornings with Yoga, except on kickboxing days. I’ve already started meditating while I’m at work, during my breaks, and I’ve found that’s helping me out a good bit. I’m also making new friends with my teammates, which will be nice when it comes to sharing my fighting excitement, plus it’s more people to go to fights with. It’s also nice to help them train for NAGA, I’m taking the day off so I can be there with them, regardless whether I compete or not.

As to the TiVo, well, we have an early version and it’s been overheating, corrupting files, and overloaded with stupid messages and shit. I was trying to download my fights to tape, so I could make room for other stuff. Well, my fight files were corrupted, and one that I’m trying to download in pieces has a spot that hangs the TiVo so much that it crashes. As a result, I’ve been downloading in pieces for all of them. Once the files start to show fragging, I stop and let it cool off. So far it’s worked. I have one of the files completely downloaded, and working on another one. Hopefully, I’ll have three down by this evening and cleared off the harddrive.