In all the years that I’ve participated in male dominated sports, or on all-male teams, this is the first time that I almost had to leave the mat in tears. I have no idea how I managed to keep it together, outside of the fact I’d have to ask permission to leave, and explain why. There was no fucking way I was going to say “I need to leave because I’m about to cry.” I don’t know how I got through the last three partners either. Though, my last two, I actually started getting a bit more aggressive and going for stuff, which helped a bit.
BUT GODFUCK! Guys, I don’t give a flying rat’s ass if you don’t want a girl in the gym. If that’s the case, either go to class at a different time, or suck it up because she’s not going to leave to assist your fucking ego the size of a peanut shard. You earn yourself no points by strong-arming us, and you don’t help us learn anything. As much as I enjoy the knowledge that I can now make it through a class like this, and survive the set-up. I’m pissed about the fact that I learned jack-shit to nothing, if it weren’t for two of my parnters seeing my weaknesses and asking me if I wanted to work them while I was with them. One even taught me a few new moves. Seriously, if anything I took away from this experience at this point, I’ve taken greater appreciation for my teammates, my training partner and my instructor. Because they fucking rock my socks. They don’t look at me and go “You want me to roll with a girl?” They see it as a good opportunity to work their technique and work with someone who’s more flexible, smaller, and more likely to get out of subs they can slap on a larger person with no problem. The best roll I had this entire week, was with a pro-level fighter, because he wanted to roll. He didn’t want guys being a blanket, he just wanted to roll and it was all technique. I mean, I suffered through each workout, pushing myself, knowing that the next workout would be easier. Today I made it through a 1.5 hour class with only 2 breaks for water. I did full conditioning and sucked it up and kept going on the rolls. I learned nothing outside of those two guys helping me out today, and I feel like I wasted my fucking time with it.