Month: September 2007

Scorpio for this week:

You will soon be dealing with a challenge you have faced before: how to synchronize your two major archetypes, the lover and the warrior. As always, it will be a daunting task. You will be asked to cultivate the tender, considerate instincts of the lover within you while simultaneously feeding the fiery discipline of your inner warrior. I know you can do it, Scorpio — even if it seems impossible from where you’re standing right now.

FreeWill Astrology

Heh, one of the main reasons why my dating life is non-existent. Dating distracts from training, which distracts from a happy Saille, not to mention the drama involved is overly ridiculous. Wouldn’t it be nice, to have a relationship where I could train with no distraction. We both exist, grow with each other and enjoy each other’s company without the distracting conflict (no conflict is boring though, just don’t want the crap that’s distracting).

Anyway, on to the actual topic of the horrorscope…having done this before, and analyzed it over and over in my head, the duality of myself is one that I absolutely adore. Particularly this one. I’ve never understood those who claim “I’m a lover, not a fighter” because they aren’t mutually exclusive of each other. If you love something, you fight for it, whether it be in maintaining a delicate balance that allows the love to grow and be nurtured, or passionately taking up a cause deemed worthy of promoting. The downside, is the blindness that can occur within that passion, failure to see the negatives and appreciate them as much as the positives. Kind of a a twisted version of failing to see the trees for the forest, instead of the opposite way around. I consider myself both, and love exploring the topic of love, ecstacy, passion and enticement. Like war, love is as much as a chess game, putting the pieces in a position where they can naturally fall into place, biding time for that perfect moment where everything will line up and the plan either succeeds or fails. The ability to navigate the unseen and unaccounted for situations, and use them to the benefit of oneself, instead of allowing them to be a detriment.

So yes, TSA is full of dumbasses, even at the top. The background story….On my way back from Dallas, an “agent” fumbled a search of my geekbag looking for my 2in multi-tool. This thing went with me to Amsterdam, Norway, Finland and Denmark; California (twice, once during the latest terrorist threat lockdown), and the outbound trip to Dallas. So a couple of days ago, I complained, after looking at the TSA website and finding that there was no mention of multi-tools, plus everything on mine was under the regulations.

This is what I get back

Scorpio for this week:

Of all the signs in the zodiac, you routinely enjoy the most interesting problems. No one else can compete with your talent for dreaming up original sins, either. I expect that in the coming weeks, you’ll once again assert your mastery in these two areas, leaving the rest of us muttering in amazed awe as we behold the beautiful, stinking, useful, hellacious, intriguing messes you stir up. Congratulations in advance for the resourcefulness and courage I know you will summon from the abyss of your subconscious mind.

FreeWill Astrology

Well, crap. I’m quite familiar with the trouble I can stir up, and at this point, I’m trying to avoid doing that. The problems I create for myself end up more of a headache, than the beauty that can be created by those problems can overshadow. I sent this to my ET, who sees it as a positive thing, mainly in that PPUSA starts on the 3rd, which is a month before my hatch day, as two of my favourite boys are going to be there. The fun part, is that I love to torment one, and he loves the attention (he mutters a lot about it too, I think it’s more that he loves the attention but at the same time it’s quite a burn to the point he calls me a tease). Though, that probably has something to do with all the original sins too, as we’re very good at one-upping the other. I had sat and thought about the damage we could do, and for a while, I was devoted to making sure that didn’t happen because it would be a crash and burn of epic proportions. But in sitting there, I also decided that the journey would be damned fun, too. So, needless to say, I dreamed up some fun stuff for that weekend, which also maintains my weak-willed attempts at maintaining my celibacy. He’ll hate it, as he doesn’t know what the end is, much less when he’ll see the light from the tunnel. *eg*

As for the other, well, the plans are for fun and quality friendship time, least, as much as can be provided during the fest, given my work schedule for this year. I’m very much looking forward to seeing him again.

Oh yeah, and my Bitch has been more communicative of late. He called last night, and in talking about some of his needs, I suggested a change of scenery for a year. To which, after a few minutes he said, “I see, you just want me to move to Georgia. I get it, you’re being sneaky like that!” Which, while not wholly true, was damned funny. I do miss him though, and didn’t get the chance to see him while I was in LA. The plan is for him to compete NOGI worlds, so we joke about cleaning up in our divisions. Least I’ll get to see him again, and finally introduce my ET to him. Ohhhhhhhh the fun we shall have!

And just an off-note: I’ve got fall cleaning fever again. Gotta love the Morrigan, nothing like living to the beat of a completely different pipe.

You could see it coming a mile away. First, there was the policeman blocking the way of the person in front of me, and taking forever to explain the other entrance to the parking lot. Then, it was the Delta Kiosk saying it couldn’t find my itinerary. Then it was me waiting in line, till 1.5 minutes after the 45 minute mark (which Delta’s site still doesn’t list clearly), that resulted in me having to throw out the brand new bottle of sauce my Scotsman got for my Gram – in order for me to make it to my flight (because they refused to check my bag, which is better than Frontier refusing to let me on my plane). And after that, 3 gate changes, with the last one sending me back to the original gate. Which, in all honesty made me lucky that I had to carry on my bag. So, I’m an hour late, but safe at my parents house. It’s interesting, as this whole area flooded in the last couple of months. And I have to say, City governments in North Texas suck and need to be shot. Cheers!

Sometimes, I just want to dump all my stuff. Just go through, figure out what I really need, and ditch the rest (books not included). When I look into my future self, I see simplicity. A nice cozy space, maybe 3 rooms, excluding the kitchen. I don’t know. I just look at all the crap I have, and realize it just piles up over an over. I have a huge pile of things that need to be shredded, only the shredder died and is on the pile of electronics that don’t work. I have two nice art deco lamps that just sit there, I don’t even think I have them plugged in anymore. The third one of them, now sits in the pile of electronics that don’t work, thanks to two cats who are determined to break every fragile thing I own (and most of my Scotsman’s as well).

Maybe this is going back to that scope, about emptying. I have an elevation upcoming, in recognizing a plateau on my spiritual path. The way I’ve always viewed these, is that I die, and am reborn. Maybe in this rebirth, it involves throwing out a lot of old stuff. Quite a bit of it, is from when I was with David. Maybe it’s time to fully release that energy and get it out of my life. I’ve never considered that the things I owned while with him, would wind up with so much of his energy on them. But I really think that is the case.

Maybe I’ll also see if my Scotsman would be willing to change personal space with me, so he can have the larger front room for the war room, and I can have the smaller den. That would put both of us with our bathrooms, bedrooms and personal rooms all in one line, ending at the kitchen.

Or maybe this is the Raven talking, in that it’s getting winter, so it’s time to pare down, get cozy and live out the winter in hibernation. It’s a thought. But I think the end to my last Chapter is complete, and it’s time to create the introduction to the next. Though, quite possibly, that has what I have been doing, and now is the time for the new Chapter to move into full swing. Will have to speak to my Scotsman on this, and get his ideas.

Scorpio for this week:

The experiment I’m proposing is something you should try only if you’re feeling adventurous. Don’t do it if you’re in a timid or self-pitying mood. Here it is. Empty yourself out completely, and do it gladly. With impish daring, lower your expectations all the way down to zero. Surrender every remnant of hope you might be tempted to cling to. With a jaunty nonchalance, pretend you have nothing to lose. And then open an enormous welcome in your heart for the messy, unpredictable sweetness of life exactly as it is. Say yes to the beauty of ambiguity and paradox. Free yourself to accept every person and every situation on its own terms. If you try what I’ve suggested, I bet you will be united with a potent blessing you didn’t even know you needed.

FreeWill Astrology

Ya know, this honestly sounds like a great idea. I was thinking about this today, at the gym, and realized that it’s probably the only way I’ll be able to continue with some of the people in my life – who I can’t get rid of – as well as offer others who’ve been needing a second chance, a means to have one. I think I might start this, this weekend, while I’m visiting the family….

Which, BTW, just to clear this up, I am not leaving Atlanta any time soon. Yes, my Scotsman and I have been having some communication failures of late, which can easily be resolved with some quality time. And so far, that has been working. Yes, I love Denmark. Yes, I’m planning on moving there, but probably not for another 10 years or so.

I guess I should update from time to time…..though, I did get the bug up my ass to try and fix the main journal page, but still working on that, so it’s still gonna look a bit fubar (but apparently online in Firefox, go fig). At any rate, there’s not too much to update everyone with. The musings in my head have been slow, so I can’t really entertain you all with those for the moment. I could post some long diatribe about today being the anniversary of 9/11, but that would just get me all pissed off to see where we are now, in comparison to where we were then, as a nation.

I will say, that one comment on ALa’s blog, in regards to her post on Britney Spear’s, kinda irked me. Mainly, because the woman didn’t couch her commentary in regards to women who will starve themselves to being a bag of bones for the purpose of attracting men. She just said that she thinks guys prefer curves to flat-chested women who look like boys (paraphrased). Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about women being healthy, being at a healthy weight and being happy with who they are and how they look. I’ve spent the majority of my life being teased (and even called Twiggy) due to my “lack of obvious progression through puberty.” I’m thin. My optimal weight is between 120 and 125lbs, my body reacts to workouts in a snap. The more I workout, the more fat I drop and the more lean muscle I gain. It’s just the way it works, naturally. I’ve always been small-chested and it’s never bothered me, outside of the crap I’ve had to take from women. The guys never had a problem with it, least as far as my past bf’s would attest to, except for one, but he’s not counted. There was an awesome essay in this months Skirt! rag, about the subject, and if you’re in Atlanta, I highly suggest you snag this month’s, but ignore all the plastic surgery ads (which is its only downfall, in my opinion). I seriously question, sometimes, as to whether women place more of a value on the amount of tits another woman has, than men do. I mean, as much as I can’t stand Hilary Clinton, the number of people crying foul at her show of clevage annoyed me. They pick her apart, for the most part, in regards to her wardrobe, as opposed to her political positions. Britney Spears got raked over the coals for her performance at the VMAs, not because her performance sucked (which was a minor note in every article about it I read), but because she looked fat. Funny, every picture I’ve seen so far, of that performance, she looks damned good, and looks a lot better than before she had kids. And several of the articles were quoting the opinions of women. I only read one comment from a man.

At any rate, what is it about women? According to the vocal opinions, it comes down to being too fat, too thin, too ugly, too much clevage, not enough…Are we so obsessed with what we see as our own imperfections, that we have to lambast all other women for theirs? Or can we finally hit a place, where we can accept our own bodies, as imperfect as they are, and be happy to let others be happy with their own?

Scorpio for this week:

It’s an excellent time to clearly and precisely define what heaven on earth would look like for you. So study the following mission statement, written by my reader Darla Fremos, then compose your own. “In my perfect world,” says Darla, “I’d spend the mornings lying in long grass filled with fragrant flowers at the edge of a lake high on a hill above a sleepy town. I’d read books that tickled my soul, eat snacks that satisfied my wildest hunger, and use my eyes to make love with clouds, hummingbirds, breezes, and other temporary allies. After a noon siesta, I’d take a leisurely walk along a birch-lined road to my command center, where I’d join my team of associates as we spent the next eight hours managing my global network of activists working to end poverty and hunger.”

FreeWill Astrology

Heh, I know what it looks like, spent 3 weeks there this summer. But, ohhhhhh, to know what it would feel like to be at my camping spot in Kvinesdal, with no mud from the rains and the sun shining down every day. Or maybe a day’s rain, so the mountain rise would give birth to its water fall in the afternoon, and fade into a slight trickle at night. Or have it warm enough to go bathe in the river that flowed past our spot, and mingle more intimately with the Gods of the North Lands. Mmmmmmmmm. Now that would be absolute heaven.

Ever have one of those days, where you know, no matter what, it just won’t be good enough? Maybe I should move to Denmark before I retire. It really is looking much, much better as days go by.

Oh well, guess I’ll need to suck it up and possibly get one of those shitty spa jobs where they overwork me till I burn out and need to find another job that doesn’t involve massage. Gotta save to get back out on my own, gonna put a dent in the travel plans, but oh well. My sanity is worth more than travel.

I remember, as a child, being out on our hill in the middle of winter. Being able to look up and seeing nothing but this vast darkness, speckled by wavering lights. Sometimes, my brother and I would have to throw a stone, to knock out the one light that blocked our view. But thankfully, our aim was more abundant and accurate than my father’s desire to replace the light. The scent was amazing, just this crispness in the air, yet somehow warm, as we laid out on our sleds, panting from running around or holding on for dear life, as the snowmobile pulled and threw us around. There was something that just made things more alive back then, even in the dead of a Central Illinois winter. A sense that you would never see in the middle of summer, even among the honeysuckle and dandelions. Something that even my brother’s sunflower crops couldn’t provide us with, no matter how sun vibrant they were, or the smell of sweet corn from my section of the flower beds. An innocence, that we spend lifetimes trying to grow past, only to seek to regain it as adults.