I guess this is what I get for drinking my evening sherry 5 hours ago. Hell, I think it was more the fact that I had to deal with the chat bullshit that I had to deal with. Fucking admins. At any rate, I’m feeling better. My tummy still isn’t over dinner, which might also be contributing to my wakefulness. I’m considering a trip to the mountains tomorrow, after my chiro appointment, and sleep up there. Mountain air is always good for clearing one’s head. I also believe some shielding work is going to be in order. As much as I hate shielding, I’m finding that it is more and more a requirement. I seem to be in a vulnerable energetic state, which is throwing my emotions out of whack. Which is something I seriously hate. I can barely deal with emotions as it is, when they’re stable, but this up-down thing has got to stop. I mean, I grasp that it’s been a while since I’ve had a low day, and I’m crashing right now. But damned, can we stop the loop-to-loops on the way down?
I’ve had a few people from my other journal, worried that I might do something to myself. So I’d like to put that thought to bed. I got over the *handforeheadstapleswoon* goth stage back when I was 15. Not to mention, that I just had bad timing for killing myself, I always got caught and just ended up in a hospital. Not that the hospitals weren’t fun, but they did get pretty boring when I had other things to do with my summers.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in my room, juiced up the energy, ran a couple of spells through the air and sealed it off. It’s my safe zone, but unfortunately it’s hot now, which is probably not helping me with my insomnia. I have the cats here with me, as they seem to want to play protect lara when I’m down. It’s nice, but damn, I’d like some room on my bed, it’s small enough as it is.
I need to write some more erotica. I have some wonderful ideas to work with, maybe a new poem or two. I have some great stuff I need to add to my other journal, that I wrote out the other day at work. I guess this is the tormented artist within me. The one I love to hate. I get my best work out of her, but godfuck it sucks to be here. Maybe I’ll stay awake all night, and see what hallucinations I can have. That would be cool, I always found the sleep dep ones to be the best, especially if I was jacked up on a pot of espresso coffee, sitting in my room and seeing what jumped out of the shadows. It works really well against my stained glass window, because the light that’s on the outside, just above, sends interesting rays through it when the wind is blowing and knocking the tree branches around. Not to mention, the pattern itself lends for some interesting sights. Especially when your eyes can’t focus fast enough, and you’re jumping from spot to spot in my room. The dragonfly has some fun stuff….
Speaking of dragonflies. That seems to be the magic that’s around me right now. Every time I get into my car and drive somewhere, I have a dragonfly that hangs with me for a little bit. He keeps dipping and dancing over my car hood, somehow keeping up with me. Quite amazing, will have to look up everything about them to find out what the meaning of this instance really is about. I seem to be getting that with blackbirds too. Today there were 3 large crows in my neighbors yard. Just strutting around. Least, I think they were crows, too big to be grackles, but I don’t know which species of blackbird lives around here. They definitely looked like crows, but I couldn’t get close enough to see their beaks. Will have to look that one up too.
I’ve been slacking on my studies, but at the same time I haven’t been. I’ve become more aware of the different signs around me and becoming more in tune with things. That’s one of my problems right now. I’ve been way to empathic for my own good. Too in tune with some people in my life right now, which adds to the waves. Just filled up my alter to Mannannan, he seems to like that a good bit.
Bought Memoirs of a Geisha today. Not badly done, though I was getting lost in how they skipped parts. But that’s ok, maybe I’ll watch it again tomorrow, without my laptop in front of me. Got the most recent Nickleback CD, should be a fun listen, least from what I’ve heard off of it thus far. Meant to get one of the CDs that the ETR suggested to me, but I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember which CD it was. So I walked down each aisle looking for it, but still didn’t see the CD case. Oh well, guess I’ll hit up another store and see if I can find it.
I miss my Zoomie. Been thinking about him lately, again. I hope he’s doing alright, and his journey quest is coming along as he planned. So much going on, and I seem stuck in this time-out-of-time. My friends say I need to get out more, but at the same time, I’m at a loss as to where to get out to. I have the party this weekend, to go to. And as much as I wish to go, it’s not really up my alley. I guess I’m weird of late in that regard. I’m prefering the isolated solitude of one-on-one interaction, voiceless if possible, to the social gatherings. Which made Thursday/Friday really weird. For some odd reason, I just wanted to talk. And I give much thanks to Thomas for providing such distraction. It was a good conversation on nothingness. Well, not quite nothingness, but mostly nothingness. I’m liking those. Kinda like my weekend of nothing but pleasurable peace. Seriously, never had so much fun in my life.
I guess I should wrap this up, as it’s probably long enough as it is. But stream of consciousness is what I need to be doing right now. Getting my head working right again.