yoga

Atlanta 0 – Freakchylde 1

The city dismissed my arrest this morning via something in latin meaning the documents (my documents and the city ordinance) prove I’m innocent. Was fun – not. Anyway, my lawyer gave me a copy of the email from the solicitor for the city saying she was dismissing and why. So the next time Moron with a badge shows up, I can point it out to him and save myself $2475.00.

That said, I’m reading the Upanishads, lots to ponder and a lot to meditate on. It’s awesome.

Fun stuff…

I signed up for the Yoga Journal 21 day challenge and started a team for my Yoga school. It’s been fun, as I’ve already set some personal goals for myself. The one that is easiest, so far, is the unplugging for at least an hour every day. The 2 cups of coffee is easier on work days than on workless days, right now I’m on cup 3, about to hit cup 4, but it’s all decaf. I would say that I’m going on week 2 of caffeine free, but I did have a cup of caffeinated tea on Friday afternoon. Didn’t do much to me, but I am liking being able to drink coffee all day without getting the jitters and sweats. It’s not on my list, but I do need to start getting out more. I’m planning on an afternoon at the mall, even though I won’t be buying anything.

I’m trying to be more social, and the universe knows exactly where to hit me to make sure I stay home. In class, we’ve joked about the universe putting adversity in front of us, to make us change regardless. Unfortunately, the universe has not realized that no gas money = no driving long distances to be social. I had everything set then Sprint decides to send a last minute text message saying “Your over due amount has to be paid by 12/4”. Which didn’t leave enough gas money. Sucks, because I had food all ready to go. 😦 At least I’ll be here for New Year’s, this year. Can’t wait to see everyone again, and next year I’m going to work on one-on-ones with friends for lunch or dinner.

I’m officially down to training weight. It makes me happy, and I’ve dropped on my body fat ratio, too. Reducing my stress level was a big factor in that (which goes along with the reduction in caffeine). It’s been wonderful for me and this last month I’ve pretty much been a lazy slob (well, not so much a slob, as I’ve been cleaning up the house, too) but I’ve definitely been lazy. Given what the rest of this year has been, I’m not beating up on myself, too much.

Also, I’m going to be in Dallas/Ft. Worth from the 22nd to the 30th, so if any locals want to meet up, let me know. Otherwise, gonna have fun with the family.

Woohoo!!

The internet at the office is up and running, figured out the networking panel so all I need now are more cables, and an extension cord. Makes me happy.

Today is gonna be pretty good. Just need to run a couple of errands this afternoon then off to yoga and a mentor meeting. I’d like to get my habits down so I can head to my Kundalini yogini’s new spot. Life is just so much better when I see her once a week. I’m ready to start getting the office a bit more organized. Looked at pictures of other therapist offices, so I think I’m going to go back to that. I feel like my work room is too “corporate”. So, pretty curtains, since they’re the easiest. 😀

My mentor group is next up for presentations on the throat chakra. We have several ideas on what all we want to do for it, but we’re going to sit down and be more concrete tonight. I’m excited!!!!

Moving in the right direction…

Today was awesome. I had a new client come in from one of my ad deals, she wanted a Thai session. I love that modality and I’m really sad that not a lot of people want it. But we talked most of the time and I was so in tune with what was going on, I was able to just move her into each position and was able to note when she was sinking into that place, where releases were going to happen. The best part, is she walked out balanced and you could see it in her physical stance. I LOVE IT! Also finished stitching up the turbo pup’s bed, that he destroyed yesterday. Not completely like new, but the stuffing won’t fall out of it anytime soon, unless he takes his claws to it again.

I’m also learning how the office is networked. Had the internet installed this week so I just need to go invest in some network cables to get the outlets to work – I hope. I love that this place came pre-networked. Now to just install all the wall heating units and the office is completely on its way!!!

Randomness…

This week has actually been pretty good. I’ve had plenty of downtime to reflect on this last weekend, and some of the issues that have come up. And interesting side effect is that my throat chakra is blocked again. OH YAY! So, not sure what else is in there, but I have plenty of time to self-reflect.

Wednesday, I picked up Sven – a classmate’s pug puppy. Been a useful disruption to the household and has been a source of amusement for all – even the cats. They’ve started coming out and being somewhat social, even though they’re standoffish. Lexus, Elan and Pneus have taken to coming into the bedroom to sniff around. Sven isn’t sure what to make of them, but he’s taking his licks pretty well. Even managed to annoy one of my neighbors yesterday at 9am. Bonus points!! I just hope it was the downstairs neighbor, whose puppy was overly whiny when she wasn’t home (but I mainly wish for the 10-3am conversations around the bong during summers when my doors were open, when I had 7am wake-up times).

For turkey day, I picked up some prepped chicken from WF, along with some taters and some really tasty decaf coffee (but will get to that later). Defrosted the croissant dough and went to work. I made myself a wonderful meal and am quite proud of it. Homemade mashed taters FTW! Now, decaf….wonderful taste, no jitters or sweats! I’m totally thrilled, now to just save up to buy a smidge at a time. Going to try out the WM decaf, too. I just wish that the Atlanta court system could have gotten its ass in order so that I could have gone home, instead. Oh well, working on Christmas, instead. 🙂

So, this afternoon and tomorrow for work, then off to see the Muppets with some classmates. Sunday, gonna restart the yoga program and take a super low day. Ease into it and finish off with a yoga class in the afternoon. I need to quit sitting on the bed. It’s driving me and my back nuts. But, I have stuff to do at the office now, and since I have internet, it’s even better!!

Released….

I had a release today on the way to work. I felt it coming a mile away, finally. I still have some more and had mini-ones this afternoon. That said…

I really hate you right now. I really, really do. You spent the whole time we were together trying to “teach” me to hold things in. You strangled me in a worse way than physically putting your hands around my throat. I couldn’t write anything here because I was too worried about what you would think, what you would assume and having to explain myself. You tried to make me into some weak woman, who had to depend on you – because you NEEDED to be needed. Then, the one time I really needed you. The one chance you really had to protect me. You ran away. You shut me out and left me on my own to take care of myself. You lied to me. You told me a flat face lied and you knew it was a lie. I trusted you with the deepest part of me and you ran away. There is nothing that can make up for that. And I really wish there was, because now I have to deal with the fallout within myself. The trust issues I have, with myself. I question my feelings, I fight with myself just to even feel something.

I was rebuilding myself from the previous physical restrictions. You knew this, you knew my history!

Because of that. You are an asshole. You are just like those other guys. But you know what? They’re better. They’re better because they’re up front about who and what they are. They don’t hide behind a mask or a costume. I told you once that hell is paved with good intentions, and I hope you wear your wool sweaters, because I do not want, or need, anything from you. Ever again.

I hate that I had to learn this lesson, twice. But at least I’m in a better place. I’m glad you kicked me out. I have the best life I could think of now. No lies, no hands on my throat, and no one using me as a project. Just the people who love me, and love everything about me. Including my faults.

Wandering down the rabbit hole….again….

This is mainly just to remind me to write about this. But I had an amazing experience with Rounding this weekend and have lots of introspection to write about. Unfortunately, it’s not all in verbalized forms yet.

The parts that are:
My daddy issues are not with my actual father. We have been repairing our relationship for quite some time, and given the point when my injuries occurred and flare-ups happen – it never happens with my father, just with males who have taken, or attempted to take, an over-whelming patriarchal position in my life.

I have not taken adequate time to mourn for those I’ve lost in my life. Doug, David F., Don, my Uncle – I’ve internalized much of my sadness because I never felt that I was in a safe place to cry over their passing. I honestly think that is the source of my lone tears that appear for no reason.

I am in the presence of some amazing people. Some I am just opening up to, and others who naturally knew me, I am lucky as hell right now and hope to keep it up.