I think I’m numb…

Maybe I'm just masking a lot of stuff at this point, doing my best to distract myself, I guess. I don't think I've actually sat down in a quiet space in a day or two. Haven't had time, been either busy, or….distracted. I'm still very sad, going through everything just to find snippets. Thinking of all fun and stupid stuff, like him dropping me on my ass as he piggy-backed me to my mailbox. He was horrified and I was laughing my ass off – literally. The time I was scared to death that I had made a bad impression when he finally introduced me to his parents, mainly because they made a huge turkey, and I couldn't eat enough of it – along with a few other issues that every insecure girl would worry about. The one that cracks me up the most, he wasn't even present for….when I finally landed a job at CNN, I set my browser to pull up his AOL profile, so I could have a picture of him with me at all time. Unfortunately, I forgot about that when I took my laptop into a presentation. In front of all the vendors, I pulled up my presentation and there was Thorn, in his black and white frowning greatness staring out from the abyss at them. On the big screen. Let's just say, that was learning moment. At which point I got a printed picture and hung it on my cork board next to my computer screen.

I should have tried to get out there more often. There was no reason for me not to head north at all, when I was out for competitions. We always talked about it.

At least we always have Ozzy, Pantera, and a black trench coat….Oh yeah, and the freaky guy with the forked tongue, literally. I think both of us got the shivers from that one.

I think he also set my fetish for Vikings, he very much was one, even though he'd never been over there. I hope he's sailing the fjords now, they're so beautiful and amazing. He would have felt completely at home there.

So, in my effort to give meaning to my life (yes, I’m having a day of questioning, it started last night while sitting in my window overlooking Copenhagen – got a wonderful shot of the view to post later). I’m putting a question to all my readers, LJ users and site visitors alike….

What do I mean to you? What aspect of myself provides something to you? Why do you enjoy reading what comes out of my head?

*For you non-LJers, you may post anonymously, but please sign your post so I know who it’s coming from.

To contextualize this, I’m in the process of evaluating where I am, and where I want to go. Unfortunately, I’m a bit lost, ATM, and feel highly detached from almost everyone around me, including the people I’m supposed to be closest to.

Things with traveling…

I had a dream come true…me, on a plane with a sea of army and marines, and a few air force guys thrown in. But they were all in the cabin division that wasn’t mine, how cruel is that?

With that said, don’t watch two sad movies consecutively, especially one that is Bridge to Teribithia (and yes, it was good, and yes, it kept to the book quite well). I still need to do the write up for that one. One of these days….

At any rate, I’m in Amsterdam now, waiting to find out what gate I’m flying out of. At which point, I find it and go to sleep. It’s 7AM here. Least the flight was uneventful.

EDIT: And I got the opportunity to be a fangirl. As I was sitting at the computer station, I see a guy walk by with an American Top Team bag, who looked oddly familiar. Then I see the Svenge sweatshirt and go, “Oh shit!” While jumping up from my space and tearing down the terminal. I catch up with him, tap him on the shoulder gently and say, “Hi, Mr [Jeff] Monson, I’m [Saille] and I train at GB Atlanta.” Now how cheesy is that? But I got a good conversation out of him. And true to form, I have neither pictures or autographs to confirm this. Go me!