I think I’m numb…

Maybe I'm just masking a lot of stuff at this point, doing my best to distract myself, I guess. I don't think I've actually sat down in a quiet space in a day or two. Haven't had time, been either busy, or….distracted. I'm still very sad, going through everything just to find snippets. Thinking of all fun and stupid stuff, like him dropping me on my ass as he piggy-backed me to my mailbox. He was horrified and I was laughing my ass off – literally. The time I was scared to death that I had made a bad impression when he finally introduced me to his parents, mainly because they made a huge turkey, and I couldn't eat enough of it – along with a few other issues that every insecure girl would worry about. The one that cracks me up the most, he wasn't even present for….when I finally landed a job at CNN, I set my browser to pull up his AOL profile, so I could have a picture of him with me at all time. Unfortunately, I forgot about that when I took my laptop into a presentation. In front of all the vendors, I pulled up my presentation and there was Thorn, in his black and white frowning greatness staring out from the abyss at them. On the big screen. Let's just say, that was learning moment. At which point I got a printed picture and hung it on my cork board next to my computer screen.

I should have tried to get out there more often. There was no reason for me not to head north at all, when I was out for competitions. We always talked about it.

At least we always have Ozzy, Pantera, and a black trench coat….Oh yeah, and the freaky guy with the forked tongue, literally. I think both of us got the shivers from that one.

I think he also set my fetish for Vikings, he very much was one, even though he'd never been over there. I hope he's sailing the fjords now, they're so beautiful and amazing. He would have felt completely at home there.

7 comments

  1. Try not to get hung up on the “should haves”. I’ve been doing a lot of that myself (“I should have called him more often” is the big one), but then I imagine him just giving me that smirk of his and it makes me feel a little better. ::hugs::

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  2. Those stories are great! thanks for giving me some much-needed laughs today.

    I’ve been numb/sad today. we could pretty much make up an emotional report, kinda like weather forecasting, with all of this grief.

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    1. You’re welcome. I have more, and will probably put more up here, as I remember them. Steve and I were going through things a bit ago, I’m starting to tag all the posts I still have comments on, from him. When he deleted his alter ego, those comments disappeared as well, which sucks.

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  3. lara, i’m so sorry to see you sad. i’m sorry for your loss. try not to have regrets; regrets are for the living, they do not apply to the dead. regret for the dead is just wasted energy. unfortunately, we who experience loss are only human and that all sounds good on paper and in thought but it doesn’t always work. believe me when i say that it will pass and it will get better. there are two lessons here; live your life (and i know you do) and never leave anything unsaid to those you love. life is short.

    alan

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