Month: July 2006

On July 4th, most people observe the day with fireworks, a parade, celebrating the Declaration of Independence, yadda, yadda, yadda. For me it’s a bit different. See, this day, for the past couple of years has been a no-go. Mainly, as my Scotsman hasn’t been much of one for fireworks, and you can’t see much of them for the trees around our house. So this year, I’ve decided to do something a bit different, granted, I’ll be taking pictures of the fireworks for my friends overseas. This year, is my celebration of my own Independence.

April 1, 2000. I left a highly abusive relationship because it was changing who I was, and I didn’t like it. I began the road to rediscovering the person who had been cast aside. At this point in time, I believe I’ve found her, and I’ve found her stronger and more resilient than she was back in 1997 when I kicked her out. She has been integrated back into who I am now and I am at peace with her. As a result, I have become comfortable with the paradox that I exist as…the dual gender, strong woman, warrior, healer, male protector, hearth keeper, hunter. Society, at one point told me, that as a female, I could only have one spouse. Society, at one point told me that to be complete, I must have a spouse and kids. Nature told me that I could not love just one person. Nature also told me that kids were not on the “gonna have” list. After rebelling against that, hating children for the fact I couldn’t have them, bouncing from person to person because I couldn’t be with just one. I have become comfortable with knowing that I can’t settle for just one thing. But what I can settle for, is being who I am, regardless what society has told me to be. So, for today, I’m declaring my independence, and celebrating it, from society’s rules. I will make allowances for social mannerisms, but will no longer take my cues on who I should be, and how I should act as an individual, from what society tells me. I will act fully, in accordance with how I see fit, and as the individual situations dictate. Because I can be the shoulder to cry on, and the heartless bitch who will dig a heart out with a spoon, all in the same moment.

Anyone else wish to join me?

Oh yeah, would like to send my thanks to everyone last night. Sorry I wasn’t a bit more sociable, but such is the nature of my job. Hopefully, next gathering I will have some time to decompress first.

So it’s July 4th weekend, and I finally get a 3 day weekend, but that’s only because I don’t work Mondays anymore. I have this entry in my head to celebrate Independence Day, which, while in the grand scheme of things it’s Independence from Britain. This entry is going to be about my own independence, something most people see, but don’t really know about. And I think it’s time that I come to grips with it as well.

With that said, this weekend I send my salutes to all my friends who are or have served, with special thoughts to my Whipping boy, who is suffering 100 deg. heat and freezing A/C with no sweatshirt. Gotta love him.