This past weekend, an amazing person, during one of our conversations told me I wasn’t a dominant personality. But, that I flocked to that personality. This is partially true. At one point, regardless how shy I was, I forced my way. It was all about me and no one else, others didn’t matter to me. As many of you here have read previous, I allowed myself to be broken because I thought I was in love with someone. What you see now, is the rebuild of me, from who I became. The reason I flock to people with dominant personalities, is not because it’s something I need, but because it’s something I am seeking to rebuild. They are people I wish to learn from, to rediscover that person within me, and bring her out again. I am not a needy person who needs someone else to do everything for me, I’m not helpless and I abhor when I’m feeling that I’m either being forced into that role or pushed in that direction.
In talking with benmech the other night, he was joking about sending me some Ibsen plays. The first thing into my head was that I was feeling like I was a part of The Doll House. Being seen as one character, when the internal character is completely different due to the ignorance of the other characters. It’s an interesting contrast for me, will probably go back and read that play again. And things will change.