My anger consumes me, ravaging me like a starved animal upon the bare bones of another’s conquest. It burns at me, pushing me forward to some destination that has only one end. I welcome the release, and I beg for it, yet at the same time, fear what it will make me when I am finished. I want to scream till my voice gives up, push my body till it collapses with exhaustion. Destroying everything and everyone in my path, washing myself with their blood smiling the psychotic grin of a warrior who loves the fresh kill.
First off, I would like to take this time to recognize all the Vets in my life, past or present, friend or phantom. You have my respect, and hats off to you.
Now onto the juicy stuff…
So yeah, I’ve been trying to get my head on straight this past week. Haven’t talked much about it, because it’s not really anyone else’s business, but know that my head is on straight and the cards will fall as they may. I’m at peace with my chosen direction and I accept any consequences of that choice. If I seem cold towards you, it’s not because I love or like you less, it’s the fact that a new chapter is opening in my life and I must begin writing it. That is my focus now. I understand that new chapters are being written elsewhere, and as the case may be, follow your heart and do what you need to do on your own path. Sometimes paths merge, sometimes they just cross, and sometimes they co-exist for a brief spot in time.
I can’t fully talk about what is in my head right now, even to those closest to me. This is for me, and me alone. It is not meant to hurt any of you, you are not being pushed away. Peace on your journey.
For those of you who haven’t heard my laughter, the fight the other day ended, not because I won (I lost), but because boy toy got popped in the nose by a shot that was going to the side of his face till he turned to look at me. He threw a piss fit and stormed out of the gym with the parting words, “You’re not good enough for Maxim”. How good is that? *giggles*
At any rate, I missed training yesterday because I was too sore, so I went in tonight to work with the instructor who was cornering us, to find out that the response from all my sparring partners was, “Please! Don’t hit me in the nose!” Followed by, “If you do, I’ll hit you back”. Which, of course, cracked me up, and had me saying, “Good, I prefer guys who’ll hit back.”
Congrats, boy toy, if you read this….you have become a joke in my gym, and gave me street cred. How nice is that? And you wonder why I laugh at you.