Month: October 2004

Scorpio for this week:

Your recent “experiment” reminds me of the Malaysian performance artist who locked herself in a glass box with 2,700 scorpions, hoping to remain there for 30 days. After being stung by the poisonous arachnids seven times, she almost left early. Ultimately, though, she toughed it out. I figure you are at a point in your own adventure where you’ve managed to survive the equivalent of five stings, Scorpio. But in my opinion you’ve already proved your point. I suggest you finish the “experiment” immediately.

Well, ending my experiment now will not succeed in creating the habits I wish to create. 😛

Today, I walked outside at work and smelled the frost in the air. It was sooooooo pleasant. Makes me miss Illinois, that distinct scent that says summer is over, fall is here, and winter is on the way. I really felt alive. It seems that I’m in this reverse pagan mode, of sorts. During winter, it is the feminine that reigns over death and darkness. I can feel Morrigan poking around and stirring things up. Thankfully, this year it is not anger and violence, it is much more pleasant and fertile (get the hint, doesn’t involve kids). I’ve been lying dormant for the last couple of years, not doing much of anything. I’m starting to feel the creative drive opening up, ideas starting to flow towards me, pushing me to actually experience life, instead of sitting on the sidelines and analyzing it. The ironic part, is how thrilled my therpist will be. He’s been bugging me about my masculine/feminine imbalance, since I started seeing him. Every time I go in, he wants to know what I’ve done that could be viewed as feminine (for my personality). My usual answer is, “Well, I’ve been wearing make-up.” Now, I’m getting a facial, starting to feel more creative in my arts and feeling the desire to pick up my brushes and paint a picture of words. Today, at my women’s group, we made poppets. I made something that looks like it came out of the Dark Crystal, I’ll post a picture of it tomorrow. I took a withered branch and made it into this nice little dancer with dead bugs (gotta have the bugs). Listening to my music, I’m feeling the urge to dance again, I never recall why I stopped dancing, outside of the lack in likable music, but I did. My mum thought I was crazy, but the dance had gone out of me. I’m feeling it again. I also feel the desire to clear out a corner of the front room and get a piano. Of all the things that I’ve always had to have, it’s a piano. Running my fingers through a piece by Beethovan, challenging my ability as a pianist was the most exhilarating part of my day. I could spend hours on just chords alone, fingers jumping up and down. My mum jokes about my typing skills, little does she know she’s the one that improved their dexterity by setting the kitchen timer for 60 minutes a day. I’m even feeling the desire to sing again, regardless how raspy my voice is now. The concept of people hearing me no longer scares me, even if I’m completely out of tune. I’m opening up again. It’s just an amazing feeling.

In other news, I must give thanks to having friends who feed my fetish, and a boss who’s gracious enough to let me have whichever weekend it is I need to partake in fine dining.

In other, other news….My last post was in regards to not chatting with my best friend, and one of the loves of my life. Out of everyone I know right now, he’s the one I’ve known the longest, and the most intimately. I owe quite a bit to him, for everything he’s given me, and I wish him luck in his own future. But as that evolves, he’s stuck in Georgia for a time. And I look forward to him being here. Outside of that, there’s nothing major between us that anyone has missed. My apologies for giving that impression. Grumbl lovin’ ain’t exactly what the common speech thinks it is. *wink*

In other, other, other news…My hot pink iPod mini is on its way!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! Makes me contemplate celebrating my birthday again….momentarily.

On a positive note, I have a client in the morning, at one of our new hotels. Means money!!!! And I get my hands on another body. So I’m going to be able to afford a nice day of pampering for mani/pedicures, a facial, and who knows what else. Yippee!!!! Gonna look goooooooood.

Today was a bitch. I enjoyed being busy at work, finally (gotta love the patriotic holidays like halloween, where all the anti-war mini-van driving soccer moms dress their kid up as GI Joe). But wait! Get swamped with a line out the wazoo, to the point I can’t radio for help, have the “head cashier” standing next to me talking to her friend on the phone, and doing nothing. When I can radio, she’s off to lunch. So I went in search of SL, let him in on this instance, and bang, suddenly she’s apologizing to me, saying I should have called. Yeah, my voice is still out on vacation, and she expects me to yell over a radio, lots of customers, a fan, and her conversation to help. No, she can get in trouble because she shouldn’t be getting personal calls at work. The rest of us don’t, except SL, but he’s the manager.

In other piss off’s…
Some fucktard on an e-list decides to define war as silly. Then another one decides to read a definition as, 1. Exhibiting a lack of wisdom or good sense”, and invites readers: “See synonyms at *foolish*.” Yeah, my friends are getting blown up playing a dumb-ass game of war. Just being silly boys, they are.

Funny though, this morning, I wake to hear that Blair put the fear of every war god possible into the government of Sudan. He made a promise, don’t get things under control, or we’ll do it for you, and you won’t exist as a government anymore. Ghost of a Flea info on the topic. Seems we’re starting to get more done than the UN has in its entire existance.

Anyway, back to my bitching…I’m not an advocate for war, I never will be, I know what lurks in the darker side of humanity and it’s not pretty. I spend most of my waking day there, hence why I’m normally pissed off. But war happens, it’s a sad bi-product of an inability to communicate, whether through flat-out inability, or unwillingness. Violence happens at the least common denominator of communication. For some people, it’s the first though, for others, it’s the last thought. Negotiation only works when both sides are willing to make consessions. When those consessions don’t happen, and something has to be done, a hand is forced. That’s why those that ultimately make the decisions, learn the art of war and war strategy. Not because it’s a silly game we like to play, but because there is a major price, and fucking around and acting like children results in worse than what we are seeing in our own country. We are not the only ones being attacked. Yeah, we’re the main target, but we’re starting to see other targets, Egypt, women and children in the streets of Iraq and Afghanistan, you name it, it’ll be a target soon. Why? Because someone is getting desparate and starting to strike out in any way possible. It’s ugly this, war, but it is not in any means silly, by any definition of the word.

So, nifty new friend of mine turned me onto a band. I like mucheth. Kinda edge-y/power/industrialish, enough for me to be able to jump around and act all “industrial”-like. Couple of songs that are definitely going on my gym playlist, and I want to see how it handles in the Element, which is the defining factor. All music must sound awesome in my car. If there is no hitting me in the core from my subwoofer, while sitting in the middle of the car, tis no good (yeah, I always love a good chest chakra thumping).

In other news, things are a bit weird. A connexion site I’ve been playing around on, has offerred some results. Interesting, kinda nervous about the potential of moving to face-to-face meetings, but so far nothing has been massively creepy. I still want to hear from at least one of the guys I emailed, but neither has been around. Oh well. One thing I have noticed, is that no one seems to grasp how firm I am on my age limits, or they don’t bother with them. I know the range that I’m comfortable in, as far as interests, what I desire in life, and maturity levels. Long ago, I learned the lesson on what happens when I try to stretch further than I’m capable of going. I test my boundaries, often, and when I’m ready to go a step beyond, I can. No problem there. I’m just too laid back sometimes, and I’m often very childish. I’ve got the maturity to realize where my limits are, and what boundaries can’t be crossed, and what my motivations for acting in a certain way, in a certain situation.

I guess I’m just over-analyzing. I do that a bit too, comes from writing too many Literary criticisms and being raised by scientists. Sometimes, I don’t let things just “be”. It’s a thing I’m working on, and have been working on, for quite a time. Making a bit of progress, and learning to let go. I need to start up my morning ritual again, it worked pretty well, just didn’t develop into a habit like I wanted.

And now I’m rambling.

Scorpio for this week:

This is a perfect time to brag about what you can’t do and don’t have. Why? Think of it as a way to neutralize any unsavory karma you may have accrued during outbreaks of excessive pride or hurtful arrogance in the past. As an example of how to proceed, I offer you the case of pop singer Enrique Iglesias. When asked by The Sun, a British newspaper, if he would consider being photographed nude for the cover of his future album, he said no. “I could actually have the smallest penis in the world,” he explained. With that as your inspiration, Scorpio, get out there and start boasting in reverse.

FreeWill Astrology

I’m sorry, but I have nothing to boast about in reverse. Well, except maybe the size of the room my ego fits in to. I’m gonna have to stretch for this one, seriously, because I’m pretty straight about what I have and have not. Of course, we all know the two facades I have, both, of which, are shown to the world.

And seriously, my ego isn’t that big, it’s just like a puffer fish. When it needs to, it inflates, then goes back to normal.

Sometimes, sitting back and enjoying is not enough. Sometimes, people think you don’t care. Nevermind the fact that the slightest breeze will send me to the ground, and the safest place is sitting down. It happens. It’s a fact of my life, because submitting to someone else, for pure enjoyment isn’t enough. I can’t allow myself to be moved and changed. Doing so just results in appeared apathy. But oddly enough, my mind is made up for me by someone else, not by me.

So be it.