Day: October 13, 2004

Today, I walked outside at work and smelled the frost in the air. It was sooooooo pleasant. Makes me miss Illinois, that distinct scent that says summer is over, fall is here, and winter is on the way. I really felt alive. It seems that I’m in this reverse pagan mode, of sorts. During winter, it is the feminine that reigns over death and darkness. I can feel Morrigan poking around and stirring things up. Thankfully, this year it is not anger and violence, it is much more pleasant and fertile (get the hint, doesn’t involve kids). I’ve been lying dormant for the last couple of years, not doing much of anything. I’m starting to feel the creative drive opening up, ideas starting to flow towards me, pushing me to actually experience life, instead of sitting on the sidelines and analyzing it. The ironic part, is how thrilled my therpist will be. He’s been bugging me about my masculine/feminine imbalance, since I started seeing him. Every time I go in, he wants to know what I’ve done that could be viewed as feminine (for my personality). My usual answer is, “Well, I’ve been wearing make-up.” Now, I’m getting a facial, starting to feel more creative in my arts and feeling the desire to pick up my brushes and paint a picture of words. Today, at my women’s group, we made poppets. I made something that looks like it came out of the Dark Crystal, I’ll post a picture of it tomorrow. I took a withered branch and made it into this nice little dancer with dead bugs (gotta have the bugs). Listening to my music, I’m feeling the urge to dance again, I never recall why I stopped dancing, outside of the lack in likable music, but I did. My mum thought I was crazy, but the dance had gone out of me. I’m feeling it again. I also feel the desire to clear out a corner of the front room and get a piano. Of all the things that I’ve always had to have, it’s a piano. Running my fingers through a piece by Beethovan, challenging my ability as a pianist was the most exhilarating part of my day. I could spend hours on just chords alone, fingers jumping up and down. My mum jokes about my typing skills, little does she know she’s the one that improved their dexterity by setting the kitchen timer for 60 minutes a day. I’m even feeling the desire to sing again, regardless how raspy my voice is now. The concept of people hearing me no longer scares me, even if I’m completely out of tune. I’m opening up again. It’s just an amazing feeling.

In other news, I must give thanks to having friends who feed my fetish, and a boss who’s gracious enough to let me have whichever weekend it is I need to partake in fine dining.

In other, other news….My last post was in regards to not chatting with my best friend, and one of the loves of my life. Out of everyone I know right now, he’s the one I’ve known the longest, and the most intimately. I owe quite a bit to him, for everything he’s given me, and I wish him luck in his own future. But as that evolves, he’s stuck in Georgia for a time. And I look forward to him being here. Outside of that, there’s nothing major between us that anyone has missed. My apologies for giving that impression. Grumbl lovin’ ain’t exactly what the common speech thinks it is. *wink*

In other, other, other news…My hot pink iPod mini is on its way!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! Makes me contemplate celebrating my birthday again….momentarily.