Sweetness, went and put last week’s tips and private clients cashflow into the bank, I now have $100 till I have enough to pay my federal taxes. Woooooooooohooooooooooooooo! And I have another investment idea I need to run by my brother. If I can get enough, gonna do some short-term CD investments to try and fund my move. 😀
Author: Saille
Yeah, so I’m now 30. Woohoooooo!!!!!!! I’m supposed to feel an impending doom, besides the fact my bank account is almost empty, right? Eh, I don’t, and that is alright. 🙂 Yesterday was nice, I skipped my tournament for a day with my Scotsman. That whole “sleeping in is wonderful” thing kept me from going. Sleep schedule has been totally fucked up…thank you daylight savings time. I woke up on time today, thanks to the lovely sun being where it was supposed to be, vs that whole darkness till 9 crap. Went to the _gothfather_‘s Guy Fawkes party, with a very rich and tasty German chocolate cake for me and the birthday boy. Purrrrrrrrr. I GOT moonbird TIME!!!!! Gods I miss that woman, need to give her more hugs this afternoon. Also was able to see many others I have missed, including alekto and justicefire. Met a few new folks, who I hope to see later today, as well.
And, hopefully, I’ll be able to hit up the bookstore this afternoon, maybe snag a couple of printer cartridges so I can print out my REI gift card. Would be lovely. 😀
Sorry, that there’s no huge revelations here today, though, I am at an odd peace, which is nice. 🙂
So, I’m back down to my minimum, and probably won’t afford to be able to compete tomorrow. This sucks. I haven’t received the last of my last paycheck, and this next one isn’t all that pretty either. 
I’ve sent off a request to a job offer, and we’ll see how that pans out, hopefully beneficial to both the Club and to me.
Spent a good bit talking to my ET about moving to Cali, and hopefully, that will result in the plans for staying in the LA area and not up in San Fran. I’m feeling a bit torn right now, as I’m excited about the possibilities, but depressed that I’m iffy on doing what I want for my b-day. On the positive side, I picked up 3 more clients today, even though I wanted to leave early. But that does give me extra money on this paycheck, so I take my benefits where they appear. Just wish I could get that last bit, unless it’s going to be on this paycheck. Which, if it is, problems solved. However, it also means no training next week.
I want to sleep. I’m too tired and I my body is saying “You’d better sleep!!!!”
Scorpio for this week:
A drunk dominatrix sidled up to me at a party and said, “Reverend, please absolve me of my sins.” I’m not officially a priest, but in the spirit of fun and games I replied, “Why, my dear? Have you seen the error of your ways?” She spread her arms wide as she bowed, hissing like a serpent through a toothy smile. “Not at all, Reverend,” she said. “I just want to clear the docket so I can go out and commit a slew of fresh, new sins with crazy abandon.” I sprinkled a few drops of her Heineken on her head and channeled William Blake: “You’ll never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough. The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. If the fool would persist in her folly she would become wise.” And now, Scorpio, I’m channeling the same blessing for you.
How does one know their boundaries, if one does not seek to cross them, from time to time? Much less, how would one know where the excesses lie, or what they consist of, if one has not seen them or experienced them? There are some things I know, like how much anger I never want to feel again. How much sorrow is too much….but two things that I would actually enjoy having too much of….I want to love to excess and feel an overwhelming amount of joy. Wouldn’t it be a trip to be drunk on those two, especially for no particular reason, at all.
Pronoia
I’m am really enjoying this book, as well as some of the suggestions. So, instead of just writing in the book, I’m also going to post some of the stuff here. 😀 One reason, is so it will be easier to differentiate the handwriting, as I hope to let others borrow the book and add their own ideas to it.
And, it’s sparking a few cool ideas that I hope to bring to fruition in the next year.
So, I broke down and found a copy of Pronoia: is the antidote for paranoia by Rob Brezsny. I haven’t managed to read much out of it, yet, but what I have skimmed through is awesome. He’s got some great quotables in there, and it’ll give me a decent amount of meditation fodder for a while.
The rage has subsided, and there’s still some residuals there, but it’s manageable. Today, the plan is to start on this journal from the beginning and edit tags. Go look through REI and make a list + prices of what I want, then head to the gym for some light training.
I also need to go and look at wood, since my Scotsman is going to let me assist him in making a meditation bench for me, as well as a computer desk for my bed.
The other night, I broke my nature girl that has hung on our front door, to assist in repairing the broken house, we’re going to put her back together, together.
Yesterday was good, it helped to get out, and the energy was very low key, so it was nice to be able to move as I wanted. Now, to just clean the house. 😀
Positive thoughts for the day:
In less than 6 months, I can take out a consolidation loan and pay off the Element.
Sometime, in this next year, I will start moving to San Fran (lookout MOONBATS!). My instructor will probably be out there first, but I said when he goes, I’ll start the process.
I am just dealing with residual anger, right now.
My Scotsman and I are a work in progress, and there’s actual progression.
I feel like being social right now.
I admit that I need help, and will be looking for a psychologist.
My journal has a new layout, doesn’t match the rest of the site, but it functions and I can edit it to match later.
Winning and Losing
I’m sitting here, going over and over in my head the words, “I can’t win this one, can I?” But that’s not exactly the question, given the current situation doesn’t involve the ability to win. If it does, then obviously I’ve lost already. The only problem is, I’m not the only one losing, I just seem to be the only one realizing it. One day, I will be gone, and the realization will hit, and then wonderment at when it actually happened. Well, I’m marking this day down, because today is the day I realized it. It’s been a process in coming, just didn’t expect this. I knew it, when I came home from Europe, that the process had begun. I had hoped that it was reversible, but those hopes were based on something that wasn’t meant to be. It’s sad to watch, because I’m the only one observing, just a passer-by, don’t mind me. Just seeing memories float through my consciousness.
Then again, we’re all just moments in time, that happen to intersect in the grander web that’s woven.
So, my ET and I were emailing, and one of our tangents involves why I’ve given up on relationships. One of the reasons, is because they’re just not worth it. Seriously. The other problem, is that I really just don’t like people. More specifically, and this seems to be magnified of late, inconsiderate people. I do what I can to stay out of people’s way, due to my own conditioning into feeling like I’m some kind of burden upon someone else. So I just prefer to entertain myself, in whichever way works for me. I have serious pet-peaves, mostly just little delicacies of consideration. But I’m finding, that more and more, the manners that I grew up with, are suddenly figments of imagination. Technology keeps us in touch with everyone, constantly, and most of us have no concept of the off button. It’s really sad, in a way, and says a lot about the isolation of us as people. I mean, I’m not really one to talk when it comes to socializing, as I prefer the written word much more to the spoken word (except in very narrow circumstances). But, at the same time, it leads me to want to isolate even more, since obviously the person in front of you, with whom you’re having a conversation, is no longer important, as much as the person who is calling, texting or IMing you. And people wonder why I’ve always been attached to my computer. I’d rather write out what’s in my head, than worry about whether or not what I’m speaking is even being heard.
Since I’m quite sure this bears repeating, and would probably explain to many of you why I rarely answer my cell phone…
Wireless Manners and Etiquette
With that said, don’t ask questions you’re going to walk out while in mid-answer, and not excuse yourself for calls that aren’t non-emergency/work related. It makes people feel like worthless tidbits, so don’t wonder when they react to you as such.
Freakchylde's 