I love BJJ, I am addicted to it, and every day that I am not in the gym a part of my just dies at the idea of not being there. Yeah, the obvious thing is to just show up, but that’s where the issue lies. I lack the passion. I don’t know if it’s from training burn-out, or drama burn-out. But the fact is, I’m not having fun when I drag my ass out of bed in the morning and consider whether or not I will leave for the gym.

The best times I’ve had, have been on the beach with my teammates, sparring with each other just to say we did it. One of my training partners attempting take-downs at the office I work in, or getting lost on the way to the other academy.

I could point fingers and make the claims of what I know is my real issue, but that would be pointless. Fact is, I find no joy at this gym, outside of the few training partners I have respect and appreciation for.

I had this same issue when I made the choice to retire from gymnastics, and this is a bit different. While I’m definitely going to take a hiatus from competitions for a while (despite my desire to compete at the European Nationals), I just need to find a place where I can rediscover the enjoyment of the sport, and it’s not with this family.

The last couple of years, for me, were draining, physically and emotionally. I’m in recovery mode, and in some ways I’m fully recovered, and in others I’m still healing.

Regardless, I’ll be contacting the instructors around my next few trips and seeing if I can fit their schedules to mine. That said, I wish I was in Denmark. The team there is awesome and I would love to spend more than one day training with them. I could easily regain my focus and maybe come back and rejoin the family. But as it stands…. *sigh* I miss my brothers. That is all I miss.

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