So about those pesky little things called emotions…..
Well, still trying to sort them all out. It seems I’ve stumbled into another hallway, with another door, and another burned out light. I’ve lit the candle and am starting to explore. See, months ago, I found I had this great friend, with whom, I share a lot in common. I fell for him in a way I totally did not expect, and is totally inconsistent with anything I’ve ever felt. The nice thing, is that he screwed my head back on straight, after the whole Brasilian fiasco, and from what he’s said, I provided the same for him.
Now, those close to me have had the opportunity to read all the gushing I have had to say about him, because he really is a wonderful person. But after discussions, and me pulling me crap, I feel a bit different. I want to say I’m bordering on absolute bliss, peace or whichever Sanskrit word is used to describe that point along the path of Kundalini, where the world just opens up. And, while there is absolute and pure love, there’s also pure acceptance of the days, and not even a glimpse to the future. This is odd for me, because this isn’t like the normal crush-love one would normally feel in these situations. It’s almost awe-inspiring to me, even to the point I really can’t put words to the swirling of emotions going on inside of me. I’ve been saying it borders on apathy, mainly because I really don’t care if anything further comes of our friendship. I am satisfied with what we have going for us, at the moment, and have no desire to push it where it doesn’t want to go.
However, I will say, that it has led me down some interesting stairwells within myself, and I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that I happened upon an individual that could point me in those directions, even if that wasn’t the expectation. It’s been something that’s I’ve needed, for quite some time, and I’m glad the universe saw fit to put things together, and that I’m paying well enough attention to realize it. If only I could discover the source of the lump in my throat. Not sure exactly what’s trying to come out, but I’m sure I’m on the right path to discovering it, and it’s another amazing ride. Hopefully, I will have enough of a mind to document the process here.