Day: October 16, 2007

Scorpio for this week:

“Dear Rob: Three and a half weeks ago, I had a dream that I was an archaeologist excavating hell. I took comfort in the fact that I was just a visitor, not a permanent resident, but my stay there was . . . well, hellish. Whenever I found an interesting artifact buried in the hot dirt, it would spontaneously ignite. I narrowly avoided getting burned again and again. Anyway, my actual waking life has pretty much felt like that ever since the dream. Yesterday, though, I felt the torment lifting. And then last night I dreamed of floating in a fireproof boat along an underground molten river of lava that eventually took me out to a green meadow under blue skies. Whew! -Sizzled Scorpio.” Dear Sizzled: Your journey parallels that of many of your fellow Scorpios. Welcome back from hell!

FreeWill Astrology

I can’t really say that I’ve felt like I’ve been in hell, although my insomnia has been a bit of a bitch lately. Sorting through my recent emotional growth has also been interesting, even though I’ve found it to be a roller coaster of awe-inspiring proportions. I think the one downside, has been trying to reconnect with those close to me. I feel that slipping away from me in ways that highly disturb me, but at the same time, this overwhelming freedom of a new beginning is creeping its way towards me.

For those I haven’t told (which is quite a few), my WT has decided to call our relationship quits, for some reason that eludes me, and which he won’t elaborate upon. It kinda pisses me off, because I see no reason for it, and he was trying to use my desire to see him grow in his life, as me pushing him away. Anyone who feels they need to throw family away for something like that, isn’t worth my time. And it sucks that it had to end this way, but I guess that’s just the way life goes. I’ve been making progress on my “clearing my conscience” post, that will occur on my b-day. So, I guess I should fill you all in on that…

I am coming to the close of another decade, and with that comes the shedding of more skin. In order to do that, I will be shedding my burdens. That is, all the grudges I’ve carried through my 20s. What this means, is that I will be posting an alphabetized list of people I hold grudges against, the grudge, and whether or not it is something I consider worthy of terminating a friendship over. Thankfully, at this point, there’s more positive than negative, least, from me. I understand that some of these might come as a surprise for you all who are on the list, and hopefully, for those of you, with whom I wish to start over, you will be willing to do so with me. Obviously, given whatever time needed to digest what I have to say. For those of you who wish to remove me from your life, I accept that choice and won’t hold it against you. There are just some things we cannot do, for whatever reasons are our own. At any rate, this will be posted on my birthday, so you have time to prep if, for any reason, you think you are on this list. There will be no commentary allowed, I will not discuss things, they will just be.

So about those pesky little things called emotions…..

Well, still trying to sort them all out. It seems I’ve stumbled into another hallway, with another door, and another burned out light. I’ve lit the candle and am starting to explore. See, months ago, I found I had this great friend, with whom, I share a lot in common. I fell for him in a way I totally did not expect, and is totally inconsistent with anything I’ve ever felt. The nice thing, is that he screwed my head back on straight, after the whole Brasilian fiasco, and from what he’s said, I provided the same for him.

Now, those close to me have had the opportunity to read all the gushing I have had to say about him, because he really is a wonderful person. But after discussions, and me pulling me crap, I feel a bit different. I want to say I’m bordering on absolute bliss, peace or whichever Sanskrit word is used to describe that point along the path of Kundalini, where the world just opens up. And, while there is absolute and pure love, there’s also pure acceptance of the days, and not even a glimpse to the future. This is odd for me, because this isn’t like the normal crush-love one would normally feel in these situations. It’s almost awe-inspiring to me, even to the point I really can’t put words to the swirling of emotions going on inside of me. I’ve been saying it borders on apathy, mainly because I really don’t care if anything further comes of our friendship. I am satisfied with what we have going for us, at the moment, and have no desire to push it where it doesn’t want to go.

However, I will say, that it has led me down some interesting stairwells within myself, and I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that I happened upon an individual that could point me in those directions, even if that wasn’t the expectation. It’s been something that’s I’ve needed, for quite some time, and I’m glad the universe saw fit to put things together, and that I’m paying well enough attention to realize it. If only I could discover the source of the lump in my throat. Not sure exactly what’s trying to come out, but I’m sure I’m on the right path to discovering it, and it’s another amazing ride. Hopefully, I will have enough of a mind to document the process here.