Scorpio for this week:
Most intelligent people realize that global warming is underway. This awakening is good, but I’m worried that it may be diverting attention from a more profound crisis: the Mass Extinction Event that’s killing off animal and plant species at a pace unmatched since the demise of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. While 87 percent of the population knows about global warming, less than five percent realize this bigger tragedy is unfolding. And that’s crazy. The prospect of there being future draughts, rising ocean levels, and savage weather is daunting, but the far more devastating fact is that Earth’s precious eco-diversity is dying now — not just from global warming, but from pollution and a host of other mischief caused by humans. Our species is killing off thousands of creatures and plants that have shared the planet with us for millennia. The precipitous loss of frogs and bees alone suggests that we should be staging regular rituals of grieving, with symbolic million-mourner funeral processions. And what does this have to do with your horoscope, I mean besides it being a call to expand your understanding of our planet’s environmental crisis? This: The scenario I’ve described is a metaphor for your personal life. What important issue might you be obsessing on in a way that blinds you to an even more all-encompassing issue? (P.S. For more information about the Mass Extinction Event, check out the website of my friend David Ulansey.)
Oh wow, he went off the deep end. Say it ain’t so! But, to the part not dealing with his metaphor, there are a couple of issues that I’m obsessing over. One is not so blinding, outside of the overwhelming amount of happiness it brings me, the other is not so happy and slightly blinding, because it was an immediate note that slapped me in the face when confronted with it. The obesession is finding a means to deal with it and make it an issue that is null and void.
With that said – I’m curious, why is it, that there’s only a small minority of guys who are capable of carrying on a purely platonic relationship with females? And even so, with the ones who are willing to recognize those relationships (which is greater than that small minority), why does it boil down with the need to slap them down till they get the idea that nothing, physical or deeply emotional will come from that friendship? I’m just not getting it. Anyone care to try and explain this?
Freakchylde's 
When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
That pretty much sums it up.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
I can accept that, I just wish “hands off till interest shown” was in the manual. It gets tiring, real fast.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
But sometimes going “hands on” is how we figure out that there is no interest. Unfortunately not everyone displays good signs, and sometimes people just misread signals.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
True. Though, is there some conditioning to whether or not a girl is playing hard to get? I’ve always considered myself fairly up-front, and won’t tell someone I’m interested in that I’m not, and tend to only say that if I’m really not interested. What I seem to get a lot, lately, is my “no” somehow translates into “try harder”. I really don’t get it.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
Oh! That’s no good. I hate how there are many many people who don’t understand that “no” should mean “no”.
I personally have always take “no” to mean “no,” but there have been times where I learned later that the “no” didn’t actually mean “no.” Very irritating. There does need to be a better way for girls to play “hard to get” without having to make “no” mean something else.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
Oh, very much agreed. There is a fine line to playing hard-to-get and I wish more girls would learn how to do it, vs playing mind games. It’s not about saying no, it’s about leaving the field open and giving enough to gain the chase. Maybe that is one of the problems. Some guys get so used to playing that, that the assumption becomes that every girl plays that way. Perhaps?
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
Oh definitely! Guys are generally “trained” on their dating etiquette rather quickly. Generally speaking, if it worked once, it should work again and again and again.
Also, there is an issue that is similar to spam. Often while in pursuit one failure isn’t that great so long as the overall average is decent. I know guys who use terrible pickup lines over and over again because they know it’ll work at least once out of twenty times, and that once is enough. And even if given a system that would up that average to one out of ten, they’ll only switch if the new system is easier than the old one.
I also wish that more girls would learn not to result to lame mind games. Just like I wish that more guys would stop using “carpet bombing” to pick up girls.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
Yeah, I’ve noticed that with my male friends. Though, I find that the successful ones tend to be the ones who are constantly trying something different, e.g. personalizing their pick-up lines with what the girl might be interested in. I can see using a standard one, if you’re trying to pick up a certain type of person, as those who aren’t of that type are willing to walk away when it’s used.
Mind games are only good when you already have someone and you’re trying to create the desire in their mind, so you can have more fun in bed later. It’s a useful courtesan trick, created to keep someone coming back for more. However, some women tend to use that for the purpose of cruelty – of course, I know a few guys that fall into that realm too.
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Re: When Harry Meet Sally… had it right.
the “try harder” guy probably should be avoided. any male who is so aggressive that they don’t take the hint, is probably not going to take no for an answer to any situation.
that being said, any person i befriend has to have something to offer. with women, there is always an underlying sexual current. i just know when that is not an option.
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Something to offer…
That’s pretty much how I see it, everyone has something that can be offered, whether they’re male or female. I’m not sure if that would be considered a “feminine” trait in the psychology of things, or what, or maybe it’s a cultural thing. Though, I’m curious as to why men have the underlying sexual current, given my only underlying current is whether or not someone is trying to get into my pants (but that is a conditioned response that I’m working on getting rid of, again). I know it’s a remnant of our basal animalistic tendencies, but at what point is the social conditioning trumped?
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Re: Something to offer…
“Though, I’m curious as to why men have the underlying sexual current”
heh. it occurs to me that each sex mirrors it’s microspheric reproductive component:
the egg is passive and waits for the right sperm, the sperm are all eager and going for it.
other than that, i don’t know. i honestly never meet any woman with whom i don’t consider sex. even those who are complete turn-offs. in such a case, i consider NOT having sex, but the awareness of sex is still there.
perhaps women feel the same thing but interpret it in terms not directly sexual, but in terms of secondary aspects of sex.
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Man Friends
I disagree that men and women can’t be friends. I have many woman friends.
I do think there needs to be some common interest. For example, I led seminars for years. I still stay in touch with many of the seminar participants who happen to be women. There are no sexual overtones at all. None.
I think if there were, Mrs Foxy would smell them out in a hurry.
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Re: Man Friends
Hey Foxy! That’s wonderful to hear, and I’m curious if that might be the result of being with your wife, or potentially the result of growth past the need for physical procreation or sexual attraction?
I ask this, mainly because I’m fairly comfy with my choice of pretty much being celibate, so when I approach friendships and other relations, it tends to first be the foundation of friendship.
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Re: Man Friends
well, when i am in a happy, fullfilled relationship (which hasn’t happened in a long time), the sex thing is much abated.
as i write, i’m thinking about this more. say i meet a woman for thje first time. my initial size-up is sexual attractiveness. no apologies, no attempts a petty rational to be PC; it’s the way i am.
if the woman makes it clear she is not interested, but is friendly, wants to actually BE friendly and share some friendly experiences, then i could do that, if she made an effort to do so, or made it clear that friendly overtures would not be rejected.
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.02
I don’t get men at all. That’s why I’m on a man-diet. Heh.
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I’m just on a low-man diet right now. Opposite sides of the country help (and no, not referencing the Brasilian). 😉
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