There’s a discussion going on a list I’m on, about soulmates. Some have tossed around the idea that it’s a means of keeping us fantastically glued to the “one overall true love” ideal. I disagree. I think it’s fantastic when two soulmates come together to walk a magical life as one unit, and I applaud and respect it. However, I don’t believe in one soulmate per person, as a soulmate is someone we readily connect with on the soul level, that feeling of knowing a person forever, even if it’s only a few minutes. Like all relationships, these relationships have to be nurtured to grow, even if you can separate for years, and come together like it was just yesterday when you last met. This also doesn’t mean said person is “the one”, because as those of us who’ve done this can attest to, sometimes it’s just next to impossible to live a life with a soulmate and it’s best to keep things at an intimate friend-level than an intimate lover-level.

Anyway, those are my passive thoughts for the day.

17 comments

    1. Agreed, it was on a mono-poly discussion list, and I was quite surprised to see most of the poly folk who responded deny the existence, and even link it to a “there can be only one” mentality.

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  1. Soul Mates

    I believe in Sould Mates. But I also believe that a person can have more than one, and that these people fulfill a certain aspect of the other’s life and vice versa. Some people are blessed with that “one person” who is their all around and everything, but some people are blessed with many who fulfill certain aspects of their life.. Like musicians, for example. They (may or may not have) their significant other who fulfills the romantic aspect of their life but may not be able to fulfill the music aspect of their life; that’s what their bandmates are for. Someone may have a good working relationship with their co-workers and get things done, but be awful at the social aspect and really just not like each other on a more personal level. Someone can be friends with a person their whole life and feel like they don’t really know the person. So with regards to soul mates, there are many variables. The only thing I can say about knowing who is and who is not a soul mate is how that person makes you feel about the world and about yourself, and if they bring something to your life that you otherwise would not have had the opportunity to experience. And sometimes love has nothing to do with it. Sometimes it does, and most people think that soul mates are “the one” and you are supposed to be with them forever. And sometimes that is the case, but most people hold on to little things they take as “signs” to try to determine the “correct course” of their life because of it. But what it really boils down to is what you are destined to give and recieve from each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

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      1. Different Types

        I find it sad that people get hung up on the idea of “the one” without entertaining the possiblity that is does not have to be romantic love at all. I have known many people with whom I have had a great harmonious relationship with where we got what we needed from each other. Many of them I don’t even know anymore. But we got what we needed at the time. And now we have memories. I think it is selfish to say one single person can be responsible for the course of your life. YOU are solely responsible for where you take yourself. Granted, I believe in fate and destiny and seeking out the people whom you should share your life with, but I believe in Free Will. We have to know which course is the one that is meant for us. But many people don’t open themselves to the fact that if you follow your own path, the people whom you are meant to be with will be there waiting. And granted, there are people who don’t get the concept of this and ultimately end up living for someone else’s dreams or just living in vain. The people who think soul mate is the ‘end all be all one and only’ are not opening up the rest of the world to influence. The people who instinctively know they are meant to be with their one true love and can distinguish between that and allowing others to fullfill the other parts of their life are the ones who are happy for the most part. Thet accept what their life is. Some people don’t want to embrace this and they are always “in search” but are missing out on what they do have because they think that “the one” is going to make everything perfect…… It is really unfortunate. But thankfully, I think more people are raising awareness that you should consider more possibilities in Life.

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      2. Re: Different Types

        Yeah, I never understood that stuff either. Everyone is in someone’s life for some reason or another, even if it’s “just because”. Life’s a journey, most of us don’t stay in the same place from day one, why should people? You can’t evolve if you stagnate.

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      3. Stagnation

        The whole concept of it, even. Until recently, many people stayed in their hometown hteir whole life. Hell, I didn’t really branch out until my Grandmother sold the house I grew up in. I had always been a big traveler, and I also was engaged to someone in the Military (my best friend from HS – I was literally the girl next door) so I was well traveled and well cultured. But even in that, I was infamiliar surroundings being with someone from my hometown. I grew up in the house that my Ma and Aunt grew up in. So even for me, to say that my 8 year relationship from someone whom I really belived was my soulmate was so convenient that I did not have to go even out of my own town to meet them is rather hoky. If you meet and marry your HS sweetheart, that sounds more like a proximity thing. I can’t say I have had many other relationships that fullfilling and that intense. In fact, I can really say that up until this last year or so, looking back, I feel like I am experienceing true love for the first time in my life. But that is not to say what I had with the boy next door was not important in my froth and life. We just moved on. That’s how it happens. Granted, now with the internet, we can meet someone from the other side of the world, from a different culture and a completely different life from ours, and fall madly in love with them and they may be the soul mate we have always been looking for. But that is just because it was easier to reach them outside of chance encounters. Man, I am a hopeless romantic. But I love love. I love being in love. I love being loved. And I love knowing that no matter what I do in my own Life I could find that happiness. Some people thrive on it. Some people thrive on their work. Everyone thrives on something.

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      4. Re: Stagnation

        Heh, I’m the same way, I live in a fantasy world that only exists in my head, but it makes me happy. I’m actually glad the internet made its way to the public (and my college was kind enough to provide a connection for me to become familiar with it) because that’s how I’ve met most of my IRL friends. Seriously, I’m an introvert, massively so, and it’s helped me a bit in that regard.

        And you didn’t have to correct yourself πŸ˜‰

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      5. Introvert

        I find that interesting that you consider yourself introverted, although it kind of does make sense. I live in my head a lot too, which is why I am a writer. I have not posted any stuff on here yet, but I have hundreds of poems and meditations and short stories, thousands of journals, etc.. that I just write. I have been doing it for as long as I can remember. I got my first journal in thrid grade, and I have literally written every day since (I am 29 now…). Sometimes my thoughts or my characters are the only things that makes sense to me. I was always kind of an awkward kid, and in all of my adult life I have just been quirky and can usually be found in the company of other offbeat people. So, I know what you mean about the fantasy world. It’s your sanctuary. Whether it be in your head or otherwise. It’s funny how the internet is pretty much responsible for social things, because if you think about it, the internet by nature and definition is in essence keeping people to themselves. It’s ironic that Human nature has found a way to use technology to continue interaction between people. People need people. Not even technology is going to change a human’s most basic needs.

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      6. Re: Introvert

        Nope, technology won’t change the need for face-to-face interaction, but it sure as hell makes meeting people a bit easier, least for me. Doesn’t change my “OMG, gotta hide” response when I meet people in person. Most of the people that I met face-to-face, down here, can attest to my shyness, as they slowly un-peeled my shell when I started going out to clubs (had to do it on my own). As for the prog crowd, well, only a couple of people know how shy I am, because they remember me from the first year I went, and one got me out of my shell before anyone else met me, so they don’t believe me either.

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      7. Re: Introvert

        Oh yeah, the introvert part is mainly not knowing how to interact with new people. I’ve got my definite quirks and they are off-putting to a lot of people. So usually I’m trying to size them up before I start letting people get to know me.

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