fighting

So last night, I headed out to the sister gym in Villa Rica, with my training partner. Holy hell am I sore today! A is back in a happy place (which makes me happy) and I’m finding my desire to train again. It was good, learned a couple of new Gi chokes from C, helped one of their white belt females a bit and gave a helpful smack to one of their male heavy weights on the concept of using strength (he spent too much time trying to yank on my elbow for an armbar). It was a good talk, he was very apologetic and I explained to him he needs to focus on the grip break, not the yanking of the arm – especially with people who are holding onto their arm for dear life because they see it breaking if they let go. 😀

Anyway, it was a good night and catching up with my old training partner. Miss him, wish I could make it up there earlier to train with him.

I need to reset my work boundaries, again, as I believe I have over-booked myself today. As much as I loved having the 3-day weekend, not having yesterday has made today a bit too hectic and I’m actually worried that I won’t make it everywhere I need to go, today, on-time and do the things I need to do. Thankfully, it means next week will be better spread out. At this point, I think I’m going to limit work to the doc’s office on Tuesdays, so I’m not driving there, driving to Buckhead, then driving back. Monday will be available for my office. This will not be cool for one of my clients, but I need to make sure that I don’t over-extend myself and find myself working all the time. Fastest means to burn out and hate my life. Not interested in doing that, again. Plus, I still need to get back into training mode, at least on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then again, I need to find a desire to train, I’m feeling less than thrilled with the idea of going to Jiu Jitsu, lately. Lack of decent training partners is one of the biggest things, heeps of disrespect by the main instructor is the other. And knowing that this whole thing is disappointing my Professor makes me feel ill and weighs me down.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

If you’re a left-winger, you may think right-wingers are stupid or evil or both. If you’re a right-winger, you probably hold the same attitudes about left-wingers. A similar pattern prevails between most other groups that hold opposing views. You’re a rare person if you’ve never looked at a certain group of people and thought to yourself, “They are all sick idiots.” But in the coming week, Scorpio, I’m asking you to find out what it’s like to dispense with judgments like that. In fact, try living without any scapegoats whatsoever. If even for an hour per day, visualize the possibility that those with whom you disagree might be sincere and well-meaning. I’m not suggesting this exercise merely because it’s a nice thing to do. It will also have the magical effect of giving you access to parts of your own intelligence that have been closed off to you.

FreeWill Astrology

Man, all of them???? Of course, he left out the folks like me, who are a bit outside of the left/right split and think they’re all stupid.

That said, I’m now 2 weeks out of training because I still can’t breathe. This sucks. I’m gonna go to class, because I’m tired of not being in the gym. I also need to create a check-list for what all I need to take care of, before I leave for Denmark. I just have to wait for this next paycheck, to pay for my car tags. Licensure I can take care of on Monday, since I’ll have all my CEUs done by then and will be able to verify, if I’m audited. Otherwise, today is a lazy day. One client tonight, thanks to therapists who don’t understand the concept of working FOR someone. *sigh*

So, I spent the majority of work (since I only had a few clients who were super spread out), watching the opening ceremonies and Judo.

1. I am amazed and sad at the fact that humans can put something so beautiful together, yet find a means to try and absolutely destroy each other at the same time. Makes me think that humankind will be better off without formalized governments. I love Chinese culture and its history, but knowing that the artistic beauty of last night came at the sacrifice of all the people who have been made homeless by the Chinese government, makes the enjoyment of it quite bittersweet. And detracts from the idea of the games.

2. I found it overly disturbing that Bush and Putin were sitting and chatting, while Russia was planning and executing an invasion of Georgia.

3. I should have been paying attention to Judo for the last 3 years that I’ve been training Jiu Jitsu. But the Cuban coach is around 400lbs, and I can’t fathom how he got that way, and managed to coach a gold medalist.

PS- NBC sucks ass. Sure, make the smaller events available for us cable liberated folks, but reserve the main events for the fucking TV, at ungodly hours that only folks with TiVo can manage. You fucking suck, and you suck for not making it readable for TiVo (I looked Thursday night).

PPS- My friend Marcie is making her olympic debut in wrestling. Go watch her next week.

Scorpio (December 23-November 21)

Don’t just shamble down to the pizzeria and gobble a slab of greasy cheese, tomato sauce, and dough. Instead, arrange for an interesting person who likes you to home-deliver a pizza lovingly prepared by a gourmet chef. For that matter, Scorpio, don’t tolerate mediocrity or the lowest common denominator in any area of your life. The Season of the Peak Experience is here — a time when you have a sacred duty to give your best, commune with the highest, and ask for excellence.

So, who wants to be a gourmet chef and deliver a pizza to my house? 😀 Just kidding. But he’s right. Lughnasadh is Thursday and Lugh was a god full of mastery, fermented by his foster mother Tailtiu (I think she rocks, even if she is a Formorian, so I can forgive her that trespass). The backslide, is that training is going too well. I can close my hand to a loose fist, with all fingers touching my palm. Still hurts, still can’t grip and everyone keeps giving me a Gi choke on my bad hand side. Grrrrrrrrr. Yesterday’s advance positioning killed the elbow, and today is upper body with Shelby. :/ I will say, I will have a hot bikini body come winter.

That said, I’m sore from training, my body wants to give out – but somehow wants to wake up at 6.45. Got other stuff in my head, but that will come later.

In the world of fighting…

I broke down today and left the mat without permission. I cracked miserably, mainly, as normal, from all the crap that is going on around me, but also because I’m getting frustrated because I don’t feel I’m getting anything out of my training. As I decided to suck it up, wipe my eyes and head back in, my instructor walked out the door and asked me what was wrong. I broke down in tears. I think that’s the first time he’s ever seen me cry, even with the weak smile from him mimicking me – in the stance my family refers to as “mmmmmmmmad”. We had a long talk about what was lacking in my game, and how we need to work on creating one that is made up of all the moves that work best for me. He also made a point of telling me about everything I was doing right, and how he’s watched lower belts beating the crap out of Kyria Gracie and the current world champion Ana-Laura (both well earned black belts on our team). He commended me for showing up to work technique, through all my injuries, and the fact that I’m not as schitzo on the mat as I used to be. I know what he’s saying, but I’m still frustrated with it all. I know I have good defense, I just get tired of constantly being on the bottom with bigger people. I’m tired of staying in one place, and it pisses me off and puts me in the mindset that gets me injured.

I’m ohhhhhhh soooooooo goth. :/

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

In ancient Egypt, wealthy people adorned their pet crocodiles with gold bracelets, amulets, and other jewelry. Let’s use that as a metaphor for you in the coming week. What is the most beastly and dangerous part of your psyche, and how might you beautify it? What steps could you take to civilize or ennoble your reptilian brain? Are there any ways you could make the crocodilian aspect of yourself look less scary and more inviting?

FreeWill Astrology

Oh, my dear Mr. Brehzny, you are behind….again. I say this, because yesterday I started dancing while fighting, the Scorpion has learned to take her art to the Castle Ball. I jumped, spun, pirouette(d) around my training partner and led her into every step that she was supposed to make. I made a Capioera master smile….before he choked me out. It was beautiful.

For those of you who read my Scotsman’s journal, you know that yesterday, a law allowing those with a GFL/CCW can now carry in restaurants and on MARTA went into effect (his post with linkage and background info on the law. While I know there are some on this list who are deadset against guns, and more than likely it means friendships will be set aside as a result (though, for the few who I know don’t like them in their house, I retain that respect for your personal/sacred space), I’ll be getting my sidearm here shortly.

Why? Well, as much as I am a completely badass ass kicker, my training – as well as several of my training partners – has also allowed me the reality, that even with that, I can still get my ass handed to me by anyone determined to harm my life, or take something from me. The current social patterns have shown, that giving a criminal what they want, does not always mean they will stop there…especially if they have a weapon of any sort pulled on you.

I mention some of my training partners, because one is a big woman, and not just in weight – also in height and general size. She’s not, what could be called a sissy girl, but having seen her thrown around, I know that it wouldn’t matter my size. Strength, regardless, will ALWAYS be my weakness, and even moreso when I am injured. I’m sorry, but modern feminism aside, there is always going to be a physiological difference between men and women. And when it comes to a physical test of strength, particularly with a size disparity, a woman will lose. Sure, add our brain smarts in, and our dirty little tricks that we’re perfectly capable of throwing out there, and we’ve got a fighting chance. But I would much rather have an additional tool my toolbox, then have to hope to the high heavens that I won’t have something dislocated, broken, be knocked out or killed during the course of preventing a crime against me, or the attempt at taking my life.

In my opinion, when someone pulls a weapon on me, they are telling me that my life is worth less than what they want from me. At that point, they place their own worth as less than I place my own worth. And if that means I have to kill them to survive, so be it. Does this mean I advocate everyone carry? No. If you’re not willing to use the weapon you carry, you increase the chance that it will be used against you. But I can tell you right now, if I see anything happening to you, I will do my best to make sure that you are alive when all is said and done.

the story that convinced me

Just so you all are aware, I am now ranked 2nd in the world for the IBJJF organization. My sacrifice was my elbow. I dislocated when it shouldn’t have. So, when I get home, I will heal and start weight training, since the ligaments are too loose, and the structural muscles will need to be strengthened. On top of that, I need to gain weight. I gave up 7 lbs to my opponent and was declared malnourished by the doc who checked me out (of course, I’ve eaten like shit for the past 2 days). My goal is to get back up to 125, so I can just drop a couple of lbs to my weight class, instead of looking anorexic on a daily basis.