So, today I had BJJ training, then to work. Well, after my workout, I was requested to come back tonight because they had a female guest coming in for her first BJJ class and they wanted to ease her in. On top of that, the evening class tonight is Fight Team training so the entire team is there. Not everyone can be as psycho as me and think rolling with those guys would be awesome, especially for a first class. But, she didn’t show, so I’m home now. Honestly, I felt so at home running back to the gym and was ready to roll. I can’t wait to build myself into a morning kickboxing class, 3 hours, then back to the gym for BJJ, then to work. Seriously, I’m psyched for it and bouncing around at the idea of it. I can’t wait to find a new job that will allow for me to be in the gym about 2 sessions a day. Gonna start getting off early on Tuesdays, so guess where I’ll be? BOXING CLASS!!!!! 😀
Scorpio for this week:
In her San Francisco Chronicle column, Leah Garchik reported that a woman shopping at a local Safeway grocery store had heard “Blitzkrieg Bop,” a snarling anthem by the Ramones, playing over the loudspeaker. Was it an unfortunate development that besmirched the integrity of the seminal punk band, or a welcome sign that what was once raw rebel squawk is infiltrating the mainstream? You’re ready to entertain an analogous question that pertains to your own personal quest for authenticity, Scorpio. Should you compromise a little so as to inject your influence into a setting where it’s desperately needed? Or should you remain aloof and pure, content to affect mostly just those who already agree with you?
Well, I definitely hate affecting those who already agree with me, because I’m not growing as a result. Makes me stagnant and I’m limited in what I’m in contact with. I can’t really see which setting this could possibly be, as I’ve been entertaining several scenarios in my head. I’d definitely like to hang out where I’m content, for a bit, because stepping forward into a new avenue is very overwhelming for me and causes an ill-reaction when I can’t balance myself. It’s one reason why I’m so adamant about moderation and slowly working into things. Kinda like my approach to massage, easier to work into something than be met with resistance at the gates.
Might add some more later.
What does one do, when all dreams have been ful-filled? Yeah, I’m 28-years-old, and pretty much every dream/goal of mine, that I’ve written in past journals has been ful-filled to my satisfaction. I’m stuck, and at a loss for what I want to do, besides helping and supporting others with their dreams. To an extent, I kinda feel a bit empty inside, struggling to come up with a reason to keep going. I think that’s probably the basis for what has been going on inside of me, of late. I had a push, with the new job, but that seems to slowly be crumbling away, due to lack of planning by my boss. I’ve found that I absolutely adore working with my clients, and I think they’re all great. I’m going to miss them if my boss decides to just quit, though I could probably pick some of them up as private clients.
To an extent, I feel pushed to the side, as well. Not through the fault of anyone else, but I’ve isolated myself again. There are a few people I’ve managed to continue talking with, but for the most part, I don’t really have much to say to anyone else. Chit-chat is pretty much a no-go, because I’ve been in such deep thought that I can’t comprehend the simplicities of idle conversation. Either that, or my non-committal, laid-back nature of late has prevented me from having heated discussions. Italy was too good to me, it left me too relaxed, though, at this point I would say I no longer care….numb, maybe. Just watching my life pass before me and watching everyone’s life exist outside of my own. Maybe I’m just not up to participating anymore.
Scorpio for this week:
Balding, five feet tall, and heavy set, 61-year-old Scorpio actor Danny Devito is not renowned as an embodiment of male beauty. That’s what helped make his appearance on an episode of the old TV show “Friends” so amusing. He played a striptease artist dressed as a cop who came to entertain Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe. The spectacle of him dancing provocatively as he removed his clothes was appalling, fascinating, funny, and ultimately harmless. I predict you will have at least two experiences that fit this description in the coming week.
Gods, I hope this doesn’t involve the client my boss asked me about….apparently, he used to come to our office and the therapist shaved him after his massage. *shudders* Not cool. This guy wants an appt, so my boss comes in the other day and asks me if I’d be willing to provide said services. Result? “Hell no! That’s too close a boundary violation for someone I’m not dating. Refer him to a spa for waxing services.” I don’t shave any people I’m not sleeping with….industrialreich excluded because I get to wax him. *eg*
Holy shit my body hurts!!!!! So everyone is back from break at the gym, C is back so I’m happy. So is B, and he led warm-ups yesterday and he killed us. Granted, I’m happy he did because my abs are happy (I’m getting my 6 pack back!), so are my quads. The cool thing, is everything is finally coming together for me. My instructor put me with the competition guys, to make sure that I was constantly moving during open mat. And even they are happy with my progress. I’m starting to see the openings for the moves, and paying attention to my escapes and variations when something doesn’t work. On top of that, I FOUND SHOES!!!! Yeah, I’m happy about that, but you guys have no idea how hard it is, to find size 4 wrestling shoes. Spent the last couple of months looking for them, because I jammed my toe and yesterday just reinforced that I really needed to get them. It hasn’t popped out yet, and it kept getting pulled when I was trying to lock my guard. I’ll probably have to go see the Sadist Clinical therapist at the school. He did a good job at popping out my other toe when this happened.
Oh yeah, next Monday….my Bitch has his first “official” UFC fight (meaning, it’s separate from TUF), so you all have to be watching Spike at 10PM! They probably won’t show the fight, but starting a 4P Vegas time, I expect everyone to be sending kick ass energies to him (not that he needs them, but the extra boost won’t hurt) so he can win. I’m too excited about this, so don’t be surprised if this is all I talk about to you for the next couple of days. 😀
Scorpio for this week:
In my homeland of Northern California, four of the most overused terms are “juicy,” “sacred,” “radical,” and “wild.” I haven’t made a scientific study, but I’d guess that maybe 30 percent of all workshops and self-help books originating in this part of the world have at least one of those words in their titles. As a connoisseur of language, I naturally try to avoid them myself. Nevertheless, your long-term astrological omens demand that I invoke them to describe your destiny. In fact, I’m duty-bound to predict that 2006 will be the Year of Juicy Sacred Radical Wildness for you Scorpios. Do your best, please, to express the primal potency of these words.
Heh, wait till you see the shit I’m drafting from my myspace blog. Should be interesting, as will this year. As I’ve said before, I’m itching to drop my skin and explode into the being that I am slowly becoming. Instead of waiting in my coccoon, I want to grab a knife and slice my way out, however imperfect I currently am.
I love dead roses…
Because they are dead. Well, not really…
The rose, specifically the red rose, is a symbol of love. Least, that’s what we define it as in this culture. To dry them for display, you have to dry them upside down, which allows them to close up into a bud again. For me, this is love at its spark, and for each person that I love, I have a bouquet of dead roses to remind me why I love them. It’s important, because if I don’t have that initial spark of theirs, my love for them cannot grow, and theirs for me is stuck in perpetual stagnation. I hold on to these for the bad times, for the times that there is anger and hatred and times for when I doubt in myself and my capability to love. I hold onto these, even after my love for a person has grown and passed into transition to perfect love.
The uniquness of this collection, is the fact that I have never bought these roses, they were all given to my by the individuals they represent. There is only one bouquet that is missing, for means of destruction of a love that was based on false pretenses. Does that mean that the feeling was not love? Of course not, it was a true feeling for me, however much the knowledge following changed my colouring of it. Those roses were given in sacrifice to the fire, for a means of me moving on and acknowledging that love, while unique and perfect, is flawed by the fact that it exists in a flawed being. It was a lesson for me, a hard hitting one.
Scorpio for this week:
Widely regarded as a top military historian, Martin van Creveld has written books that have been influential in shaping modern theories of warfare. The U.S. Army makes his work required reading for its officers. That’s why it was so remarkable when he described America’s invasion of Iraq in 2003 as “the most foolish war since Emperor Augustus in 9 BC sent his legions into Germany and lost them.” I urge you to regularly imitate Creveld’s example in 2006, Scorpio: Speak out in dramatic fashion against the follies that your expertise gives you the right to critique. Drawing on your special experience and knowledge, make rigorous evaluations of the authorities and institutions whose decisions affect your life.
Hrm, I guess I need to up the volume. And, I have been slacking off quite a bit, so I guess this is the hint to get my ass back on the grind, eh?
Talking about covering someone’s back. In the military field, people are paired up within their units so that both the front, back, and sides are covered to ensure that an enemy does not attack from any angle. And, if one does, they can be removed as an issue. The lecture, is one that is familiar to any within a partnership and one that I’ve heard more than enough times for me to not get nauseous in hearing again.
Needless to say, my audio tape collection is now half-gone. Including those oh so precious singles that they no longer make as well as some smaller local bands that I won’t even be able to replace on CD. And all because the cat box had solidified beyond the liking for a picky cat. Thank you, I can cover my own ass now.
I know I haven’t posted much here, but I’ve got stuff in my head that will soon result in pen to paper. Been having some weird dreams going on again. I’m pretty ambivalent towards them, as my only worry is the fact that I can’t tell if they are dreams of desire or the ones that come true. Been having them since I got to Italy, guess that’s what happens when you put 2 magical people in the same bed to balance each other out. Zoomie started having dreams like this the minute I got there, so did I, but they were more peaceful than his were. I would figure that most of these should disturb me to an extent, but somehow they don’t. They just exist, but they are manifesting in my body, which is really weird. Been a concern of mine for a while. And please, don’t ask about them till I’m ready to write them out, I don’t wish to try and rationalize them till I can get the detail down.
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