Author: Saille

Who am I? On the surface I'm a nature-loving dirt worshipping hippy in search of a good adrenaline rush. That's all I have for now.

Scorpio for this week:
FreeWill Astrology

John Madden was a successful pro football coach who understood the value of taking things both seriously and not very seriously at all. He was a hard-working master of strategy and motivation who drilled his team relentlessly so they’d develop the discipline necessary to excel. But he also understood how critical it was to inject playfulness into the mix, even during high-pressure moments. There was one stretch in the 1970s when he prepared his players for each game with a fierce pep talk, but then refused to let them leave the locker room until running back Mark van Eeghen could summon a belch. I recommend this dual approach to you, Scorpio. As you wade in to your upcoming dates with destiny, draw liberally on the leavening power of teasing and whimsy.

Hrm. This sounds like something that might work in my next staff meeting….Speaking of drama, I don’t recall ever seeing the cameras filming my personal soap opera “Confessions of a future serial killer”. But seriously, I need some pointless humour at this juncture. Hell, I’d kill (literally) for something as stupid as Jackass, as long as it made me laugh for hours on end. I swear, if ever I thought my ass was tight, you should meet the princesses and Sunshine. Wow, they give Marines a run for their money when it comes to how far they can shove the broomstick up their ass (for the Marines that actually read this journal, ask me about that joke, trust me…you’ll laugh). Anyway, I’m planning my own spa day. Hoping to get to it next week, *fingers crossed*.

The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it’s impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That’s why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.

Astrologer Caroline Casey offers an apt metaphor to illustrate how crucial it is for us to hear and read good stories. She notes that if we don’t have enough of the normal, healthy kind of iodine in our bodies, we absorb radioactive iodine, which has entered the food chain through nuclear test explosions conducted in the atmosphere. Similarly, unless we fill ourselves up with stories that invigorate us, we’re more susceptible to sopping up the poisonous, degenerative narratives.

I like the first paragraph better.

With all that said, My Zoomie is also feeling as if he’s been dragged through a pig stye of nails and sulfur. So, energies to him too. Honestly, I think he picked the wrong job, he should be out having fun destroying people screwing over that country. I know I would get depressed sitting around a bomb dump, and he’s not the type of person who finds happy things about that…..damned AF, freaking pussies. 😀

In order to reduce some of my drama and whatnot, my pardon to all my blog-friends as I will be taking a reading break from you all. No offense, but I kinda need to shut down for a while. I’ll still be posting here, but that’s it.

Ok, so I have this paranoia…namely, the fear of running off, or thinking that I’m running off people that I’m really interested in getting to know as a friend (not pursuing in the style of a physical relationship). I know that I have a fairly strong personality when I can manage to carry on a relaxed conversation and can be over-whelming for people who don’t expect my openness. I also know that I have a bad habit of rambling about the most off-topic shit when I’m in an uncomfortable situation, and as such, have developed the habit of just not saying anything, which can be off-putting as well. Not to mention coming off as pushy when wanting to hang out with a new person. So, with all that said….

What about my personality has attracted you into my circle of friends, or has caused you to question whether or not you really wanted to be friends with me? I’d rather have everyone cool with signing their names, because I can take criticism, especially when I ask for it. But, for those of you who aren’t, you’re welcome to sign anonymously and not sign your name at the end of your post.

Seriously though, I’d really like to know the opinions of you all. This is something that I’ve had an issue with for a while, and if possible, I’d like to get an idea of what’s appropriate and not appropriate in meeting people. But please, if you’re offering advice, I already know about the “be yourself” advice, and that’s usually the problem. 😀

Now, for a substantive post. I have princesses that work for me, they don’t like the fact that I wear the crown and make the decisions. Knew that one was coming, so it’s just exasperating more than it’s annoying. I have some confusion in my head about a few things, but hey, it’s the girl-side of me speaking, regarding things in the male psyche that I never understood – mainly because they never bothered to treat me like another guy, instead, they chose to remember that I’m an innie instead of an outie. Funny how they time that recollection. Anyway, I have a massage appt this evening, because of the stress and whatnot elsewhere, I can’t bring myself to hit the gym first (no point in wearing myself out when I’m already tired). I’m hoping to make it in tomorrow between my meeting and my evening shift, that should help a little bit on things. I really need to get my physical yoga practice back up and running, and I also wish I had the cash to spend Friday afternoons at the rock gym bouldering, I’m hoping that would help stave the arthritis that’s flaring in my fingers.

I got the dates for Autumnfest yesterday. As usual, they scheduled the same dates as Prog. This is the second year they’ve done this, but I’ve got a better excuse this year….I’m working crew staff and I’ve known that since January. Though, I don’t think I really need much of an excuse due to the rising costs of this particular festival. I find I’m becoming increasingly annoyed with our COG chapter, though, I think I’ll reserve final judgement when they disclose where all the money is going that prompted the festival increase. My guess is that some of it is to cover those who choose to not donate to the Bionic Priestess Project. Eh, don’t have the funds to go anyway, D*C is the next major expense, and I still don’t have any costumes put together, though I do have ideas. My thrill is that I finally get to meet erynn999 and hopefully get some down-time where she’d be willing to let me prod her brain on things healing. 😀 Shall be verra cool to finally meet someone who gave me some direction and some clarity to forge my own path.

I still gotta post the nifty picture that WT snagged for me. It’s massively cute, I love that guy, he knows how to pick up my mood (and show me nifty movies that have lots of blood and new ideas to kill people). Speaking of, I need to pick up American Psycho the book. Seemed to have been missing a good bit, in regards to the movie. Though, I will say one thing that I completely identify with….the lack of inner “person”. There’s this facade that gets put on for public, but the actual person doesn’t really exist, the place where it should exist is this massive vacuum of space, where only darkness exists.

Oh yeah, I have a post on that, might do it when I have time later this week. I was actually pondering my own inner vacuum, so I shall let you all into that secret little staircase, that’s lit only by a yellow faded light that gives little to no direction on how deep the staircase goes.

Ya know, I’ve been reading the blogosphere for various reviews on “Over There”. I’ve seen a good bit of negative and a lot of wishful thinking about the writers of “Blackhawk Down” and “Band of Brothers”. First off, the writers of both of those had a real story to base the screenplays on, “Over There” only has real situations to base it on, not a full-blown story. The characters in “Over There” do not exist, the characters of the other two, did, even if the names were changed. You want historical drama, watch the history channel, FX is drama only.

Now, I liked “Band of Brothers”, I hated “Blackhawk Down”. In fact, if we want to get into the politics of screenworks, “Blackhawk Down” made me hate the Clinton administration more than anything Clinton could have done otherwise. That situation proved to me that a person with no military experience, should not be directing the military, nor should he have any “yes” men to advise him. There is no way that I will ever, voluntarily, watch that movie again. In fact, I wish I had the time and the money spent to go see it back, so I could do something useful.

With “Over There”, it’s drama for me. I was on the edge of my seat as the transport truck slowly rolled over the IED, I was laughing my ass off as the .50 cal exploded into the insurgent, tore off his torso as his legs continued to walk forward. I wanted to bitchslap the token dumbass chick as she screamed at her unitmate for helping her dig a sleeping hole, and wished for a bullet to her head when she took off to take a piss. I sympathized with the guy who’s wife was banging someone else, because he was getting deployed as means to punish her – I know guys who went through that argument with their wives, heaven help those women should I ever meet them. I gave respect to the mother who explained to her infant son how she was going to be gone for a year because “Mommy has a job to do”. I also wanted to high five the MP who threw the insurgent leader into the transport veh., who told the Reporter from AJ to fuck off, and why.

Do I think situations like that happen? Who knows, not over there, and thanks to the fuck-up called the MSM, my boys who are infantry couldn’t tell me if they did. Do I think that situation was put in the pilot for a reason? Hell yeah! You get introduced to the characters, you get both sides of the coin nailed, and you see that there isn’t really any black or white to the situation, just a fuckton of gray. Honestly, I don’t think either side of the political coin is going to get what they want out of this show. In fact, the hatred for this show might be the only thing the left and right have in common right now.

I’m not sure on the blunt comment, I don’t ever recall smoking a joint that I could exhale out my mouth and then inhale through my nose. Though, the ash looked about right, as did the coughing. My guess is that the actor is a smoker and they “fixed” up a cig to look like a blunt and he forgot.

Oh, and the women were the transport personnel, not the guys. Watching it right now, and caught that part.

Addition: In regards to “Dim”, he didn’t give himself his nick for the reason of being stupid. He got it in basic, probably given as just a breakdown comment (probably in the same manner I got the nick Psycho in the gym).

Another: The M-16 is ejecting out the right side, not the left as commented on BlackFive’s blog. Someone needs to watch closely, or record and hit pause (TiVo is wonderful).

Scorpio for this week (late, I know):

Pioneer cartoonist Walt Disney had no doubts about what inspired his greatest ardor. “I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I’ve ever known,” he said. My sculptor friend Rachel has a similar relationship with her art. “I don’t have time for boyfriends,” she told me. “Men just distract me from my work, which is the only thing that gives me unconditional joy.” I suggest that in the coming weeks you make Walt and Rachel your role models, Scorpio. What form of creative self-expression inspires as much of your passion as your drive for romantic intimacy? Feed it with the same fervor you summon when you’re infatuated with a new lover.

My problem is that my passions are currently occupied. In talking with my Zoomie last night, we both agreed that we’re too passionate about things. It is the fire that pushes us ahead and keeps us moving. The problem arises when that passion is translated into emotions, as we pursue and feel what we do with passion. I know it has been my downfall, and the reasoning behind my problems with letting go of things. It has been the source of my frustration, the source of my pain and the source of my cynicism/misanthrope-ism. My dad used to call my naive because of it, failing to see reality for the veil over my eyes. Maybe, but I also think this same problem is what made my gram into the sour old woman that she became when I was born. We are captive to our passions, and when we fail in sustaining them, or utilizing them to the greatest of our ability, we see that as absolute failure. A failure of our own making that we should have been able to make into a success.

A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and forgotten. There’ll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist materialists would have you believe. But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing you do subtly alters the course of world history? What if your day-to-day decisions will actually help determine how the human species navigates its way through the epic turning point we’re living through? And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated into a fresh body and in possession of the memories of the person you were back in this era? These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. Which is why I say: Live as if your soul is eternal

This will make an interesting meditation topic.

FreeWill Astrology

Some secret parts of me hate that I can feel anything. It’s easier to feel cold and empty, and accept that, than to feel warm and ful-filled. When you’re cold and empty, you can’t lose anything else, when you’re warm and ful-filled, you can be drained. Sometimes, I just want to curl up and lock the world away, shut everyone out and hang up the “closed” sign. Cut all ties, and let the ribbons fall as they may. Sometimes, it’s just because it’s the easier route. Sometimes, it’s because I’m not strong enough to understand what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. It is difficult, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it though this.

Edit: I think I might actually puke over this. Least I got some good tears out.

I found a new show I like….”Over There” on fox. Though, guess that was a given. At first I was hesitant about watching it, but it’s turning out to be pretty good.

So here’s what I have on slate for tomorrow:

up and out of bed by 9ish
gather outing stuff
stuff the Cat Box o’Doom
take care of early morning work duties
run to bank for deposit
leave by 11A
Call Whipping Boy to let him know I’ll be in his area
Enjoy myself
Write in my pillow book
Explore the area
Meditate in a spot that’s comfy
Record sensations during meditation
Soak in a cold stream

I’d say that’s a good start, as much as I wish to take the scenic route again, it’s faster by hwy and I stay in cell range longer.

I was all up to head out of town today, and then I woke up at 10A. Oh well, haven’t heard from the Whipping boy, so I’ll have contemplative time tomorrow, such is the life of the busy schedules. Had another incident with the hotel, the only good thing is that we followed protocol and the hotel staff didn’t, woot! I’m getting really annoyed with a few of my employees, seriously, how difficult is it to follow protocol that was verbally conveyed, as well as written out? BAH! Anyway, yeah. That’s it. Nothing else at this point.