Month: January 2015

Random musings…

Honestly, I don’t really have a whole lot to talk about. I did, but I forgot it all. The main contemplation has been trying to focus in trusting the universe to take care of me, the way it normally does. It’s hard, but I’m taking it one step at a time. Trying to not freak out at every little thing and taking a deep breath. Focus on the small things. The things I can control.

The positive, work is increasing. My fingers are crossed that this will continue and when I do get slammed I am reminding myself that it’s a good thing. Change is happening and in order for the good stuff to come in old things need to be cleared out. My thinking has to change and shift with everything that is happening.

I also need to get out of this rut. Sleeping too much, staying in bed too much. Not sure if it’s winter, or just residuals.

My horrorscope for the day…

You're feeling an intense sense of healing emanating from somewhere deep — so deep that you may not even realize where it's coming from. Try not to worry about it too much, as it's strictly positive.

I ended up with a day off, so far. So with all stress I've been under with the paranoid watching of my car out the window, and randomly hitting the lock/unlock buttons on my remote – just in case someone's under it – I managed to sleep in. I think the CatBox is pretty safe during the day, since there are no cars around to hide someone slinking around it. But all this stuff does lead me to question – what exactly is the cause of all of this? Is this a purge going on so I can move forward? Is this a sign that I'm moving in the wrong direction on something? And if so, what something is going in the wrong direction? Everything that has happened in the last 3 months has been personal and hitting at my home and my heart – but most of the physical damage has been to my bank account. And that last part, is where the stress comes from. The pattern seems to be that we get within range of paying off all credit cards, then something major hits and jacks us back up to where we don't want to be. I'm not sure if it's a taunt to clear out the savings account, or if it's just a reminder of where things just naturally are for now. Given all the crap that happened in November, I was hopeful that this was going to be a recovery year. Where growth would happen and I'd be able to start doing all the nice things for my friends that I used to do, and be able to go visit them for weekend get-aways.

But instead, I'm left waiting on my percentage of insurance reimbursement, and then having to divvy that up so I can pay out the next thing that I will have to wait for reimbursement on. I've been telling myself to trust in the universe, it hasn't let me down yet. But it's playing a semi-nasty game of monkey in the middle with me right now. I want to trust, but I also want to go back to sleep and not wake up till all of this is over.

My positives: My intermediate class is almost full on Wednesdays. I'm finding my way with them, even the difficult one. I'm starting to get interest in private yoga classes. I have an Alpine snuggling with me and coffee. A dreary day, but it's absolutely amazing to look out the window at it.

The Merry-go-round…

Talked to the detective today. She seems pretty cool, even though she admits she can't make the life/lives of the person(s) who stole the stuff off my car miserable. I'm staying fairly positive, because when it started the only thing I could do was laugh. Not the funny ha-ha kind, but the "OMG, this is so absurd, really?" The insurance nightmare that I thought would ensue has been abated, they're paying the entire bill minus my deductible.

Though, the awesome…went to a dinner party at my friend's house. It was nice and small and wonderful. Not too taxing on my social withdrawal needs, but good for my being social factor. I have 4 gymnstics classes that I'm teaching. Start Wednesday, hoping this positivity will over-flow into my business for the year. Need to quit slacking on the yoga. But all this other stuff has been pulling me away from that focus. I have been meditating, so that's good. It's steps in the right direction. But I readily admit, I was a total slacker today. Didn't need to go to work, so I hung out at home. Didn't want to run around too much, as I have been waiting on the mechanic to tell me the CatBox is ready to go home. Still haven't seen the neighbor's Element, but my guess is that she's waiting on the insurance and not doing what I did and forcing the insurance to work faster than they want to work.

But I have a kitten on my lap, so it's ok. This too shall pass.

Ugh…(much bitching ahead skip if needed)

This day can just not get any better. Started out great…then I got to the office. It seems over the weekend something happened and the top drawer in my file cabinet decided to relocate further towards the middle drawer. In doing so, it jacked up the lock on the locked drawers – you know those ones that only I'm supposed to have access to? Well, 3 hours later, I fixed it. Still can't fix the lock, so I'll have to get a new file cabinet. Also found out that my printer doesn't feel like printing. It didn't feel like scanning either, which would be nice, except for the fact that all of Pastry's gov't bullshit has to go out tonight. Then, go to write the check, well – not enough money in the checking account and I don't have any checks for the account that does. Basically, the fees add up to half a month's check. Nice, isn't it? Gov't punishes those who do it legally and rewards those who don't. I wish he'd come from a country that gets the sympathy vote and an Executive Order that allows a mostly free pass with fines that aren't near what the legal folks have to pay. Oh, and Google has decided that I can't log in to my mail. Isn't that nice?

I'm so over this day. I'm beyond pissed.

Oh, I signed the check "Legal Immigration fine". Yeah, I'm in that kind of mood. Hopefully, sleep makes it go away.

I missed it…

But our internet has been out from 2am Sunday to this afternoon, and like hell if I'm going to type a blog post on my phone. Um, no.

At any rate, Pastry's provisional GC is up next month, did we send this shit out last month? No. So I'm getting everything together to send it out tomorrow. Base stuff, and a letter why it's base stuff. My bitch is that some of the stuff they expect is that we want to document EVERYTHING. Makes me want to send in a sex tape instead of anything else. So fucking annoying, I hate the gov't, especially considering I have to go through this, and drop another $590 "filing fee" and biometric appt (will be the 3rd one), but there's a bunch of "undocumented" people running to a DMV in California to get their DL. Seriously, how the fuck does that make sense? I have a ton of other opinions on the subject, but those will have to hold off and probably put under a lock. Immigration here pisses me off, but at least it continues in the "good faith" of the US government – punish those who play by the book and reward those who don't. And please, if you want to comment on this, don't regal me with the dangers of South America, because E. Europe and Asia ain't very pretty either – and you can bet that they aren't included in that EO. At any rate, I'm glad the interview isn't this week, I'd probably not be the greatest candidate – would definitely be overly sarcastic and rip the poor schmuck a new one.

But, we got a new dishwasher working. It's pretty. And my sink is much cleaner now. I also got my email program working again. Nightmare to wait on the answer, but now I can say Yosemite isn't that bad.

Going back to work wasn't too bad. Full schedule, so that's a positive sign for the new year. Also, the gym is picking up, so they need people to take over some beginner and advanced classes. Works for me.

Still tired. Want to sit with coffee in bed with the cats, but I'll take some work. Work is good, makes me feel useful. Need to start teaching yoga classes now. I'm at the point where I'm ready to start my home practice. I'm one of those folks who has to go backwards. I had to put in the actual practice before the physical practice. And that's ok, because that's where I'm pulled anyway.

Almost missed it…

So the mundane, it hurts!!! At any rate, we finally have the dishwasher working. It only took 3 trips to Home Depot to get the right stuff. Now, there are so many pipes and tubes under it that it will never be able to fall down. And the funny part is that we got one of those super quiet ones, Pastry was worried that it wasn't working because he couldn't hear it. None of the water pipes was leaking when we turned the water on, but I guess we'll see if they're leaking when it's on. The positive, I can at least pop the base plate off to look. 😀

In other news, I'm still reeling from the loss of Lexus. Right now, Alpine is head-butting my arm to pet him, so it helps. Elan has taken up with sitting with me for my morning coffee. Pneus looks just like Lexus did, before she became the frumpy old woman, weighs as much too. She's bigger than Alpine is and I don't think she's done growing. Alpine has recovered from his reassignment surgery pretty well. His surgeon was quite happy, but we still haven't gotten the $70 worth of stones that were removed. The basic is that his bladder has always had issues, and he's pretty much had stones his whole life – they just never caught them until the last couple of years. The surgeon says his bladder is nothing but scar tissue (biopsy), but the phsyical palpations say otherwise. So he hasn't been fully emptying his bladder for quite some time. At any rate, he's back to normal and not peeing outside the box except when whatever cat that pees on my front door pees on my front door (so he's not allowed there).

I think I’m mad…

But I may be irritated or just plain pissed off. I'm still trying to decide. The one thing I have decided is that I'm tired of watching everyone else's passive aggressiveness. I'm getting better about scrolling through FB and just not responding, to the point where I may just not scroll at all and read through my forums. I'm normally cool with sitting around and watching people evolve and discover themselves and grow and tossing my $.02 in when needed or wanted. I'm also cool with people I toss that in tossing it into the road and never looking at it again. Unfortunately, I guess there's a lot of stagnant water sitting around because the definition of insanity is slowly becoming the definition of life – at least that's how it's looking from my end. It saddens me.

So I need to work on that – namely, not being depressed about it and being hopeful that one day, that brick wall will jump up and support a mirror to crash into. Yeah, we're all on a journey, and I get that some of us just want to cruise through with no pause for self-reflection. But I'm not a huge fan of lather, rinse, repeat. If you know what I mean…

Starting today…

I want to write more, and they always say to just write. So…plan is to write something here every day, even if it's overwhelmingly mundane. Some of you may not see it, because sometimes I like to limit it to friends, but I promise the public entires aren't always going to be posts worthy of 140 characters or less.

Our goal this year is to spend more time traveling – outdoor type stuff, preferably. My personal goal is to get back to the spiritual and happy me. I need to spend less time staring at FaceBook and more time reading books and other blogs that contribute to that goal. I also want to start finishing my projects around the house and get the ones that I haven't started started.

I don't have any deep insight today, yet. Still working on that whole first cup thing.