Ch-ch-changes…

So, I'm contemplating changes. The one that is in the process of happening is less on-line time. It will pretty much disappear when Pastry arrives (which, we do have a more solid date, just in time for our somewhat anniversary), as I'm on the computer just for our shared solitude moments. It also means I'll be more social, least on Saturdays and Sundays. Having gas money to go to potluck will be AWESOME!!! I'm also working on the inner workings. The sadness is going away, I'm not crying as much, but the series final of SG-1 has stuck with me since I watched it the other day. Not sure why, but it is because of the middle part. So well done to the directors on that one.

Simplification. I'm still working on it, but I never imagined how much of a mess it creates, just to get rid of stuff. Both in the apartment and in life. I'm trying to not take some things as personal as I have taken them, but finding that last thread to cut is always difficult when you don't have a magnifying glass.

Mindfulness. Been increasing this aspect, and I'm not sure if it's creating an irritation or not, because I'm finding that other people who are not as mindful are creating issues that grate on the outset and settle later. Case in point, this morning. Someone in my office dragged one of the wooden chairs across the floor with that nice loud "screeeeeeeeeeee" sound. Made me cringe because it didn't phase her at all. But hey, she thanked me for letting her use my electricity, which was cool.

Happiness. I really am happy, for the most part. I recognize things that I need to improve on, and I am working on them. My social life needs more variety, but I am getting out and being social with other people in one-on-one situations. And I'm being useful. Helped a friend put together her bathroom furniture over the weekend, and it was awesome. Have a class to take tomorrow, with friends, after working on a friend, so lots of friends there. 🙂 Upcoming is my yoga class' monthly gathering and book club, which I get to help with, so thrilled with that. I love me some book clubs, especially yoga centric book clubs. Just need to go grab my copy of the book so I can get started. I'm also helping out at grove, as I've been asked to co-facilitate the upcoming ritual. I was pretty nervous after saying yes, but at the same time, I'm very comfortable with the idea. Which, I should be, as my grove position requires me to be the "back-up", so to speak. So time to step up. I'm hoping this will help me in being more "on time" with my responsibilities and stuff I say I will do. I'm pretty bad about coming up with the "back out" reasons, and I need to stop that.

Funny story about that…

I just realized the pattern I developed when it came time for me to retire from gymnastics. My mind wasn't in it anymore, too many injuries had caused me to be overly cautious – which tends to lead to more injuries from not following through. So instead of getting half-way there, I'd quit while I was ahead, so that I didn't quit when I'd run the risk of an actual injury. It's one of my failings as a warrior, because when it comes down to it, you can't question your choice any longer, you have to suck it up and see it through, regardless. I've always been pretty focused on owning my choices, despite what one of my former bosses might try to claim (and did). But the actions have not always been there. Granted, I've always viewed the things I've backed out of as inconsequential (mostly parties and gatherings), but I shouldn't do stuff like that. Even though I'm not told I am missed, I know that some people are interested in seeing me, and I need to get used to being social again – how else am I to do that, if I'm not social?

Anyway, one part of our yoga training, was a good discussion on how to go back out in the world, being changed in the way we have been changed. It's always been an issue with me. I've found the more I change, the more I become the square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It doesn't phase me as much as I used to, but I do need that interaction. I know I have a group that is on my wavelength and they've been a tremendous help, just in the knowledge that they are there.

Now, client time!!!

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