I came to another realization today, some of my anti-social behaviour is due to feelings of inadequacy. Not sure where they come from, as I was always a shy child, so my silence is not from there. I do recall many a time growing up, and as an adult, where I felt like I was being dismissed or just where my crappy timing and organizational skills fall flat due to nightmarish schedules I have to work with.

Where I feel inadequate is mostly when I try to do things for others…meaning, parties, gatherings of some sort, whatever. They almost always seem to fall flat (with exception to the annual PP gathering). Other times, it's in trying to express things. I sometimes feel like I'm talking to a wall, or being dismissed for no reason whatsoever. Anyway, that wasn't a fun thing to realize today. I really wonder why I bother, sometimes. I feel like I'm stuck in some BS competition and I'm the only one not competing.

Maybe I'm just going through withdrawal from classes being over, but I'm not in a happy place right now.

3 comments

  1. Parties are like meetings. Quacking ducks competing for attention. Booze makes it easier for introverts, which is why I drink at social gatherings. Quality time spent one-on-one with people works a lot better in my experience.

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    1. Same for me, it’s why I prefer lunch gatherings and whatnot. But sometimes, trying to organize stuff, just absolutely sucks, especially when I’m trying to do it for a group, and it’s something that they’ve requested. I much preferred scheduling interview blocks than anything else.

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