So I was having an argument in my head with one of my clients, for some reason, this is my means of working out issues. Little did I know what was going to come up.
We were talking about a recent issue, namely my failures, that resulted in her being left by the wayside. As the argument progressed, I realized what one of my abso-huge major issues is…well, not really, I’ve known this for a while, and have vaguely put it into words here.
Every day, I am setting myself aside and asking others “What can I do for you?” “How can I help you?” It always ends in “you”. I never ask, “What can I do for myself?” “How can I help me?” And the rare times that I do, I end up on my ass at home doing nothing – which of late, includes my asanas. It’s been a long time (Pastry visits not included), since someone really said, “FC, what can I do for you? Really, just name it.” And it came from the heart.
I am my own housekeeper, schedule keeper (not including my asbso-fab former asst), shopper, boss, employee, friend, chauffeur, banker, you name it, I’m it. But I’m not my own caretaker. Least, not in a way that allows me to really, truly relax. It’s partly a trust issue, repeatedly being dropped on my head by people who were allowed in, has kinda made that door the envy of Alice in Wonderland. And it’s caused me to slack off in that regard as well. Saying I’ll do things and then take forever to get them done. I’m trying to work on the latter, but the former is going to take a bulldozer and a wrecking ball.
I need to get over it, and do that whole bootstraps bullshit. But quite honestly, I’d love to throw the bootstraps away, or flog whoever came up with that idea with them. If I had the money, I’d pay someone to make me tomato soup with a grilled cheese, so I can curl up all day in bed.
6 more months.