Yes, it’s been a while. But with tournament next week, I’m spending as much time as possible in the gym. The down-side, is that I’m frustrated as hell with it. I spend more time getting injured than anything else, why? Because I’m tiny and my training partner is twice my size, and if he’s handicapping himself to make sure he’s on level with me, it’s not showing. It’s also coming down to seeing the techniques that I’ve modified to work for me, are being brought back to me as being wrong, and the new ways just aren’t working. I’m trying to let go, and spend a good deal with that mantra during class, but it’s not happening. I’ve gotten snappy with my instructors, or at least felt the desire to snap at them, and I get frustrated to the point I have to leave the mat to prevent me from hurting a training partner when it’s not their fault. I don’t like feeling this way, but I’ve seriously been feeling like a total fuck-up. Like I missed the boat, or something and failed to notice the most simplest thing I should have. Failure to pay attention to detail, and all I get is a neck that won’t move, and now wrists and elbows that feel like they’ve been dislocated. It would just be nice, for once, to have a training partner on my level, that is my size, and who can speed me up. The one guy, and his girlfriend, who meet those requirements aren’t there that often. I wish they would be, because I know I’m not going to get hurt with them. And she’s squirrely, like me, so I really have to work to position her, and it makes me pay attention to my defense, as well. *sigh*


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