luxpagani teases me, because I’m constantly thinking I did something to run someone away from me. I don’t know why I think that, but it has become an inner tug-o-war for me, sometimes. Nothing to put much value in, especially when I know my friends are off elsewhere and not connected to me in any other way besides energy. I guess it’s because I haven’t found that balance point where enough is just enough, but not too much. montieth and I have discussed this, from time to time, because I have a habit of either coming off as completely apathetic or completely drowning myself in someting. That becomes a problem when it involves other human beings. I start giving off these vibes, because new people make me feel like a kid in a candy store. I want to know everything about them, what makes them tick and what makes them go tock. Which is funny, given my level of patience to spread things out over days, weeks and years. Maybe, I jump in because I want to learn something from them before they run away, it’s a possibility. Or maybe I just want to drown in their existence. Of course, I could just be a nasty virus that attaches like a leech and doesn’t let go until you burn me off. But that’s a whole different self-analysis.

In the meantime, I believe it’s time to start revisiting my neuromuscular questions. I’ll probably post some of those this afternoon.

Driving around Mayretta, today, I got to thinking. Of course, for some reason it was kicked off by listening to Tyr, one of their ballads, and remembering one of the Marine’s tattoo, then remembering him. Yeah, weird thing, remembering a Latino guy listening to Norse music, shoot me. Anyway….

Dear Mike-
I still smile when I think of you, like I said I would, and sometimes wonder what you’re up to. I wanted to say that I understand why you refused to say goodbye to me, because that’s a signal of finality. The end to another chapter in a long book. But that’s ok. We were kidding ourselves when we skirted the issue that last day, because we were saying goodbye. I know, that I will never see you again, unless by chance we end up in the same city. For a while, I did try to look for you, hoping to at least find out if you were well. I know you’re happy, hell, I would be to, if I were getting out of a state I hated and doing the job I was trained to do. But I do miss you. I know it’s weird, because I shouldn’t, but I do. I guess that comes with the territory of being the one that stoked the Marine fetish. You were a comfort to hang with, lived experiences I’ll never have, but were willing to share. It was even fun discussing how to prepare various worms and crunchy bugs for eating, in the middle of a restaurant. I also miss the concerts, haven’t yet found someone to go with me to some of the off-the-wall ones, yet.

Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying yourself, and the gf-person didn’t smash the boarhead. I hope it’s happily sitting on your kitchen table with an apple shoved in its mouth. Just wanted to say goodbye, thanks for coming into my life when you did, it was a fun ride.

Thunderbirds is awesome. Very good movie, especially in regards to how much they tried to keep to the original series. Honestly, Jonathan Frakes should have started out behind a camera, and never come to the front of it. WT (I need to come up with a new name for him) and I watched every bit of it, pretty cool stuff.

I think I’m going to sleep in tomorrow, pack some stuff for Saturday. AFB didn’t bring the requested stuff, so that is going to have to wait till some other time, till then, I have everything else. Will need to sit down tomorrow and go through some of my emails and do some scheduling. I’m tired.

Scorpio for this week:

Srinivasa Ramanujan was one of India’s greatest mathematical geniuses. He lacked formal training and his work was thought peculiar by his fellow mathematicians, but he made dramatic breakthroughs that are highly regarded. He attributed his success to the Hindu goddess Namakkal. She appeared regularly in his dreams, where she revealed innovative formulas he had only to verify when he awoke. I hereby appoint Ramanujan to be your official role model for 2005. May he inspire you in your quest to establish a practical alliance with a benevolent deity, imaginary friend, or guardian angel. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, this ally will provide you with a steady stream of useful clues about how to fulfill the mission you came to earth to carry out.

FreeWill Astrology

Hrm. Now, I already have a lovely connection to the most wonderful Morrigan. How benevolent you can call her is up for discussion, but I think eradicating this planet of unnecessary idiots is a wee bit out of my capabilities for this lifetime. So, I think I’ll stick with meandering around and having fun learning all the curiousities I’ve been playing with, of late.

My cat is slowly working towards his trip across the veil. Thankfully, he missed my USMC sweatshirt and just hit my new BDUs, and hopefully the money in the pocket will survive the hot water on the washing machine. Granted, this is what I get for not having new litter on hand when I should, but I can’t say I appreciate his new love of floors, vs the previous love of sinks and bathtubs.

In other news, I’ve decided that I need to record my readings of my poems for my site. It’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a good while, but didn’t have the software and equipment to do it. Now, I think I can swing it, and I definitely have the desire. Mainly, because my voice still has a slight rasp to it (when I’m not doing a sudden phone post), and I really want to get the couple of erotica poems I have recorded before my throat is fully healed. *sigh* So much that I want right now, that’s my problem in getting things done, prioritizing. When it rains, it pours, right? Gah!

Anyway, more implements of weekend torture to arrive tonight. AFB has been kind enough to loan me a few things, *eg* I’m giddy about that stuff, because it will allow for much fun. Even get to sit down and add things to my toy list.

*fun squeak* You all know what it sounds like now.

Ok, coolness for the day…

Fraggle Rock and Prophecy I DVDs on my doorstep after work. Prophecy 2 & 3 on their way. $30 still left on my B&N gift card. Victoria’s Secret due tomorrow (today, I guess) and next Monday.

Things for later, Thunderbirds are go! With the visit to the b-day boy to watch it. Happy b-day to pitbullpotpie. Sorry I will miss party tonight, unless you’re still going at 10PM, and I will see you tomorrow!!!!!

For the rest of my day…

After I got back from lunch, we had more fun that was customers. Had the “I’m going to act like I’m arrogant with a pentacle the size of a VW hood ornament” book-read CM show up (I got the whiff that he was book-read CM, along the same lines as book-read Gardnerian Wiccan) wanting to look at some of our swords. I was trying very hard not to laugh. Of course, he couldn’t stop there, had to come back for seconds, later. Then, the creme de la creme came in. Gods, I fear for my own future and hope I can rely on my grandchildren to take care of this country. Two kids, yes black, show up, wanting dog tags. So I hand them the form, AFB comes up to stamp them out, when they wasted 10 minutes of his time filling them out, we finally get a chance to see what they put. Seems they had an “Empire” thing going. We didn’t ask. They got one tag with a bunch of b.s. on it, like their name and what city/state they were from, and then the other said, “Guns don’t kill people, I do.” and “Every man picks its own path, eventually.” Now, in the latter one, he was trying to do an anacronym, looked pretty damned stupid and AFB commented to me, “See, this is why I don’t get the black chicks around here. They go for crap like that, and leave guys like me on the sideline.” To which I replied, “And then you start dating a white girl, and they bitch about her stealing their men. He agreed, then went on to say that he and his mum have always been accused of “being white” because they’re educated and act like it, and if that is the alternative, he’d rather just bleach his skin and get it over with. Pity the state of our existence when a group allows a stereotype to perpetuate to the point of making ignorance a virtue. Thankfully, I work with enough minorities to know that this is not 100%. Too bad they’re all my age and aren’t planning on having children. It might stave off the trend.