There is this odd feeling of freedom experienced, when the burden of holding on is released.
With that said, my dearest, I release you.
Author: Saille
Scorpio for this week:
America’s former Poet Laureate Robert Pinsky addressed an assembly at my daughter’s high school. He read from his translation of Dante’s Inferno and took questions from students. After hearing Dante’s description of the nether regions, one boy asked Pinsky what his personal version of hell was. The poet said that each of us creates our own hell. The fearful and negative interpretations of reality with which we infect our imaginations constitute curses that we cast on ourselves. They terrify and enslave us so thoroughly that most of the difficult outer circumstances we encounter are mild in comparison. Your next assignment, Scorpio, is to work on dissolving the hell you carry around in your own mind.
I love Robert Pinsky, especially his translation. 🙂 That said, I guess I need to ditch men again and get back to enjoying myself. Men make my life hell, I’d be a lesbian, but women do the same. And I guess, the idea of being in a relationship and being happy in one is hell. Of course, he has a point. If you imagine the worst, then the reality can’t be THAT bad. Which is one reason why I loathe society. The unfortunate part, is that my expectations are regularly lived down to, it’d be nice if I could find more than a few people who could prove me wrong on a regular basis.
(yes, I’m a cynic and a misanthrope, in the event you haven’t figured that out yet. oh yeah, I have a bit of nihilistic tendencies as well.)
Scorpio for this week:
I suggest we title this chapter of your life story “The Perplexing Joy of Hundreds of Emotions,” or maybe “The Wild Peace of Way Too Many Feelings.” That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s an apt reflection of your immediate future: extreme, expansive, melodramatic, spectacularly educational, and filthy rich with intrigue. You may not break the world’s record for most mood shifts in a good cause, but you could very well smash your own personal record
Well, at least that would explain yesterday. Doing all nice and dandy after the drama shit storm that blew through on Monday night (it was resolved by 10AM yesterday), only to show up at training and watch my session circle the drain till I left the mat to shed a few tears in the locker room. I feel like Texas weather right now, not to mention a bad plot out of a story originally in 1001 Arabian Nights, that was left out of the final edit. For some reason, right now, I can’t look at my Professore, not even when he’s smiling at me.
Round we go! So I’ve been trying to lay low, let things come and go, get some quality time with myself in and clean up the house a bit. It’s kinda worked out. My Scotsman is off playing WWII, and I sit here thinking it might have been nice to go with him….after the thought. Oh well. I’ve started doing minor workouts in the morning, mostly abs and legs. I’m still holding off on doing too much with the arms, as my radius has a bad habit of dislocating, still. Thursday was quality time with the family, and a phone call from my Professore “politely” wondering where I was. But given the drama surrounding all that, “Oh waaa”. I took a day off training, for once. I was also informed earlier this week, that one of my beloved teammates has taken upon himself to inform, at least, one person of an imagined situation that never manifested…however hard he tried (and he did try, like the little choo-choo). He has now officially placed himself on my shitlist, as I don’t tolerate that stuff terribly well. Not like it will make a difference, but if it continues, I will not play nicely.
The positive side, is that I have placed walls back where they need to be, not necessarily for protection, but more for focus on what I want to achieve. The new training academy is coming along nicely. I was informed that the keys were recieved the other day and the build-out will begin today. Which means I’ll be back to training an ungodly amount again. I have started to get back on my training diet, and I’m definitely feeling better on it. Just gotta cut back on the coffee, as it’s my stress drug of choice. My new head instructor is wonderful, and I think he will be much more accomodating to my training style, instead of playing head games. I told him to be more assertive and “not nice” to me, and the last training session was exactly that. So wonderful. I have less than 26 days before I ship off to Finland, to start the American InvasionTM. My most beautiful DRSB is looking forward to seeing me and showing me around his town. I just need a to finish up a few things (like ordering t-shirt presents and booking the hotels in Denmark), which I plan to accomplish tonight. Monday is hair day, it’s time to get my Freak out again. My hair is a beautiful orangish/blonde colour (says the colourblind girl), but it needs to go back to red. I can finally feel my spirit settling again, which is nice, as I get more accomplished in that state – like cleaning house.
Also, I would like to welcome the latest Grove addition this last week….Duncan. He was born premature, has a few issues, but looks like he’s going to make it through them. I can’t wait to meet him.
For the first time, in a long time, I woke up smiling. This is a good start.
Scorpio for this week:
“Dear Rob: Can you give me a rational explanation for why Scorpio is the most hated and feared sign of the zodiac? When I tell someone I’m a member of that tribe, the usual reaction is along the lines of ‘Ooohhh, a Scorpio,’ in the same way someone would say ‘Ooohhh, a horribly disfigured, compulsively evil, sexually deviant sideshow freak.’ -Sick of Being Dissed.” Dear Gorgeous Crafty Rebel Lover: I have some good news for you. 2007 is Scorpio Rehabilitation Year, and June is Scorpio Glorification Month. To take advantage of these milestones, all you need to do is vividly express your most beautiful qualities. Leave the rest to the universe.
Yay for Transformation!!!!! This one is kinda funny, given what I just posted over on my MySpace blog (don’t worry, I’ll repost here later today). The basic gist, is that I’m considering transforming myself into a modern-day courtesan (minus getting paid). The reason for this, is the fact that I’ve come to the decision that I only seek companionship, which I already have. Sex is something that is completely outside of my scope, with a few exceptions, and while is something desired, it is not a need or requirement for me to be happy in a relationship. Not to mention, I’ve lost focus on my life right now. And if I remove the new parts that contributed, I can refocus and start re-integrating those new parts back in.
Also, snagged this from Rob Brezny too:
Notice how you feel as you speak the following: “The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I’m someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn’t nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn’t go away. I never thought I’d say this, but I’ve come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved.”
I like that.
ALa posted this the other day, in her Memorial Day topic. The girl, who created this, was spammed a good bit from the dumbasses who can’t respectfully disagree with her position. But, since I have lots of friends in the military who are on LJ, and a good bit more who read me to keep up with me, I’m posting it here because to let you all know I share the sentiments. I love you guys, even if I don’t get to say it in person:
So, lokasenna, aka Big Cat loves this band called Tarot (if I’m remembering this correctly). Well, it seems I’m going to see them while I’m in Finland. Any signature requests? 😀
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!
Scorpio for this week:
Militant atheists make the claim that religion has always been a primary cause of war. If humans weren’t under the sway of “the God delusion,” they fume, armed conflicts would be infrequent. But military historian Eric Bergerud says that’s absurd. He notes that while there have been a few religious wars, “most wars in history have been driven by the lust for power and loot.” In other words, the materialist delusion is far more lethal than the God delusion. People who believe there’s nothing of value beyond what the five senses can perceive are often the most dangerous of all. Make this the seed for your meditations, Scorpio. Think about how much less fear and loathing you’d suffer if you knew for a fact that your soul lives forever. Imagine the peace and wonder you’d feel if you knew there are realities and spiritual beings that aren’t visible to the naked eye or to the technology that science has thus far dreamed up.
I don’t think it’s a matter getting to the point of imagining this, as I already know it exists. It’s a matter of resolving the conflict between knowing and imagining. But I think this will be a good starting point for this week.
Made some revelations last night, in regards to my massage approach. I’ve been reading a book on Tantra, by Georg Feuerstein and a few things in there have been quite helpful to what I’m looking for. For the past year, I’ve been at sort of an impasse, and the little tidbits pulled me right back in and spurred some new ideas. The only thing I’m working through right now, is the association of the cauldrons to the different parts of the body that they might influence and control. The next step, is to start the work on myself, in regards to the cauldrons. I just need to figure out how I want to start that work and how it should manifest.
Freakchylde's 