I’m sitting here, at home. Wishing I knew if I was contagious or not, because I’d much rather be watching a seminar with my teammates at our sister gym, then sitting around, and letting my mind wander into the “I’m not wanted around here anymore” territory. Half of me just wants to pack everything up and leave, the other half just no longer gives a shit and wants to wallow in misery. If anything, being sick has proven to me, how much I have let things go, I feel more like a dog in this house, than anything. Though, I think a dog would get more credit in going to fetch things, than I have. But hey, I guess I could just consider this payback on all those “taken for granted” conversations and leave it at that, call things even and be done with it all.

But reality sinks in, and that dark hole swallows me, making me realize, that if I do leave, I will be gone. I admit on a daily basis, how I’ve thrown away all my friends here. Not purposely, just in that lives get busy, and that’s the way things go sometimes. When I started this year, my goal was to put together my list of friends that I wanted to spend, at least, once a month with – playing catch-up – and I haven’t done it yet. So far, I’ve only managed to get out to ZA once, where I inadvertently insulted thegreyman‘s gf (I really wasn’t meaning that, since I consider what was being described as being psycho, not insane – but that’s beside the point). And ended up sitting next to someone I can’t stand, professionally or personally. :-/

I’m trying to get myself to a better place, mentally, restructure my support group, so I can move on and follow my dreams. I’m not doing so hot, but only because I don’t stop to smell the roses more. I think I’m going to do that after Pan-ams. Been talking about taking some time off of competitions, maybe after this tournament season, so I’m not constantly training for one, or spending money on them. I’m not burned out, yet, but my soul is gasping for air.

Anyway, for those of you, who I have expressed interest in having lunch, dinner, brunch, coffee, etc, please respond with days that are good for you, in the next coming months (all comments are screened). I know it sucks to “schedule” crap, and I hate it, but if I don’t I’ll overbook myself. My goal is to make it out to brunch at least once a month, when my schedule permits, I’ll post when I will be there. Thanks to this illness, I’ve promised my Sundays to the office, but that doesn’t guarantee I will have clients. I want to go tomorrow, but I have no clue exactly how contagious I still am (which is the whole reason I’m still home right now).

Also, any girls up for a girls night in? Or something? I’ve fallen by the wayside in taking physical care of myself (meaning, shaving, facial care, nails, etc) and it really doesn’t help my mental stability.


  1. okay, i see most of the picture now.

    look, i know that you know, that things change.

    you are too vital a person to let yourself go to the dogs. you have a great mind and i enjoy reading your posts.

    if you were in my area i would definitely be keeping track of you and you would always have somewhere to go.



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