Day: May 20, 2006

Yeah, I know I haven’t written much of value or mental depth lately. Have way too much going through my head and not enough time to stop and sort it out. The main focii of late have been my relationship, my job and my training.

So far, I think the relationship is going decently, and now that the necessary parts have arrived, to re-start a past enjoyment, I’m hoping that it’ll be a good catalyst to get us working together more. Outside of that, I’m still left questioning whether this is a path I can hold to, as my eye tends to be a bit lazy and slope to every other direction but forward. I guess you could say I have relationship ADD, it has to have periodic bumps to the high end to keep my interest, or I wander to whatever floats my boat for the moment. Though, I will say that I’ve lost most of my spark, as the keeper of that flame is absentee, ATM. Not sure how I’m going to handle that one when the status changes, but we’ll see where I’m at that point in time.

I’ve also been following up on a question my Scotsman asked me during our hiatus…so I’m slowly putting together a list of what I want in a partner. If I have one, what I need that person to be, in order to want them to be with me. I guess that’s a weird way of putting it. But hey, if I’m going to want a person in my life, there are certain things they’ll need to be, in order to effectively fill that position. Main thing, I have to take what I saw in all my bf’s that I love, and shove them into one person. Problem being, I don’t think the most important stuff exists in a single person, hence why I tend to look for multiple people. The other thing, I no longer want someone who balances me, while it works at some points, it’s also a point of issue when it comes down to sharing the stuff that’s polar opposite to who they are and what they are interested in. I want someone who matches me, makes me step-up to the plate and pushes me. I also want someone who’s up for me doing the same for them and recognizes the points when I call them up, instead of me having to pull out the proverbial Clue-x-4TM. That’s what I do know, and can point out off the bat. Otherwise, I just know what I don’t want and what to run away from.

Jobwise, I’m working at finding a new balance. The shake-up has me a bit on my toes and I haven’t settled into the new routine yet. I think that will come in the weeks ahead, but it has brought my paycheck back up. We’ll see how things continue.

Training…gotta get off my duff and start getting back up to par. The whole hip thing got me off the mat for a week, and now I’m trying to get back into that routine and start working on the fine tuning. Developing the habits I need to move forward, instead of hearing my name and something I’m doing wrong that we work on every day. Whether it be stance or grips. But those I have to work on, and that’s what practice is for, so nothing over-the-top there.

Anyway, that’s the State of the Freak, for today.