Day: May 2, 2006

Ok, so I haven’t posted much of substance of late. This year started off with a bad bang, and my only escape from it was getting out of the state or hitting the mat. I’m happy where I’ve gone so far, but damned, it still sucks a bit.

Anyway, so this year has been a year of love. The idea of it, the applications of it, what I’m looking for, and how I’ve lost it. See, back in November, someone who barely knew me was able to point out the fact that I was unhappy, and someone with that little knowledge of me seeing it hurt me. So I made the decision to start doing what made me happy – hitting the mat. During this time, my Zoomie and I skidded to an impasse that caused us to step back from our relationship so we could both focus on fixing ourselves. Shortly after, my Scotsman and I hit our own impasse. Our relationship set-up wasn’t making him happy, and seeing him unhappy and knowing that I was standing in the way made things worse for me. So we stepped back from where we were at, so I could focus on what I needed to, and he could focus on his things. We started arguing less and working together a lot better. Unfortunately, we were furthering the chasm between us and it hit home to me while I was on vacation in Cali. I think this is the first vacation for me where I was intentionally talking to him every chance I could, and we decided we needed to talk more when I got home to fix things. So, we’re giving things another go. Not sure how well I’ll do, as it’ll mean learning to refocus and learning how to settle down a bit. I’m willing to give it a go, as I’m not ready to let him go yet. Unfair, yes, but fact is, we both love each other way too much and I don’t think he’s quite ready to let go either. So, this next year will be a growing experience for me, to make sure he and I can mix our lives together, somehow.