Ok, as we can all notice the timestamp on this post, and know that the kitty has been up since 7AM, we’ll understand the shortness of this update…

Day was uneventful, SL was kind and just teased me for leaving him because I was “cheating on him” with another job. Lasted 5 minutes. Went to see Saw with shaedalis and the Evil Twin’s sister. WT was supposed to join us, because a customer overheard his reasons for not coming with me, and handed him a $10, I’m assuming he got lost in the loss of Tennessee, to whomever they were playing tonight. Very good movie, I enjoyed the mindfuck. There were some weak spots, but they’re all forgivable for the ending. Plus, the 3 of us now have a Val’s day date for the lovely horror flick previewed.

I made a step up today. Asked the very cute waiter (sister of Evil Twin says I now have a buzz cut fetish) for a tiny, tiny shot of Bailey’s for my coffee, he obliged and it was much good. Wasn’t ready for the Whiskey, yet, but hey, if I can build up a tolerance, maybe one day. At the moment, I’m having difficulty with the lower limb section of my left leg. Felt a tendon in my knee snap over when getting out of the booth after dinner, that’s triggered my calf to have an acute contraction that won’t give up. Causes slight pain under my knee cap. My Scotsman isn’t home, at the moment, I need to call and find out where he is, because my phone is turned off.

On the way home, I started thinking about a conversation I’m having with the Explosives lover I’m friends with. Got me thinking about my first real memory I have, in life. See, I remember brushing my teeth when I was about 2, and falling backwards into the darkness that was a bathtub and a tile floor, and waking up in the ICU with lots o’ bandages around my head. But that’s not the one that I fondly remember. The earliest one I have, I don’t recall how old I was, just being at an indoor community swimming pool, in Michigan I think, being placed on the side to sit. My dad swam off, it was crowded, and I was scared sitting there. So, I slipped into the water, and down, down I went. Just kind of floating there, suspended in water. I don’t recall ever touching bottom, but I also don’t recall any fear. Just a kind of inner peace. Then I was up top again, with lots of shouting and the lifeguard. Maybe I’ve always had this deathwish that would never be granted, least, not up to now. Not sure, but it’s seriously the feeling I hold on to when I need a slice of real peace. That space that I always seek to re-create when I need to. A serenity that I will only truly find at the end of my road. It’s an addicting place, maybe that’s why I’m always jumping into altered states when I can. Just trying to get out of this space, and into one where I can really rest. *sigh*

In other news, a slight tidbit about the freak that most probably don’t care about. My fav nighttime attire is my brother’s hand-me-down white button-up dress shirt, size XL. I’ve had it since I was 13, and it’s been a dress on me since. Strange kind-of safety, as we were never close after the accident. Maybe it was my connection to part of him that no longer existed. A part of him that suffered in the same silence as I have for years, we still haven’t talked about it, not the two of us. Hell, my parents and I just mention it in passing, until we can change the topic to something more suitable. And they wonder why I have such a fascination with death.

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