Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life," said Scorpio painter Georgia O'Keeffe, "and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do." I think her declaration is excellent medicine for you. In 2013, you will have great potential for upgrading your relationship with your fears — not necessarily suppressing them or smashing them, but rather using them more consistently as a springboard, capitalizing on the emotions they unleash, and riding the power they motivate you to summon.
I have no interest in being terrified, but I will definitely admit that I need to get over my avoidance of forgiveness, and finding a way to do so. I've always been aware that it was a process, not something you can force, or give lip-service to, but a full long-term process. For me, it's full of anger, mostly at myself and that causes an inability to forgive others, because I blame myself for whatever the result is/was that got me into the mess. Over the last couple of weeks, it's become pretty obvious that I'm ready to forgive, a little. I need to let it go, a fear that I have no idea where it came from. I'm just tired of the anger, and I'm tired of the passion I used to have no making my heart sing every morning. It has taken a physical toll, I think, and is probably the reason why I have so much trouble waking up in the morning (doesn't help that I stay up too late, either). But the waking up part came before the going to bed late, so I can't really blame the late turn in.
I honestly forgive myself for ignoring that feeling in my gut that told me things were over, before you were willing to admit it to yourself, much less, admit it to me. I forgive you for not having enough respect for me, to tell me that you didn't love me anymore and wanted to be with someone else. I forgive me for being right, but lying to myself because the lies were much better than the truth. I forgive myself for not forcing the truth out of you, when I should have done so. I forgive myself for trying to be the person you wanted, and I forgive you for wanting me to be someone I wasn't.
I forgive myself for enabling you, giving you permission to do what you did. I forgive myself for loving you too much and not walking away when I should have.
I want the passion back in my life. I want to wake up every morning with the song of the sun calling me, again. I want to fall in love with every day again, over and over. I want to feel spiritually fulfilled, and fly to the heavens whenever I feel the desire, and sink to the depths of the sea and feel comfort in the cold stillness. I want to be able to open up to the world, and not feel like a whirlwind circling within my skin, creating my own inner perfect storm, threatening to destroy me.
I need this. And I'm finally starting to surround myself with people that feed off these feelings and feed into them as well. I'm tired of the same ole same ole happening every single day. Being dragged down by the weight of those who fantasize about what they could do with their lives, instead of those who create fantasies with the lives they have. I want to shed my shell and radiate with an explosion that would rival a nuclear blast, zipping up and down the valleys of every mountain range. Dancing and singing with the rain.
I want to be inspired again and connect with the great muse. I want to feel something other than death.