For the one who holds my soul…

Every day, I look at you and see the beauty of you, the kindness and generousity that attracted me to you. You were the bright and shiney diamond among a bag full of coal, I saw in you, everything that you are, and everything that those you seek don’t see. I loved you, before you even really knew who I was, before I called you on my first day at work, to meet up for coffee.

I look at you now, and see the same person, only tortured by the fact that someone who sees all that beauty and love in you, is also the one who is not right for you. I wanted, for so long, to believe that I could be everything you needed, and that I could give all of myself to you. I found I was wrong. Whether it was because I was young and needed to live in my world, or just because this is the way I will be forever. Every day, I want to reach out and hold you. Show you I still love you, but know that doing so, will hurt even more. I feel selfish, because I know I just won’t be hurting you, I’ll be hurting me as well. I know I can’t have you, and I know that the dream of us forever, is just a dream. As much as I want that to be reality, I see the rocky roads we’ve been down together, the grass covered prairies where we could smile and enjoy each other, and the dark forests where our souls were the most evil. While we may not have been meant for each other, we were meant to be together. The bond we have is a strong one, as much as I fear the breaking of it in the future.

I remember all the times, where you chastized me, for wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting it run towards something faster than my head. I always fought back, because I wanted to feel and experience something, more than I wanted to learn first. I am always the impulsive one, whereas you were the logical think first one. I sit back now, and see that we are starting to reverse. I have become the one that sits back and watches, moving slowly, and watching as you start your path towards reconciling your emotional self. Holding it in has been too much for you, and I become amazed at who you are now, even in your passion, I find you beautiful, more than ever. I saw you this morning, curled up and hair rustled as you snuck deeper under your covers, and I loved you. I loved all of you, including the parts that drive me nuts. And I told you, and you told me you loved me too. You are the most beautiful thing to me, in all the awkwardness and fumbling around each other, you are perfection, and I love you for it.

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